I made a post a couple of weeks ago regarding my boyfriend with BPD. Today, I had a very important interview for my career. I came back to a message from him. Last night he had a crisis and took himself to the hospital he has attended before. I was shocked. I knew he had been depressed but i talked to him last night and he seemed fine. We have been together 2 years and live in different countries. I am a supportive partner and I always let him know I love him and can deal with his bad times. He was telling me how much he loved me and how he hopes I will bear with him whilst he gets help. I let him know I am not going to disappear and that he is totally loved and that all I care about right now is his safety
I feel upset. How did things go bad so fast? I also worry he will push me away when he gets out and want to end the relationship. I don't want to stress him but don't want to lose him either. I am not sure how to deal with this and feel very concerned for him and for us as a couple
Any help would be very welcome
do u have an email i could correspond back and fourth with u .i have bpd n bipolor and much rather talk one on one if thats ok mine is ***@**** .i will tell u my story and thoughts there and maybe it will help u both ok
Hi. First of all I must say I totally admire your boyfriend for recgonising the crises, knowing it was probably BPD thinking which resulted in him seeking help. It's taken me 30 years as a BPD to actually learn to ask for help or know when I'm a danger to myself, past crises have always ended up with ambulance to A&E/in-patient. I'm NOT in any way ''siding'' with a BPD, I'm hoping to offer another way of seeing this situation, which appears to have excluded you. I know you are a very important part of your partener's life, reassuring him constantly as you do. I may even say you are giving him reason to steer away from self-harm which torments BPD's so much, of which many give in (including me). He's asked for help BEFORE he hurt himself or somebody else and thats so positive. Just continue being there and let things take their course. One last thing: BPD symptoms can have a very rapid onset for some folk - literally minutes from being ''ok'' to wanting to die, I know as this happens to me, hang in there because you've done well so far. XX
thank you so much for this comment. I am still learning a lot about BPD and how it manifests itself. I did get very upset and angry but after talking to him today he told me it just completely overwhelmed him and he couldn't deal with it with his usual coping strategies. I am now very proud of how responsible he was and I have told him that. he is a good person and a loving man and I know that his BPD is something he struggles with and most of the time he handles things very well. I love him and I have a huge amount of respect for him and anybody who suffers from this problem. All I would like is a bit more communication from him and the ability to know how to help him in the best way when times are bad
I'm so pleased you got back to us to report part of the outcome regarding your boyfriend's management of his BPD. I soooooooooooooo hope things continue to grow in your relationship with this young chap. You both appear to be totally honest people which is more than half way to the making of a great couple. It takes a lot of effort and understanding on both sides, as indeed any relationship does but obviously when BPD is involved it is much much more concentrated. WELL DONE 'brumgirl', you've done a fantastic job of giving him and the situation the benifit of the doubt and you won't be sorry. I wish you both all the luck and love in the world for borderliners can actually be extremely giving and loyal people. XXXXX
Hi Waggidog, thanks for your lovely comments
i spoke with my fella today and he isnt too good. He says he feels it's the same old issues of shame and guilt that he deals with all the time and doesn't know what can be done to change them. he feels he deserves to unhappy and being alone is all that he can cope with. he wants me in his life but doenst feel he has anything much to offer me. I feel very down. We are having a long distance relationship and we have talked about living together in the future but how can we if he prefers to be alone. I feel like giving up. All is do is try to be supportive and reassure but at times i feel he uses his problems as excuses to keep me at a distance. i don't want to end the relationship but i need him to know that we need some goals to aim for some plans for the future otherwise there is no future. Obviously i cannot bring this up at the moment as he is too fragile. I don't know how to get him to be totally honest with me or how to get him to consider my feelings. i feel very down
My fella just called me and he will be in the hospital for at least another week. He can leave if he wants but has chosen to stay and get help. I am pleased he has decided that. He told me his shrink explained that he has had a burn out as he has been ignoring symptoms of stress and symptoms of his BPD. He agrees and now is taking more responsibly and seems very eager to address his issues. I am really pleased for him. I have been worried about him for a while but he has been very anti therapy, saying it is pointless and nothing changes. I think this crisis has made him realise he needs to think about therapy differently and make more effort to deal with BPD. I am happy for him and hopeful that this will be a breakthrough for him, it will also hopefully improve our relationship but at the moment I cannot think that far ahead. As long as he gets happier and more self esteem is the most important thing now
I am going through almost the exact situation right now. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. We've had mostly great times together but there were times were he would have trouble with his emotions and take it out on me by calling me names and again it happened 3 weeks ago but it was my fault. I got all insecure over a girl he made friends with at his college and I feel so stupid about it. He then broke up with me. We stayed apart from each other for 2 and a half weeks and one night he texted me and our friend that he wanted to die and I called the police. He was getting counseling after our break up but it didn't help because it was just one appointment and he was all alone at our apartment. He's had a bad childhood growing up in foster care and no family and i think the stress of him starting school and him breaking up with me was all too much and he got to that point. I called the police right after he said that because i was too far away to do anything in time. He got help and they believe he does have BPD.....here's where i am stuck...I came back to talk with him about his situation and he then asks me to be with him again. I fell for it because I love him so much. A few days went by and now he is confused about if the therapist is going to tell him he shouldn't be with me. I am terrified that is going to happen but i am willing to do anything for him to feel better about himself. I just hope that we are able to stay together and have a great relationship like we've had most of our 3 years together.
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