Son's Father Hurting Child

I'm dealing with my four year old son's father who will lie at the drop of a dime in order to get what he wants. He has spent years peppering my son with questions about me and my now husband. He told my son that my husband was a "bad guy" and that he was going to "take him to jail." (He's a police officer). There is no clear definitive reason why he should or would hate my husband the way he does. I'm so frustrated and am feeling like I myself am going to break down. My son was in my care (and husbands) since birth. His biological father had nothing to do with him, and one day when we went to court (when the baby was 1 1/2) years old) he and his highly paid attorney convinced the judge that it was a good idea to take the baby from me for 2 weeks at a time to visit with him 3 hours away at his home. Sadly the courts allowed it. This man has made sexual comments about 2 of my other children ( I reported it but no action was taken), he has been caught sleeping with my 4 yr old naked in the bed (and admitted it), has said bad things about me and my husband to my 4 yr old, and told me from day one that he would do what ever necessary (including lie) to get the baby away from me. He gets angry with my son if he tells him something good about my husband (he bought him a toy, read him a story, or played football with him, etc). He became angry with me when my son said that his uncle (dad's live-in brother) squeezed his privates - and I reported it. He became so angry he decided to say, "Well, he told me that your husband did it." So, I told him he should have reported it. Of course he was just lying, so he never did report anything.

This man is sick. It's as if he doesn't feel empathy. The only time he "feels" pain (emotional) is when someone stands up for themselves. If you don't do what he wants you to do, he WILL punish you. He has had protective orders granted against him due to his domestic violence against me and the family dog, and was fired from his police officer job for running my social security number thru VCIN to find info on me, 5 times in 2 months (and then lying about it).  Now, he has been re-hired as a police officer for a different jurisdiction. I know in my gut (although not a psychiatrist) that he has some serious issues. Can someone please help me? I'm at a disadvantage financially, but I still need to help my son.

Forgive me if my entry didn't flow smoothly. I'm very distraught about this situation and feel very helpless in regards to helping my little boy.

Thank you
Diane

[ILADVOCATE]

At this point in time it would be best to contact the appropriate protective agency as to how this could be addressed and seek legal assistance. I would also post this question in the abuse forum as well.

[CSimpson000021]

I agree full heartly with lady advocate you turly need to get help for your sons sake, it might be a way to get peoples attion and that is to take out what they call a miw Mental Inqure Warranet on him. what the miw does is he get mentaly evauated by phyisgoligsts and a socal worker. they cn then determane if he should be allowed to have his son at all.

FYI in order to take one out you have to just go down to the police station and take one out!

with deep concern
Chris

[dmm1974]

Thank you for your input, however, I have gone to social services about everything that's happenned. Sadly, they said that they just dont have enough to go off of. When I told them about him sleeping naked in the bed with my 4 yr old, they said they would take the report,but it isnt considered abuse. He himself is a police officer and in that case...unless they see that a crime has been comitted - they do not get involved.

[millysmadness]

i really feel for you,you must feel so helpless do anything you can to protect your son someone has got to listen to you, this is how kids fall thru cracks in the system, one thing alone may not be abuse but start putting things together and a pic. develops. personally[my kids go by court order to their dads] i would break the order by not letting him have them and create holyhell with the courts and childrens services to voice your concerns that things are happening to you child in a very unsafe environment. dont be scared you're his mum you have the upper hand in ensuring your child is safe dont let the authorities impose something you know is wrong you clearly need help and support with this and you at least have your partner who,bless him has taken on one hell of an ex. contact me if you need to please dont let this lie and remember after years of threats of takin my kids [by their dad] its all just control they never get the kida it just doesnt work like that so dont be afrais stand up for you and your son just as you have been,best of luck xxx  

[triplle1964]

Hi Diane
I know what you are going thru I went thru a situation with my ex where no one believed me and when a friend of ours told me some things I called the police they talked to my friend they arrested my ex.
You need to tell him to go to someone he can trust a neighbor you yourself can trust and tell them what his dad is doing to him ,Inform the person you trust with whats going on so they will call police.
I do not know if you can give him a cell phone and teach him your number if dad gets weird on him to call you and then you call CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICE and police and have police meet you at the resident and then they can not ignore his unsettling ways and record if possible your son's convo I am not sure if cells have this . I hope this will end soon for you b4 it is to late God Bless and may he keep you both safe !

[marly1956]

Hi there!  My heart goes out to you especially since your ex is on the force. I went through so much as you are going through and I know how you just want to take off with the whole family and not say a word. My ex kept saying he was going for custody, wasn't going to pay child support and on and on it went. I was fortunate to have a good lawyer. Start taking notations of everything your son tells you but don't ask him when he comes home from a visit, wait at least a day and casually ask how his wknd. went. I don't understand why they won't even do anything with your husband lying naked with your son, that alone would send red flags to me. As for him hating your husband it all boils down to jealousy. Has he got someone in his life? Just as mine said to me, "you'll never find anyone with 2 kids" boy did he get an eye opener and then blamed me for leaving. He left for another woman who kicked him out within a 9mos. period. To be honest I don't see why she didn't see that he was an alcoholic, but again we sometimes' turn a blind eye.
I myself would make and app't with Child Protective Services' in your area, take your son with you. They may want to speak with him in a separate room, which is okay but please let him know this prior to the app't, and let him know that you are right there waiting for him. Is he happy to go and see his father? Any change in personality/mood  when he comes home? Whether it be in himself or towards' you and your  husband. Anything that you find that has you concerned, voice your opinion when you get an app't. It is so unfair to children when you have a parent that acts like a child, and thats' exactly what hes' doing. Right now your son may not see it however in time you may find that he doesn't want to go on visitations. I know mine didn't, but I had them call their father because it was always my fault.
I wish you the very best of luck, hopefully the Police Forces' in your area don't stick together so they aren't turning one of their own in. Take care and pls. take notes and make that appointment before he has your son brainwashed so to speak.