i wanna die, someone save me

[scarlet135]

i wanna die, someone save me

[ILADVOCATE]

What is wrong? What is going on? Is it something in your life? Or a treatment issue? Please explain. We can provide some help.

[scarlet135]

IT'S A LONG N COMPLICATED STORY N THE BACK OF MY HEAD ACHES. I HAD BEEN IN A CONTROL 4 A LONG TIME SINCE THE LAST VIOLENT OUTBURST N EVERYTHING SEEMED TO BE GETTING BETTER. BUT IT'S ALL CRUSHED AGAIN AND I CAN'T FIND A WAY ANYMORE!!!

[ILADVOCATE]

If these feelings occur at regular intervals you might want to speak to your psychiatrist about it. You could keep a mood tracker here and bring the results to them.

[averagegeek]

I see you're Dx is major depression, and in the last 90 days you've averaged a "horrible" rating. I'm sorry to see you're so unhappy. ILAdvocate is right tho, if you feel this way cyclicly, maybe it has something to do with your monthly hormones. If you have a family doctor, and your psychiatrist hasn't been able to help you thus far, maybe you should schedule a "well woman" exam with the family doctor, and discuss how your moods change during the month, and seem to repeat month after month in the same way. Sometimes a hormonal birth control pill can make all the difference in the regulation of your moods, and it's very often overlooked as a possibility of depression. (PMDD) that is. PreMenstral Dysphoric Disorder. It's worth looking into.

I wish you the best, and if you ever want to blow off steam, look me up before you do anything to hurt yourself. If you're on Yahoo Messenger, send a message to Averagegeek (that's me).

Bye for now. I hope you have at least a little ray of sunshine today to keep you going.

~Averagegeek

[Tainted_Obsession]

I just happend to see your post and wanted to say a little something.

I've been where you are so I know how you feel. Take it one day at a time and focus on the good things in your life like your family and friends, pets, ect. When your depressed and suicidal people (including myself) tend to think about themselves only and not how it can affect the people in your life if you did anything to harm yourself. I know it's not what you want or anyone for that matter wants to hear, but by personal experiance I've learned that checking yourself into a hospital or some other mental place can be a great help. It's not nasty or bad like they sometimes show on tv, it can be kinda scary your first time, but the ppl in there are going through the same kind of stuff you are and the nurses and doctors treat you with respect and care. The only reason I'm recommending this is because I've been there and did this for myself and it helped alot to go and take time for me, it's actually nice to get away for like a week and the groups they have are really helpful.

This is going to sound silly, but chihuahua's are awesome for helping with depression. They're extremly loving and committed dogs. I have two and they're like my furry little children. I love them so much because even when it seems no one cares about you, you will always have their unconditional love and affection.

I hope things get better.. that you'll hear or see something that makes you laugh.. or that something else brightens your day. Your not alone, even though it feels that way. *Hugs*

[Tainted_Obsession]

PS, Another helpful thing is reading. When I was at my darkest time my mom got me these beautiful books from walmart that had poems and stuff in them. These were based on how God sees us and how He cares about us. I know alot of people don't beleive in stuff like that, but if you do, reading those kind of books can greatly help.

[scarlet135]

I have posted questions on BPD & Relationship Forums and people asked me to share my problems. This is one of the major problems of my life, the reason I can't bring close friends at home, I can't bring guest, the reason why I am being called back home 10 min. after I leave...etc.

I live in Asia where people suffer acute financial problems. The treatment of Autistic and Mental Patients are generally costly. I have an autistic bro of 14 and it's like I was born to witness mental patients and their sufferings. My uncle on my mom's side is a Schizophrenic. I used to see him get violent. I used to see my other uncles beat him up not knowing the consequences. When I was 4 my bro was born. It was fun to have him but when he was 2 and a half he was diagnosed with Autism. We didn't know anything about that disease. Later when we learned enough about it, it was too late. We could train him about some basic behaves but he can't talk, he's not properly toilet trained.

My mother developed Paranoia 8 years ago but at that time we did not really notice anything serious. She was suspcious of my father and that caused a lot of controversy in our conservative family. The controversy over-shadowed the disease. 5 years earlier she was diagonised and after a violent outbreak she was hospitalised forcibly. It was a rough night and still scares me.

Now the tremor has somehow started again. The hardest part is, we can't get her to visit psychiatrist. She won't understand. She won't go. i wanna die. I can't find a way out. What do i do??? I read a lot and listening to jazz helps me a lot. But it's the responsibility of my broken family that aches me. I don't want to go on living anymore. Who would I live for? My mother is sick and always scared that she's gonna get killed. Someday she'll kill us herself. My brother who doesn't understand anything, my father who's happy with his sisters and can always create a family again. I have nobody to live for really. If I want to look after my bro I have to sacrifice my life, I won't even be able to make money to feed him anymore!! Sometimes I feel like killing both of them and then die myself. I can't take this anymore!! I want to die.

[CaryChung]

Sometime we have no clue why we have struggle life. I work with Mental Health people more than 4 year. I'm there advocate...i see how to react, feel, being annoy, treated, suffer...but i know one things u have to hold on a Faith, something u NEVER let go and that Faith need to guide u through anything. There will suffer and tough time, but hold on to it. One day u will see a bright light!!!

Storm is always around, but on top of the Storm Sunshine is always here!!!

[Jaquta]

You choose to live for yourself!!  Not your mother or your father or your brother but yourself.
My doctor has told me that I need to take care of myself first -everything else is secondary to that.

If you feel suicidal you should speak to a therapist or a doctor.
I haven't seen your diagnoses but someone mentioned depression.  If you are depressed then things will seem a lot harder and bleaker than they actually are.  And decision making will be extremely hard.
Sort your own issues out first and then deal with the rest later.