What would you do?

[sweetcheeks57]

My son is 32, and he works off and on until someone "insults" him by saying he is too quiet, or until he gets sick of the job for some other reason and then he quits. I have been paying his rent for years. I am out of money, his dad is laid off, and I feel he has to get a job and stick with it. He was diagnosed with Schizotypal personality disorder, but his two brothers are Bipolar I and II, so really I am not sure about the diagnosis. He won't go to therapy long enough to find out if the diagnosis is correct, nor will he take medicine. He is very intelligent, quit college right before he was to get a degree in math. Right now, he wants to move in our tiny apt with us. However it didn't work before, because he said he couldn't work while living with us, that we "weakened" him psychologically.He owes student loans and needs to make money, but he has certain conditions for getting jobs, like he thinks he is above getting a regular ten dollar/hour job, and he doesn't want to stand all day being a teller or some such job. What do you do? My therapist says to cut off the rent money and let him hit rock bottom so he wakes up, but honestly we tried it for a week and he lived at the train station. What do you do?

[ILADVOCATE]

I would agree he has to understand he has to take medication. I would not agree that cutting off his rent money is a good idea because as you stated he became homeless. His psychiatrist needs to work with him to understand why he needs to take medication. But with what you described because of his lack of self awareness (which is often part of any personality disorder) it would be very hard for him to keep a job. The best thing for him to do in my opinion would be to apply for SSI. From there he could be eligible for supported or supportive housing (where they could also monitor to see he took his medication as prescribed). They could then provide day programs with job training and from there he might be able to integrate into the community more and be able to go back to work. You could find out more about how to apply for SSI and supported and supportive housing and other options for people with disabilities at your local independent living center. Here's a list. There's one in every county of every state:
http://www.ilru.org/html/publications/directory/index.html

[Bliarg]

Hi,

What a hard situation.  He needs to realise that he has a problem, and seek and accept help for it.  Is it possible for him to get a disability income from social security?  I'm not clear on USA rules...SSI as above might be the way to go.

I think you need to calmly explain your financial position to him, and give him notice that your support will end soon - say, 2 weeks, 4 weeks, a month.  Say it and stick to it.  At the time you tell him, present him with viable options such as SSI, disability income or other support.  He might need some type of rehabilitiation, you might look to see if there are any organisations offering people with mental health problems supported accommodation.  After warning him that your support must end for your own wellbeing, and after giving him options to pursue, if he winds up homeless, that is a path he must follow in order to come to realise the severity of his health problems.  

He has to understand that his behaviour is not normal or functional.  He needs to seek a diagnosis, be reassured of your love and emotional support, and to understand that you have needs which must be met.  

Best of luck to you and your son.