ive posted on here before under the anxiety part about having HOCD. but now im thinking i may have BDP. I always seem to try and copy other peoples personalities, like i dont have my own. Even when i do feel like im being myself, i notice myself asking, "what would this person do?" and i tend to act on that. its tough for me to keep real relationships and make new friends. The past 2 girls ive tried to get involved with always say im always "hot and cold". Im extremely indecisive, and am always back and forth with things in my head. there is one of my friends from (he was older than me) that i looked up to and tried to be like. Everyone said we acted the exact same, and i tried to act like him. I still do sometimes to this day, and im 21 now about to graduate college. i have always tried to act like someone else i feel like..I only have a few close friends, and it is extremely hard for me to make new ones.. I never really disagree with anything i sort of just go with th eflow. I also sort of battle with OCD i think, and all of this is making me depressed, anxious, and all of that. My home is broken ever since my father died, my brother still lives at home, im convinced he is crazy, and he and my mom fight all of the time. So whenever i am home, im just chillin in my room by myself doin my own thing... i just feel like i dont know myself at all.
I have gone back and forth thinking that i have BDP, OCD, social anxiety, depression, even schizophrenia. can someone read this and please help give me some advice? i havent talked to a therepist or anything,.. i have noone to really talk about this with, is it possible to have symptoms of bdp but not really have it?
another thing.. i also have very low confidence in myself and my decisions. Like when i make a judgement on something or someone im always thinking maybe im wrong or just being crazy. Il usually base what i accept based on what my friends accept.. make sense?
i also forget thigns allll the time.. and always get details confused.. like ill lose my keys n walet n stuff all of the time.. and forget when and what assignments are due for school and stuff if that makes any difference. ive read up on bdp and i feel like i could have it, but ive also have symptoms of other disorders too.. im posting on here becasue i can't afford a therapist right now.. and i dont know if i mentioned above or not but i have bad social anxiety:/
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