What to do???

I am a borderline with an eating disorder, sometimes bordering anorexia criteria and sometimes bulemia, so I get the wonderful title eating disorder not otherwise specified, panic disorder, major depressive disorder, substance abuse, OCD over the stupidist things, and just not what I should be.  I struggle with letting go of my eating disorder as I really do like or would rather be underweight.  I have had two suicide attempts, one as a teenager, and another at age 31 which was last september.  I was working as an ICU nurse, charge nurse, preceptor nurse (all in the same 16 hr with no break shift).  Two days after dealing with a very stressful week at work keeping someone alive that honestly pained me to see her staying alive day in and out in her conditioned to the point I would just break down at home.  Anyways two days later I asked my children if they would be happier staying with a family member while mommy fixed herself, and my 12 yr old said yes, by that I felt it was the ultimate slap in the face that even my children would rather not be with me and I felt like my presence was hurting them, so on Sept. 4 I took 80 to 100 benedryl to in my mind just sleep for ever.  Meanwhile I have lost my job, been approved for SSA disability quick enough that I dont even qualify for payments for months. My husband of 14 years did nothing for our anniversary last week, it was like any other day.  He has quit probably his 5 or 6  job in the past 6 months due to his anxiety, so we are desparately broke.  We are filing Bankruptcy and foreclosing on our home.  I am currently stuck on the fact that I put on 26lbs in like 3 days due to fluid shifts and my weight is staying up.  that is what I have put at the top of my priority list?????  I love my husband but worry for my own health if i should divorce him, or is that BPD thinking?  I'm overwhelmed and exhausted, and now feeling fat to top it off.  That is me in the moment....