Somatization Disorder

All my symptoms seem so real-is there a "cure" for this disorder or do I just have to live with the pain and symptoms?

[Jaquta]

No, you don't have to live with this disorder.  It can be treated with psychotherapy.  I think that therapy will help you to experience emotions that you are walling off and experiencing as physical pain.

If you haven't already I would see a psychiatrist and ask to be referred for psychotherapy.  Medication may also be offered to help you through the recovery process.

You could also try researching the disorder as there may be different treatment options out there.  I think talk therapy is the best way to go though.

[jammytoe81]

I have no money, no disability check, no job and no way to see a psychotherapist. Can any therapist help me because I am seeing one for general stuff?

[Jaquta]

Any good therapist should theoretically be able to help you.
In most countries there are ways and means for those who can't afford it to access care.
In the States, if you live there, there are zero or low fee clinics.

Maybe ask your current therapist for more info if you feel safe doing that.  You might also be able to find some good info/ support groups on the net which could complement your current therapy.

There's a mood disorders expert forum if you want to ask the question there.  The doctor may be better able to advise.

[jammytoe81]

Thanks. I'll try talking to my therapist first, to see if she can help me or direct me to someone who can. I may also try the mood disorders expert forum for additional support. Thanks again!-Tammy

[jammytoe81]

You ever have any problems with people close to you trying to control and manipulate you because of your illness? My husband seemed like he was just trying to help me with it, but even after I had made great progress with my BPD, he tells me today, that I have stopped making progress. What an awful thing to say! I AM still doing all the things that I NEED to be doing to help myself, and he says that I'm not doing good, at all!  I feel like I just want to take all my pills and go to sleep, cause I don't want to deal with his badgeri9ng. I usually talk to someone. Like, I talked to the crisis center a little while ago, and I cried and I feel a little better, but if I go into the front room where my husband is, he'll start on me all over again.  Any help?-jammytoe81

[Jaquta]

I'm probably the one doing the controlling as I like to feel in control.  I sometimes have problems dealing with stuff when it is different to how I would like it.  For example, I would prefer that my parents didn't burp or fart or pick their noses around me or cut their nails on the floor which I have just vacuumed.  It drives me nuts but then I feel like someone battering them if I ask them not to do these things near me.

I sometimes find that my parents smother me when I am wanting to take risks and improve my situation.  For example, when wanting to move out of home I was told that they would then no longer be my primary caregivers and that if I ended up in hospital that the hospital could give me ect.  It was very amotivating.
I think it is a way for them to protect me and a way for them to defend against their own insecurities were I actually to leave.

Sometimes the progress we make isn't always visible to others.  In the past my family have become frustrated with my seeming lack of progress and said that they don't want to discuss mental health issues as I'm not changing.  ??

It's not a very motivating thing to say to you.  It sounds as though you might be quite sensitive to perceived criticisms and rejections too.  While they aren't intended to hurt they do and can actually be quite damaging.  I often find that sort of stuff very discouraging and find that if I'm not careful they can cause a regression.  Like dealing with bpd alone isn't enough.

Firstly, taking your meds would be a big mistake and you know this.  The goal is never to make your situation worse.  Maybe you could try and use this experience as a way to learn more about yourself?

What does your husband see that you don't?  What is causing him to say this?  How is it that he feels you aren't moving forward?  What are his expectations of you?  Are they realistic?  Is there stuff going on with him that has caused him to say this?  Does he feel stuck himself and as though he hasn't moved forward?  Does he feel that your illness is limiting him and preventing him from doing things that he would like too?
There's a truck load of questions that you could be asking.

Can you tell your husband how you feel and how his comments have made you feel?
Maybe the comments made you feel invalidated when you know that you are working hard to get better??

If for the most part your husband is reasonable and is relatively understanding of mental illness he may be receptive to a conversation about it and about how you feel.  Be honest with him.
Maybe give yourself a little time and space for you to calm down before you talk to him.

Do what has worked well for you in the past.

Not sure if any of this helps but you know that you are doing what you need too and that is what matters most.  Don't let your husband's comments create unnecessary doubts.

I hope you feel better soon.  Take care.

[jammytoe81]

Thanks so much! I went to an NA mtg. last nite, as I often do, and one of my peers shared with me that the reason I was feeling suicidal, even if I didn't really want to, was because (1) my medication-it's one of the side-effects; (2) we tend to resort to "old behavior" when stuck in a corner, and feeling that we can do no more than what we are already doing for ourselves. It all made such sense to me and so did your last comments. Thank you. I see my therapist today, in an hour, and plan to get off of this particular medication. I can't do the agitation/bordering rage and suicidal thoughts, anymore! I know she will understand. Thanks again for your input, it was very helpful.

[Jaquta]

No one can ever say why you feel suicidal, etc.  They can make hypotheses but you will need to decide whether they make sense to you or not.  Some do, some don't.

Medication could be a good place to start.  If your symptoms are being properly manged then you shouldn't be feeling overwhelmed or out of control, etc.

I came to learn that when I was feeling suicidal there were some overwhelming negative emotions there.  I use to communicate or tolerate my distress by referring to suicide, now I will try and see what it is in my life that has triggered those thoughts or feelings.  Sometimes it is a comment, sometimes it is a loss (seeing a child laughing and playing, etc).

Was it the comment that triggered your suicidal feelings?  What was it about those comments?  How did they make you feel?  What did they remind you of?
I have a card an old therapist gave me.  It has a list of questions, etc on it.  I will post it another time.

It's good that you have an understanding therapist who you can talk too.

[jammytoe81]

Thanks-I appreciate that you will send me the list of questions.  They will be very helpful-I will put them up on my wall in the bedroom near the computer-where I will see them.

[Jaquta]

1.  Acknowledge a feeling
2.  IDENTIFY the feeling.  E.g., anger, joy
3.  What's the feeling about

She has a triangle under this one.  It is called the triangle of relating.
At the top point is: person/ situation/ experience
The bottom left is: child self (intense, reacts, past, I need)
The bottom right is: adult self (calm, responds, now, I want/ would like)

What, when, where, who and how (never use why)
I feel (never you)

4.  Validate the feeling (permission).  It's OK to feel x, y, z
5.  Practical intervention
6.  Integration
7.  Growth

Maybe it's a bit confusing but I help it helps.

Something else someone wrote to me.  This was Dr Gould, the former expert on the mental health and emotional eating expert forums.  I abbreviated it but hopefully it will still make sense.

1.  Pause
2.  Why am I feeling powerless
3.  Remind myself I am not powerless I have just not yet decided to take the actions I need to make my life work.

This former medhelp expert has a website www.shrinkyourself.com.  While the info relates to emotional eating some of the material he writes about is relevant to issues those with bpd have.