What can I do about my condition?

I am a 37 yr old guy. I have been diagnosed with depression 2 years ago and I was on medication. I have been discharged from being depressed early this year by the psychotherapist. 2 months ago, I quit my job because I felt that I was taken a ride by my ex-employer. I have joined direct selling and other commission based services several times, but each time I am about to start, I somehow will have excuses and end up not continuing what I have started. Maybe, it is not the right thing to do. I believe I also have low confidence despite being a professional. This could be because I sometimes interpreted things wrongly and I criticize myself harshly. I don't have the motivation to work. I feel sad because I cannot provide the things that I used to provide to my wife, yet I don't have the motivation to change my current state. I just feel that I can apply for and secure a job but later on, I might just quit. I was a people pleaser and I believe I still am. I don't know what I want for myself since I have been people pleasing in the past. Even the professional qualification was my dad's, not mine. Am I having a relapse of depression or am I having some other ailment? What can I do about this? It is eating into my soul each and every day. Sometimes, I just feel like going...but I can't because of my wife and family.

[Jaquta]

It sounds as though you may be experiencing symptoms of depression again.

I expect it may be something more personal triggering the low mood, lack of motivation, etc.  

Once you find out what it is that you want and  don't jeopardize that at the expense of pleasing others you should find that your mood will improve (if in fact that is the underlying factor.  It may not be.).

I personally would encourage you to re-enter psychotherapy to help you work through the emotional issues.  I am not a huge fan of medication as I believe they just mask symptoms or at best help you manage them.  You would need to talk to a doctor about what is most appropriate for you at this time though.
If you are having suicidal thoughts or urges, etc you should definitely see a doctor.

The depression community forum may also be a good place for you to access support and advice.
The mental health expert forum could also be a good place to post if you have questions you would like to ask the doctor.  The expert also has a website (myvirtualshrink.com) for self-directed therapy if you're interested in that as an option.

My advice would be to talk to a doctor (and definitely tell them how bad or desperate you're feeling) and to access psychotherapy.

Good luck!

[Jaquta]

It sounds as though you may be experiencing symptoms of depression again.

I expect it may be something more personal triggering the low mood, lack of motivation, etc.  

Once you find out what it is that you want and  don't jeopardize that at the expense of pleasing others you should find that your mood will improve (if in fact that is the underlying factor.  It may not be.).

I personally would encourage you to re-enter psychotherapy to help you work through the emotional issues.  I am not a huge fan of medication as I believe they just mask symptoms or at best help you manage them.  You would need to talk to a doctor about what is most appropriate for you at this time though.
If you are having suicidal thoughts or urges, etc you should definitely see a doctor.

The depression community forum may also be a good place for you to access support and advice.
The mental health expert forum could also be a good place to post if you have questions you would like to ask the doctor.  The expert also has a website (myvirtualshrink.com) for self-directed therapy if you're interested in that as an option.

My advice would be to talk to a doctor (and definitely tell them how bad or desperate you're feeling) and to access psychotherapy.

Good luck!

[Cherie762]

I agree with above poster you need to re-seek professional help. In my experience and all I have read, deression may kinda go into a remission, but those truely diagnoses with it are at risk for relapses. could be chemical or life stressors.

There is a class of mental health medications called "mood stabilisers" its usually known for bi-polar, also used for anti-seisure...and less commonly (what I use it for) to supress racing thoughts,,just your mind going worry worry worry...irrational worries, the med i take is called Lamictal and let me tell you it has made a world of difference...

Usually w most people who take mental health meds it takes a few trys or 5 or 7 whatever. to get the right combo...your not there yet....do not settle for feeling the way you do, you can and must keep searching insisting till you get proper therapy, meds or a combo of.

best wishes, Advocate for self !!!!!!

Cherie

[swashbuc]

Thanks for your prompt reply. I really appreciate that.

I have a problem knowing what I want as I have been a people pleaser since I was a child. When I realized this a few years back, I was suddenly without a goal (of my own). I suddenly felt lost. I am now trying to get in touch with what I want but it certainly is an uphill task.

As for re-entering psychotherapy, I think my psychotherapist is not able to help me solve deeper issues that I may have. On top of that, the charges do not come cheap. Thanks for suggesting others who may be of help to me and thank you for caring.

[swashbuc]

Thank you for replying with the relevant information. I really appreciate that.

[Jaquta]

So it was lack of purpose and direction that pulled your mood down.  Recognizing the link between your emotions and your mood can be extremely helpful.

