help to diagnose

[lifelinecha]

i am married six months back. i donot allow my wife to use our bedroom bathroom, donot want her to take in my car,keep scolding her infront of others, doesnot feel like taking her out for dinners or social places. What could be the reason? is it somekind of disorder? how to work it out?

[Steph4302]

Have you always been this way? Why do you feel the need to always be in control?

What would happen to you if your wife did use your bedroom and bathroom?

This doesn't sound much like a marriage to me. What is your wife's reaction to all of this? More information is needed in order to hypothesize a reason for your behavior. Doesn't sound like a specific disorder to me - more like a power/control issue. The ways to work this out would vary depending on your and your wife's view of these issues. Do you feel guilt or shame in regards to your behavior? Sorry for all of the questions - just trying to get more info.

[Amphitrite]

I think you may benefit from talking to someone about how your feeling and what actions your taking.
It sounds as if there is something going on thats keeping you from letting your wife in and that your keeping her at a distance by not allowing her to use the bedroom bathroom, be in your car or taking her out and scolding her infront of others which is most likely humiliating and shaming to her. All of your actions are sending a message, whether your doing it conciously or subconciously. You have to find out what your trying to tell her with your actions before you can fix the situation with her.

One important question, are all of these actions new to your and your wifes realtionship or have they always been there to some extent and amplified by your getting married?
Regardless of how your wife feels about this, its apparently bothering you to the point you would like to know why its happening.
My advice is to think about making an appointment with someone that may be able to help you work through these issues and then to at some point include your wife in counseling.
It may be important for you to start therapy alone so that you feel able to be honest with what is happening and decide if you would like to start to change things. But I think it may be absolutly beneficial for the both of you to see a counselor together at some point so that there is a place for her to feel she can express her feelings to you in a safe place and visa versa.
No one is going to be able to tell you whats going on unless you see someone to talk to professionally. And unless you can work through finding out why these things are happening nothing is going to improve but most likely get worse as you have been married for only 6 months and the problems are already taking control of your relationship with her.

Amph