My husband was diagnosed several years before our marriage as BPD as well as Narcissistic, I did not about this. Over the years, he lies and only when caught says he will not do such and such again and then turns right around and does something else similar, lately I have found he does match maker.com searches as well as other sites that he can view women on, even porn. The problem is not my looks, the problem is why does he do it, he says he does not know why he does it. He is a prominent business man, very well educated. So then he syas I will never hurt you again and then he does. He also treats me like a princess to my face. I just dont understand him and I dont know what to do about this. Can you advise? ThanK You
I would do a lot of reading about BPD beofre I kicked this guy to the curb. BPD is a real and serious illness. Would he accept therapy and counseling and possibly medication? It's a rough road, but it is treatable and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Get the book "I love you don't leave me" and the book "SOmetimes I Act Crazy" and read them both. It will give you insight.Doubtful he'd read them, but you never know! Educate yourself and it might help a lot.
I agree that BPD is a real illness and needs to be treated. But as she mentioned earlier that he is logging on the MatchMaker.com. An illness is no excuse for infidelity. He has a responsibility to his family or relationship and the fact that he is looking elsewhere is is above and beyond what anyone should put up with.
Its either he gets treatment and acts like a decent human being or he should go. HE needs to make a decision one way or the other.
We all have a case of the wants its but not everyone acts on them. Just because he has an illness doesn't mean he is not expected to be responsible and shuld be allowed to cheat or hurt someone else. It's just wrong.
First of all when you say BPD, do you mean Borderline Personality Disorder or do you me Bi Polar Disorder. They are two different illnesses. However, my position does not change with either on of them. We are still expected to be responsible with our health and relationships no matter how you look at it. And if he has had this for as long as you say, either he is untreatable or is not getting the proper help or is in fact not taking resposibility for his health. Regardless, You deserve to be happy and if you are not happy with this guy knowing he is not going to change, then you have some serious decisions to make for yourself. I wish you luck but please look out for yourself first here.
One more thing. Borderline Personality Disorder is just a simple way of saying due to your earlier lifes experiences and abuse, it is a bit harder to deal with later life's experiences. We all have a little BPD. It is not considered a major serious illness. It's how you want to view labeling for misconduct. The Psychiatric Community had to have a way to describe people. They did this by labeling. However, if you were to ask 5 different Psychologists what your personality disorder is, you would get five different answers. People get really hung up on the labeling. But again, regardless, He has to be resposible just like everyone else to fix it. If he can't be fixed,then you have to decide to stay or move on. Be careful staying if there are children involved. Just like him, you have to think of others too. Now, having said all this, He still deserves to be loved and accepted but he must realize if he makes wrong choices, he could face some consequences.
People change their lives and adjust all the time. Even though he has issues, (we all do) we have to take charge of our lives. And to expect someone else to pay the price for you or him I should say is a diservice you and others and borders on cruelty and disrespect.
It is obvious that he needs to see a professional mental healthcare worker as soon as possible. If he refuses, you can go by yourself and explain the situation and the worker can provide some guidance as to what would be your best course of action.
You don't mention any children and hopefully, none are involved since that would complicate the issue.
If he refuses to seek counseling and his behavior does not change, your only course of action may be divorce, despite how you feel about him.
I need to make a correction or re-word some of my words from an earlier post.
Quote: "BPD. It is not considered a major serious illness."
It is considered a serious illness however, It is not so serious that you can't get help for it. When you get into BiPolar Disorder and Schizo-Affective disorders etc, then yes you have an extremely serious problem on your hands.
There are also different levels of seriousness with BPD. One person may have some of the symptoms whereas another may be suicidal. Not everyone who has BPD has the same symptoms although possible. You may only have one symptom of BPD. Again we all have a little BPD. We all react to things differently and for what ever reason. Inappropriate or not but why some may call a behavior inappropriate, It may actually be understandable under the circimstances. We all come from different lifes experiences and react differently. Who is to say what is appropriate or not.
My biggest concern with your situation is that he ls looking at websites for dating. It is on his mind and that is where his mind-set is at. If he is suicidal then this is a serious problem.
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