What to do about a BPD wife?

I have been living with my wife for 12 years. She was very sweet and wanted to make me as happy as possible.. At the slightest disagreement, she would rage or cry or hurt herself.. Then she would not talk with me for days or even weeks. She would falsely accuse me of things that I did not do and would campaign against me to friends and family. At the end it would always be that I am insensitive and she loves me so much that she cannot live without me. I discovered a defense systems where we both separated things as much as possible and avoided disagreements.. but we set us apart so much that she started to have affair [most of them were unknown to me]. She had 6 or 7 suicidal attempts. Long time back a therapist told us about BPD and how it may be causing problem in our marraige. Her previous affairs were with nice people and somehow got unnoticed from me. She is having an affair with a pyshopath.. She worships the psychopath.  She does whatever the psychopath wants her to do. If psychopath humiliates her with a bad word..she would repeat that word [at another time] to humiliate her. Things are so hurtful you cannot even imagine. Sexual perversion [sadism] and controlling is just a part of what might have started as an emotional affair. They are denying everything and campaigning against me as much as possible. I am afraid about my 8 year old daughter [this psychopath's sexual craving and variety does not know any age limit. He goes with someone as old as his mother's age to very younger girls]. I heard so many abnormal sexual things about him [many of them from ny wife]. I have no proofs of my wife's abuse, suicidal attempts, affairs, how she ignored my daughter the most of last 8 years. I donot know how to protect my daughter. Help.. I dont even know whether her therapist diagnosed her BPD, because she knows about the disease and the symptoms and the psychopath is directing her on how to fool the therapist..

[ILADVOCATE]

If your wife needs to psychiatric help you should encourage her in a supportive way to seek help because it will help with her recovery because it will. If she is in need of help to the point where she is destructive to herself or others and is unaware there are agencies that can be contacted. If a child is in danger though or you are concerned or in anyway suspect it you would really have to contact Child Protective Services. They could put a restraining order on this person she knows, being in contact with the child. It is a difficult issue when someone needs help and they are not aware.

[freebird227]

I would like to believe that my husband of twelve years would take whatever measures were necessary to keep me and our child safe from harm.
Having said that I realize this is something that over time you yourself have probally numbed out to some of the behavior in order to exist.
Yes talking to her during  one of her more approachable moods would be ideal,and she herself go for some serious help.I would hang with that for a while, it may take you bringing it up several times. Remember to keep it clean no attacking verabally ( she'll shut you out and then go act out ) Probally.
Push comes to shove your first priority is the safety of the child,gest remember unless your ready to make radical changes keep ss out of it as long as you can, once they are on board*****they basically tell you what has to be done.By no means don't contact them if it is urgent ( wife haveing child around other men) thats what they are there for.Actually by law you are required to report it, so is anyone else who knows about it.

Check the laws in your state and see if you can involuntary have her committed,most states have a " cause harm to themselves or others"requirement.They will send the sheriff out to pick her up so you would want to make sure the child is not at home.

Good Luck, I hope the best for all you guys

[geesja]

I had got the divorce  a while ago and keep my sanity and my child saved under a legal custody. I am sorry to go to the trigger point too fast, but it's what I had done. Best wishes for you!

[CaryChung]

I feel you pain brother!!!...I have a wife just got marry on 2/14/2009..and we dated more than 10 years.  I love her, even before marry we have SO many arguments for something that is no reason needed to argue. For example: over a celebrity gossip news, not make sandwich for her, always assume a lot of thing before i even can answer the questions, honeymoon not allow me to use my personal recreation money for my hobby, she can buy or wanted me to buy her stuffs make up, clothes and food anything(All i wanted it's a $23 of a nice amine GUNDAM robot figure in japan) i have no problem buying that from my own personal money for the trip,  why she as a wife has the worst experience than other wife around her (other pple's wife don't need to work, husband give them all the money, buy them house, does not talk back, etc), , I mean it's so much drama inside.  

I really know where u are coming from...But now u have a kid..u have a whole different ball game to play...it's for the future of you kid.  I think u definitely need to resolve the issues in a mature way.  it's like if u divorce it bad to the kids, but if mom continue acting like this, either your daughter will really dislike her mom or will act the same thing when she gets old. as we all know, kids tend to fellow the path of a parents.  

really need to have wisdom to due with the matter..I can do is pray for u, ur family and my friend in my own mess too.  take care

God Bless.....

I think He is the solution and cure!