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Self sabotage
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Self sabotage

I saw in some blogs that self sabotage could be related BPD.  I looked up te symptoms of BPD and they dont seem to relate to me at all.  I mean, I do have bouts of depression but I'm not regarded as moody.  I relate well to others etc. However, I DO self sabotage in almost every area of my life.  I recently quit smoking, I have tried twice a year, every year for the past 20.  I succeed only to deliberately create a situation where I fail.This time I got through (so far). Then I realised I was sabotaging in other areas such as losing weight, cutting down on drinking. it seems that the moment I decide to achieve something for myself i undermine my attemps. I think it has something to do with self worth and a death wish.  Please tell me I dont have BPD and how do I go about changing my self worth?
Satpriya
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Congrats on quitting smoking.  I hope you reward your efforts and are able to sustain it.

I think that you're right and that it does relate back to self-worth/ self-esteem (and self-doubts).

Reading your post it doesn't sound as though you have bpd.  One doctor once said that I had self-defeating personality traits and was a perfectionist.  I'm not sure if they are representative of any one particualr disorder.  I think I did see a self-defeating personality disorder and a version of a similar depressive disorder.  I don't think they are actual diagnoses though, just provide readers with some additional information.

I think that you've got a lot going on and that you want to achieve.  I would probably be inclined to just focus on one or two, maybe the ones that are easiest or have the most impact overall.  Cutting back on drink should help you to lose weight too.

I think that people self-sabotage for a reason.  Some people feel that they don't deserve success, some people do it to distance themselves from others.

I think that setting yourself achieveable goals may help you to feel more empowered.  Maybe break your goals down in to short-, medium- and long-term goals.  Reward yourself for achieving your goals.

What do you think prevents you from following through?

I think having a look at a previous medhelp expert websites could be helpful.
shrinkyourself.com and myvirtualshrink.com.
I subscribed to the newsletter which is free and has some good information in it.  I think that you would find some benefit there.  Another option could be to try psychotherapy to help you understand why you keep sabotaging.

If you want to die then that could be worth discussing with a doctor.  A doctor should be able to advise about some of your issues (drinking, smoking, excess weight, etc).  Could be worth having a check-up and seeing if anything else is going on.
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You could check out the weight loss and healthy lifestyle expert forum too.  I think that the doctor is currently away but you could try reading some of his old blogs.  His first one, eat less. do more. repeat. may be helpful.  He recommends small or incremental changes.
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