It is difficult to feel connected and to feel like you own your own life at times.  Not having concrete goals or direction can leave you with many self-doubts.

Maybe looking at activities you enjoy or are good at will give you clues as to what lines you could be pursuing.  Deep down you will probably know what it is you want to do.

Pleasing people may not necessarily be a bad thing as long as you are able to retain your integrity and self-respect.  Maybe the problem is that you feel taken for granted.  Where people may be more interested in the product than the process.  It may be more about the unfulfilled emotional needs that you have.

I think that you still do have issues which need working through.  A good therapist should be able to help you resolve the deeper ones.
Therapy is rarely cheap.  I find there is always some cost, be it emotional or financial.
If you are in the States there are low or zero fee clinics that could possibly help.

The selling may not be the right thing but your reluctance may also be due to having been taken advantage of (and it may be that which is creating the resistance).
You know yourself and your situation best so go with what you feel is right for you.
It is OK to trust yourself, you know.

Have you discussed any of your thoughts and feelings with your wife?  She may be able to help support you and help you work through some of these issues.

I have an extremely harsh internal critic as well.  I read a comment by Dr Gould, the mental health expert forum doctor, and he was questioning why we allow these irrational thoughts to take over when they have no basis in reality.  Why do we?

I don't believe it is your Dad's qualification.  You earned it, didn't you?  This may be something you need to work through as well.  Not sure.  Was your Dad's?  Past tense?

I hope you're able to work through all your issues and make your life work for you.
You seem like a very nice person.  You deserve to feel better.

[swashbuc]

>>Maybe looking at activities you enjoy or are good at will give you clues as to what lines you could be pursuing.  Deep down you will probably know what it is you want to do.

Believe it or not, it has been so long that I can't really recall what are the things I really enjoy doing. Hence, the difficulty in moving forward.

>>Pleasing people may not necessarily be a bad thing as long as you are able to retain your integrity and self-respect.  Maybe the problem is that you feel taken for granted.  Where people may be more interested in the product than the process.  It may be more about the unfulfilled emotional needs that you have.

You are right. I will be working on self-therapy once I get the book by Jay Earley. I need to work on my innerself urgently as I believe I have a lot of emotional pains buried deep within me.

>>Have you discussed any of your thoughts and feelings with your wife?  She may be able to help support you and help you work through some of these issues.

Yes, my wife gives me the support I need.

>>I don't believe it is your Dad's qualification.  You earned it, didn't you?  This may be something you need to work through as well.  Not sure.  Was your Dad's?  Past tense?

I earned it because I thought it was my choice until I realized that it wasn't and I don't enjoy the profession that I am in.

>>I hope you're able to work through all your issues and make your life work for you.
You seem like a very nice person.  You deserve to feel better.

Thank you so much for your time and effort. It is great to have someone to talk to.

[Jaquta]

You could try the reverse.  What do you hate the most?  What don't you want to do?

What did you enjoy?  That will still provide some clues.  Or what is important to you.
Your family?

If you can afford too I would look at Dr Gould's myvirtualshrink.com or do his free trial.  
I would ask a question on the mental health expert forum and let the doctor guide you.  He may even be able to offer you some insights.  He has helped me heaps.  I have learned a lot about myself through him.
I was in therapy but my T left nearly two years ago.  His help and insights have helped starve off debilitating depression and suicide.  

That is good to have an open and honest relationship with your wife.

You know choices can change as we go through life.  Priorities can change.
Could you be suffering a mid-life crisis?  ??

I'm happy to talk.  I am not the most functional person though.  I have issues too.

Other forums such as the depression and anxiety community forums have more through traffic so it's possible you would get more support or input there.

I come and go but I'm happy to talk when I'm around (which is a lot at the moment).

My T gave me a book to read once.  It was called Dibs In search Of Self.  I guess that is about a person finding his feet and his path.  If you have access to it at the library you may find it interesting.  It's not the typical read but it could be helpful.  Not sure.

I hope your self-directed therapy goes well.

[swashbuc]

I think I will have a go at posting a question on the forum. As for mid life crisis, I am not sure if I am having it. It is quite difficult to differentiate between the two.

Thanks for your many suggestions.

[Jaquta]

Life can be very complex and confusing at times.
My life feels like a constant crisis so I guess I wouldn't know a mid-life crisis if I fell over it.  I am not near mid life yet so I guess I have a whole lifetime to prepare for that.
There are many different life transitions so any have the potential to cause stress.

Good luck for finding your path and your way forward.

[swashbuc]

Good luck to you too.

[Jaquta]

Thanks!