Whats wrong with me?

[allegri]

Hello, I've been wondering for a long time what is wrong with me and I have tried many sites with no real results. Do not reccomend a therapist as my parents laughed at me when I suggested it. I sincerely hope you may halp me at least figure out whats wrong with me.
ME:
I am a 13 year old male. 6ft. I.Q. 139 . I am deppresed (I think). few friends, though the few are verey good friends. Will have strong urges to hit others. fantisize about violent occurences. laugh when others get hurt. create complex plans to hurt others. am verey afraid for my fingers, will constantly check they are still on my hands and undamaged. once gave into urges to hurt others and nearly snapped my gym partners neck. I kept a straight face and remember showing no emotion. I have suicidal thoughts.I am not on drugs.

Please tell me whats wrong and describe the illness if any.
Thank you,
Christopher

[Steph4302]

Hi Christopher. I am glad that you are reaching out for help and I'm sorry that your parents laughed at you when you suggested seeing a therapist. How long have you been feeling this way? It seems like you are a very intelligent young man who has a lot of anger within you. Do you feel angry and violent all of the time? or do certain things set you off or act as triggers? I am worried about your anger and I believe that it may get you into trouble if it is not addressed professionally. Have you talked to your parents about your anger, depression, and suicidal thoughts? Many times parents do not want to believe that there may be something "wrong" with their child or that they are unhappy because it makes them feel as if they failed at being a parent. Parents sometimes do not truly understand what a teenager is going through. I do not believe that you should have to live this way without receiving help. Is there anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to about this? Perhaps a teacher, school counselor, relative, or family friend?

Feel free to send me a private message if you wish. I would like to help. Hang in there.

Stephanie

[diemyn]

I don't think there's anything wrong with you. It seems like you are just super sensitive to lower vibrating, negative energies. And there are plenty of them in this world. I'd suggest doing some kind of activity that helps you to connect to yourself. Get to know yourself on a soul-ar level. Maybe you lost your fingers in a recent past life or maybe your consciousness wire got crossed with another persons here and now so that you partially experienced what they were experiencing. If you're an avid reader I'd suggest looking into some kooky spiritual and metaphysical genres. It's not as kooky as you think it is. I say meditate to many, but that just means getting quiet with yourself and letting your thoughts go where they will. It's not about complete silence or a blank mind, just a sensing of the inner calm within you. The more you resist these thoughts the more they will persist. I'm not saying you should act on them. I fear that denying them would only force them to manifest as physical. Just allowing yourself to think them is enough. You aren't what you think or what you do. You just are.

Love and Light,
Diemyn

[Jen813]

Hi!  I have to agree with what steph4302 says.  You need to find someone you can talk to.  You shouldn't have to feel this way, and you really shouldn't have to feel this way alone.  There are many other people in the world that have the same kinds of feelings and the same tendencies, so know it is not just you.  If you can find someone at your school maybe then they can talk with your parents.  If there is a counselor, the counselor will have techniques of talking to them.  Steph is right, many parents don't want to believe that there is something wrong.  It's a hard thing to deal with. I went through the same thing with my parents when I was in high school.  To this day my mom still refuses to believe that I"m bipolar and just insists that I am different.  No matter what though, you may be young, but nobody knows you better than you.  If worst comes to worst and you can't find anyone to talk to, tell your parents you are sick, get them to schedule you and appointment with your regular doctor and while you are there tell them what you are thinking and how you are feeling.  Your doctor will know what to reccomend you do.  

Best of luck and I hope everything works out for you.  Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.   Please keep us posted.

Jen

[ILADVOCATE]

Your parents are wrong for not saying you have problems. Speak to a school psychologist and tell them what's going on. They will explain to your parents what is going on. I am not sure what your diagnosis is as I am not a psychiatrist. It depends on whether you have psychotic thoughts or not. There are aspects of borderline personality disorder or what could evolve into anti-social personality disorder. Sometimes a person who does can't tell. But regardless if you have violent or suicidal ideations and have acted on them, don't delay in seeking help regardless of any posts that say otherwise. If you ever have these immediate urges go to a local mental health crisis center and speak to someone. Don't delay. Because if you keep acting on these urges you may end up somewhere involuntarily, a psychiatric hospital or worse yet have an encounter with the law. It can be very dangerous to feel this way. Therapy will benefit you and after you speak to a psychiatrist they can decide whether medication can help. I have schizoaffective disorder and am recovered and work as an advocate and have been through this in the past. Send me a message if you want any referral information.

[diemyn]

oh, good lord, don't tell people it's dangerous to feel!

[ILADVOCATE]

All emotions are a normal part of life and I did not say otherwise. If a person has feelings of self harm or destructiveness these should be worked on through therapy or through medication as needed. I did not say they should be repressed. That is not healthy either.