Borderline Personality Disorder Community
We did not cause this !
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This patient support community is for discussions relating to anger, anxiety, caregiver support, depression, emotions, fears, living with BPD, relationships, and violence.

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We did not cause this !

Parents are the cause of our problems. We were unable to learn to be social  very young, and were the ones who didn't help us to learn how. I don't know the social rules, how to say the right things in the right way, etc. How do we learn as an senior person to be a four or five year old child? How many of you find that it is easier to just watch a group interact than to join, like me?
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Experiences are usually the cause of personality disorders but there can be other factors.
Also it doesn't help to concentrate on who or what is to blame, you can't change the past so it's best to just except it and try to get help and get better.
Just because something is easy doesn't mean it's the best thing for you also anyone can learn anything if they are willing to try there hardest.
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4261481_tn?1351877513
We've all been through moments where we blame our parents. Every parent makes mistakes but they generally do the best they can with the limited parenting knowledge, skills, abilities, and resources they have.  I wasted the decade of my 20's being angry with my parents -- it is so not worth it!  Forgiving is hard (you never forget, but you learn to let it go a little at a time). Find a way to process, let it go, and look for solutions because when we look backwards we stop moving forwards.

It's so much easier to blame something (my disorder) or someone else (my parents) than it is to pick myself apart and figure myself out and force myself to learn better ways of doing things/interacting/being.  Do the hard work for yourself, get help if you need to.
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Opps, beter late than never!!  Just looked back and found a comment about parents possibily being the cause of some of our problem/issues or even disorders.  While I think we are actually born with many of the known disorders, I agree totally that whoever brings us up instills in us their hangups/characteristics.  My Mum was socially outgoing but this was severely curbed by by Dad who was/is very very stilted (yes, from his Dad!!)  I was bought up to turn down all social invites but even if I went out I only stayed for the absolute minimum time whilst I was waited for outside.  I was taught never to say anything out loud without being spoken to first.  I don't know how but I was 'taught' to be extremely self consious in a bad way, all negative, and that I was NOT as good as anyone else and always to accept and expect the worst and least.  Mustn't enter competitions because I would come in last.  To this day I still live every minute of my waking hours on that wave length - sad, I'm 54 years old.  However, as MissHabersham rightly says, the past is the past and we CAN NOT change it, we CAN change the way we live the here and now and this I plan to do through long term therapy.  For the first time I've been offered constructive treatment, with meds and therapy.  I thank the powers that be for that at least.   X
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Snap!  I feel very backward in my personal development on a social level.  I don't seem to have many reasonable opinions of my own to add to a conversation.  I find myself thinking of a combination of what my Dad would say and what why Mum would say,   Their crazy views swinging from one side of my mind to the other, often rude. old-fashioned and just odd!
I have used my Christian Faith to learn a bit about life and morals e.t.c.  I have found it painfully confusing to be honest because not only to I have their (usually black/white) views- rude, old-fashioned, odd ; I feel the emotion and get into like a role-play of either my Mum or Dad.  However I was the only one out of my Brother and Sister to suffer B.P.D. and mental health difficulties.  Hope this makes sense!  All the best Beanie0 x  
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