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Why am I ashamed?
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Why am I ashamed?

I have just been diagnosed with BPD, after being given a different mental ill heath diagnosis for the last 10 years. I have never judge anyone else with the diagnosis an hey, It's only a diagnosis, I'm still me, but for some reason I am so ashamed. Or maybe I'm just embarressed. I'm not sure which but I wondered if anyone could relate to that, or is that me just being very irrational again?

I have always felt detached from the world and at times not even like a human being. It's like I'm not meant to be in this world, yet I'm still fighting on each day. I sometimes wonder why? Has anyone with BPD felt like this at some point and then it has went away. Does anyone fully recover?

mcjay
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I've known people who made a recovry from bpd, one person with Abilify. The other issue that helped them was talk therapy and realizing what was going on and coming to terms with it. I myself have recovered from schizoaffective disorder but before recovery did have psychotic thoughts and destructive behavior. But one thing I would address is the identification. To me that is part of recovery and one that professionals don't address enough but should as it doesn't undermine any help they give but backs it up. Don't think of a diagnosis as anything shameful because often that's how people feel at first, myself including and believe that having a psychiatric disability is "stigma". Its an inherited disability just like diabetes or epilepsy. You didn't do anything wrong. I don't see anything positive about it and it is something to recover from. But it is also part of your life. Just say you are a person with a psychiatric disability and think of it that way. As long as someone respects the law and society and stays in treatment any negativity that comes from society is discrimination. Part of recovery is self acceptance. In valuing yourself then you can progress further.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank-you for responding to my post. I really wish I could value and respect myself but that is very difficult when I don't even like myself, can't even accept me for who I am. I said I had another diagnosis for the past 10 years and coincidentally it is schizoaffective disorder too, and my psychiatrist thinks I also have an eating disorder. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?....that so seems abnormal to me!!!

Everything started going wrong 17 years ago and I can't think of a substantial, sustained period of time where it seemed right for me to fit into this world somewhere. Any idea's please on how I can believe in recovery when things seem to go from bad to worse no matter how much I try to take control of my life.

mcjay
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585414_tn?1288944902
Well the first step is to be a part of the disability community in general. And it can be as a consumer at first. So there are independent living centers. Here's a link to all of them:
http://www.ilru.org/html/publications/directory/index.html
These are for people with disabilities in general and where I was able to first find a place in the community and they are pro-treatment and in fact will work with providers if needed but are consumer oriented and not medical model. When you see people with all disabilities then you can have a better idea of where to go as regarding accepting your disability and being part of the disability community in general. I found this sense of self acceptance before I recovered mentally and it was the only way I now accept my severe physical disability. Of course your medication could be adjusted as well if that's not working out and you could discuss that but as for "self acceptance with a disability" the point is not to stop going to mental health support groups but to also go to places for people with all disabilities, most il centers have them and also become a part of the outside world. Sometimes part of the reason people with psychiatric disabilities feel cut off from society is because society makes us feel unwelcome and we have to network with people in general. If you have a hobby or interest go to a group for that and meet people in general. Community integration is essential too.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi

I too can relate to the feelings of shame you mention.
I think shame is inherent with this disorder, but perhaps this is not true for everyone.

I don't think you're being irrational.  I think some people may feel embarrassed about being diagnosed with a mental illness but I think for the most part shame is the core emotion.  Shame for being diagnosed with bpd, shame for not having everything together, shame for just being.

I have often felt that way, and no, it hasn't really gone away.  It is worse when my mental health is worse though.
I think we fight through every day, and at times, every second of everyday, because somewhere we believe things can be better, because we believe we can be better.  The strength that keeps us unwell is the same strength that will help us recover.

I think recovery is a lifelong process but that it is a possibility.  I have to believe that recovery is possible or else why am I doing this?
With unconditional love and acceptance we are able to make changes and those changes can make a world of difference to our lives.

Try not to rush or force things.  I know the diagnosis and it symptoms can be hard to live with but just deal with each moment and day as it comes.

It sounds like you are struggling and are perhaps even a little desperate.  I would strongly recommend engaging in therapy with a trained therapist.
Eating disorders, etc arise because we use food, etc to manage our often overwhelming emotions.
Emotional regulation will help us feel more in control of ourselves and our lives.

Take care.
J

Perhaps you could try being more flexible and less rigid.
One thing that has helped me a great deal is learning to accept that things can be different to how I expect them to be.
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