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What disorder is behind obsessive love?
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What disorder is behind obsessive love?

Girlfriend (28, single no kids) would be very sensitive, loving and act like a little girl, she would give me bigger than normal gifts, she would help me with any task i need to do, she would set up apointment with dentist and come with me, she would remember my friend berthdays, she knows my SSN by memory  etc, etc, she said she knows me like the palm of her hand when we were just few weeks together. She is sociable, energetic, like sports and has friends that she sees weekly. But also she seems some times depressed specially when she is at her appartment alone, there i noticed few things like a broken glass in her room that could be easily replaced but she just tape it, her car is also always dirty ouside and inside not what you would spect from a girl car i think. One day I called to invite her for a ride, she were in the farm out of the city so I said no problem will do it tomorrow, she started crying and screaming over the phone, she wanted to go but can't get  a car to drive back, i din't understant why she made a big deal of something trivial.... She would also ask me 1000 times why i'm with her, so that one day i've got tired and said bc your father pays me, a joke offcourse..not brillant I know now. She needs to know in advance at what time I will call her the next day. As month went by she started being very controlling like showing up at my house every day w/o notice at differnt times, most times bringing food that  i like. She started asking wherabouts, checking cell phone,pushing me to introduce her to my family, or have me spend more time with her family. For me we had a perfect connection and all this was part of her personality and didn't suspect any problems. Sex drive wasen't that high from my side, she is pretty but no sexy, would not seduce in any way and would not start anything, she said she knows that and in her opinion is because they are 3 sisters and as a child she had to work in her father's farm doing boy's stuff. So 3 month after we met we happend to had a motorcycle accident and I got a knee injured and could not walk for few weeks, during that time she acted as a wife helping me out in every possible way, the relationship went into a deeper lever, like i give her a key of my house, but kind of artificially just because the accident. Later on I told her about this not so strong sex drive and that i wanted to work it out, if she can help any even better, she got defensive and started acussing me of cheating and so. After trying to get this issue resolved for 2 month I asked her a break because the situation was not making any progress and maybe a couple weeks break can help us. No way she said she no gonna be at home while i'm cheating with oll the girls in town.  Few weeks later she gave me a letter saying her doctor told her she has 3 month of live becuse a discovered tumor??!!. I was shocked and postponed any break ideas, weeks later i asked how she was doing and said fine i had nothing???. i was happier than angry.  After that I had my sister been in a "confirmation" ceremony at the Church for which close family will attend, she wanted to go, I explained was not the place to introduce her, but she went agressive and said would not get out of the car and said she will wait outside the church, once there she jumped out and said she will get in the church and start screeming if i don't get in with her and introduce her to family , I didn't want to spoil my sister ceremony so i accepted, this behavior will repeat a docen of times in the coming months. Frts rage attack was few month latter, she discovered and ex. visited one day when i had my broken knee, was just a visit but she said she was my lover and she had "discovered" the thruth. Soon after that she exploded, red face, tears, screaming, saying her father will come and hit me and made me pay for all i've done to her. I told her to leave and return only when normal. So her father and psicologist came see me, psicologist told me nothing obout her seems like she told them i was some sort of moster. Any way I accepted her back but jeaolusy delusions started to be every time more frequent like after few month she would accuse me almost every day based on insignificant and worng evidence like a glas with coke means a black party, and ink stain is "blood" from sex party etc etc. Also one day gave me crying an evelop full of many she said she was saving to hire a private detective.
When i would not want to take her to some event like meeting with friend or something she would follow me in his car, even crossing red lights, she does not care about consecuences. I tried to left her well tahts difficult as i could not stop her to come to my house every day and didn't have the balls to call the police, but I didn't answer the phone for few days, result: her syster called saying she was dying and i need to go rescue her, found her on bed could barely talk and said i should not warry. I told her syster she need psichiatric help that was beyond my possibilities, she said they have attending therapy the howl family for some issue they have related to working together (they have a pharmacy and all work togethjer which is very stressing bc father does his way and do not accept any sugestions). Well i took her back knowing It wont be good but the other alternative may put her on suicide risk and i would preffer to endure more of this rahter that see her phisically injured. During all this time she made very good friend w/ my sister and was one more of my family. She used to repeat she would leave me so i can find the woman i deserved, i said all you have to do is be normal, she said she was just like that the good part and the bad part. She would never aknowledge the cheating accusations were not true, for her there were no doubts and i was gulty and a liar. How it ended? we spent hollidays together in the beach and enjoyed much, just one rage attack on how i bended a tent at the beach?? and one delusion that i left the hotel room during the night to have sex with someone??? no rasoning with her was possible to prove my inocence. Well shortly been back home after a family lunch on my fathers birthday she started crying I asked why and she said becuse she will lose me, nothing new so far, but then she said was pregnant from a lover!! check mate.  She said it was my fault, nothing more she then left. For 2-3 days i could not sleep i could expect many wird things from her but not this one specially after the way she forced her way into my familly and all the cheating acusations now she is cheating  can't believe it! Well in did was true she came 3 days after to my house, like always w/o notice. Gave some photos from the recet trip to the beach but said nothing then she started crying she has ruining her live and playing the victim i ended up comforting her, but she insisted it was my faul and she did it to take revenge for all my infidelities!!! again no possible rasoning here, she even said it was my fault because whe i met her we let like 4 weeks until we have sex and that i was "slow" because with her lover ended up in bed in few days... she has told already every body about it so i felt ignored shoudl she would come to me the first day apologys and let me decide how to handled it I would have achance but now i was too hurt and ask her out. Havent seen her since, misisng the "good" her, unable to move forward and unable to close this.
Few months after that reading on internet about jealosuy I was sorprised/ shocked to read similar cases, at first thought it was delusional jealosusy but lack the part of obssesion and reading some borderline stories seem similar....any idea what this could be?

And thanks for reading this long, long post I hope it helps somone dealing with similar problems so they can handle it better than i did.      
        
      











        
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Avatar_f_tn
Usually behind excessive love is narcissism (narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder).  We all have ego's and these can sometimes be hurt which can represent a narcissistic wound (or a wound to our ego).

Borderline personality disorder is more about abandonment issues.

It does seem she exhibits some 'borderline' behaviors.  Some behaviors don't quite seem to gel though.  It could be that they are extreme forms of the behavior or possibly even different disorders.

I think bpd could be a good fit.  You could try checking out the dsm-iv diagnostic criteria for bpd and see what you think yourself.

I would be concerned about her paranoia (which could closely border psychosis at times.  Either that or antisocial personality disorder).
Her lying could also be a way to avoid being abandoned.  I was going to suggest fictitious disorder but I think bpd could explain most of her symptoms away.

If I were you I would back off, she is clearly unwell and in some respects even seems dangerous.
I think she needs treatment.  She should definitely be assessed by a psychiatrist.  If you have concerns for her safety call the police or have her sectioned.  If you're worried about your own call the police.  She needs help.

J
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remar
st. louis, MO