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What does my "BPD" ex want
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What does my "BPD" ex want

He always accused me of being emotionally unstable-yet I couldn't do or say anything correct. It was always push/pull, cold-hot, I'm sick of you, come here. I would get angry, but I never hit, scream or fight dirty. Every time we argued, I felt like he picked the fight and then would bring up everything thing wrong I had done in the past. He is unemployed and nothing works out for him. I do rather well. I always felt like I was not acting like myself in many ways. He would ignore my calls and dismiss me all the time. Whenever I would start to pull away, he would suck me back in. I didn't get it. I would try to break up all the time-and he would find a way to manipulate me to stick around. He would always accuse me of cheating and if I looked at another guy, he would get jealous. I felt like he was messing around but he would never want to talk about it-and I was ok with things benign open. He dumped me out of the blue and I was pretty hurt. He told our friends things that were personal about me. He made me out to be a monster.

I didn't get it and I was devastated. I tried so hard and it was never enough. We started contact and he offered his help- I thought, "OK, thats fine we are not together anymore and I guess we can be friends." He acted like nothing happened and he made subtle passes. I was shocked. I thought he wanted to get back together, but I didn't trust him yet. My head was confused again.

I broke into his emails. Over 6,000-all looking for sex. On my birthday, holidays, when I was sitting across from him and after he had sex with me. The account was started in 2011.  One email (in an older account-stated that when we were first stated dating, he didn't like how close I was getting to him." Yet, he happily inserted himself into my life and with my family. There were so many times when I wanted this to end and he would wiggle himself back in. I would work "on myself" and he would treat me like crap. Now he is coming over tomorrow to help again. I know a lot more now. I have no idea what he wants from me. Why would he do this when I was such a "monster?"The only thing I did wrong was trust somebody and believed that  they loved me-it was all fake. I don't know why out of the 6,000+ I was the victim. He found a replacement when it really went on the rocks. It didn't work out. I'm more detached now, but still in a position where he can suck back in-if thats his motive.

what does this man want?  
Avatar_f_tn
Sorry to hear that. Seriously, after going through a similar thing myself, all I can suggest is no contact. Zero. It will hurt and be like getting over an addition to a bad drug that used to really stimulate your endorphins, but the games will never end. And, honestly, if he was looking for sex, he may have had it behind your back and put you at risk. Any further contact with this man could be a health hazard. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. You wont ever know what he wants, because he doesn't know himself and it changes daily and impulsively I am sure, and he cannot control that. So, unless you want to forever feel this way, avoid him. Find new places to go. Find new friends if you have to and try to minimize seeing mutual friends. It'll just drag you down otherwise. They will always have the edge, because we can never find a pattern that makes sense in their behaviour.
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