i want to help those with bpd.

I have bpd. I will always have it, but I'm better! How? Dbt. I take no meds, and only go to see my therapist every other week. I wish I could explain the drastic change from me before to now. I want to put myself out there to help anyone that suffers from this disorder. Please feel free to message me, I do this on my phone and I will get an email notifying me if the message soon after I receive it, and I can get back to you as soon as possible.

[wandering_child]

I'm very new here. I came because I was just diagnosed after being hospitalized for a suicide attempt and have been ordered to start therapy and going through rounds of testing to see where I'm at and see if they want to give me meds. I'm really scared, and very much in denial that this is me, yet relieved in another way to find an answer. Even though this suicide and resulting ER visit just happened, I almost immediately went back to the self-hate and lashing out at people. I don't know what to do with myself. I can't concentrate on anything else. I can't do my homework. I'm lost in my head, and I can't tell any of my friends, who are all "normal". And I fear their resentment and rejection at me not sharing my thoughts with them so that it got to this point. Anyways, I'm rambling. Thanks for your offer. I'd love any type of advice and affirmation you'd give right now. I'm terrified and sick and guilty and nobody seems to understand (cliche, I know).
Again, thank you so much.

[greyMatta]

Sounds like you've had a rough time but you're still here so try to be strong . . . I'm BPD and I know how you feel, lost and with no one to talk to who really gets it, it's lonely. Go for the therapy, I can't stress how much therapy has helped me, 12 years on-and-off and I've just started DBT that Kendraerika mentions and I am finding it really helpful.

Fight the guilt and shame, I know it's hard to but they keep you in the cycle.

Remember, you have a mental illness, that's more than a little bit **** but you didn't ask for it, these are the cards you've been dealt, people won't understand that easily but apologise when you need to and forgive YOURSELF too and try to move on each time.

But engage with the therapy, it's a life line, take all that anger that you feel for yourself and those around you and put it into your therapeutic process!!

Hope to hear from again soon, good luck with the therapy!!

[wandering_child]

Thanks so much.

I went to my first session today with an on-campus councilor. She helped me make a list of things I should make time for, at least one a day, that I enjoy so that I can keep my overall happiness up. We also made a list of things that help me feel better even in the tiniest of ways when I'm out of control, often things I'm too caught up in my emotions to think about. I dropped a couple classes today so that I'm doing the least possible amount of things that are stressful.

On the side of being "ill" I feel accomplished because these things will supposedly bring me back to a better place.

On the side of "What the ****? That's not me!" I feel horrible, defeated, and ashamed because I might not graduate college when I thought I would. I'll have to explain to people (make up a reason) why I'm only taking 12 credits. I also had to tell my professors I had a "devastating family emergency" that was making it hard to cope and so I had to drop their class.

I'm still avoiding my friends, even though a couple have made attempts to contact me. I want so badly to share with them how I'm feeling but I know that's something I can't do. They won't have any clue, and since a few my better friends are ones I've made recently, I'll scare them off for sure.

My boyfriend (?) has been in the process of slowly trying to break up with me for a while. He's the one who brought me to the ER and was pretty worried about me at first. But over the past few days he has spent increasingly more and more time out of our apartment, not telling me where he's going. Then he tells me I'm paranoid and unfair for being suspicious and thinking that he just wants to get away from me. He says that I'm the reason he has no self-esteem and that the only way he can preserve any is to purposefully act selfish.

I'm trying to see this from his point, but his leaving is such a huge trigger for me that it's hard to even imagine how he could be so insensitive when he knows how awful I can feel about it. I know he has a life, but I don't know how to talk to him about giving me a little more of his time without crying or getting uncontrollably angry. And he's been through it so many times that he's put up this barrier. It's like he doesn't even want to try.

[C_hurtin]

Hi...I was diagnosed last week with bpd and struggling,it's like since being diagnosed with it I feel worse....I feel alone and no one to talk to!I do t speak to family apart from one brother and my partner...iv asked them both to read up on it but they havnt...It hurts that I was diagnosed last wed and they havnt yet been on Facebook or other Internet....maybe I'm just moaning...who knows

[C_hurtin]

Sorry...I mean they have been on fb and on Internet heaps so why can't they read about my problem

[greyMatta]

Hi there. I'm really pleased that you've started therapy, that's great! I hope it's going well?

Try not to worry about your school work and dropping classes, it sounds wise to me, you can always catch up on stuff later right? Take more classes later, right? I flunked school for all sorts of reasons, fear, anxiety, bullying, loneliness and then depression but I picked it up again as a mature student in my twenties when my head was a little calmer and was really successful, there is hope! ;-) Now is the time to invest in YOU, look after yourself, love yourself, do those things for YOU that your councillor talked about, that's essential!

I understand what you're going through with your friends, it's really hard isn't it. Allow yourself to settle in to your diagnosis; unless your behaviour really effects your friends why do they need to know? You're no different now than you were before your diagnosis, right? Just try to put the BPD into the back of your mind when you are with friends.

I also really identify with the difficulty you're having with your boy friend. If you're anything like me you need constant affirmation in intimate relationships otherwise you become insecure and anxious, right? My wife has been through hell and back with me because of my BPD but it's only recently that I've been able to begin to realise this! Until a couple of years ago I was so overwhelmed with my own emotions that I just couldn't see past me to see others and the effect I was having on them. I know it's horrid to accept but we are really hard work!! BUT as I said before, you didn't ask for a mental illness did you!? Accept it though, try really hard to empathise with your boy friend, apologise if necessary and then forgive yourself, fight the guilt and shame as hard as you can!!

Look, I've got to go now, hope this is helpful . . . keep going on the therapy and we'll speak soon . . .

[Janedoe76]

I know how you feel.  When I was diagnosed I asked my mom to read up on it and she didn't.  I guess what I wanted is for her to research and find out what she could do on her end to try to help me.  I'm 35 years old and its been a life of torment.  I was just diagnosed last year.  By her not even looking it up made me feel like she really didn't even care.  Maybe I'm wrong but it just kinda made me feel bad.  If she was diagnosed with something I'd be researching trying to try to figure out what to do to make it better.  What we have to remember though is that even though our loved ones didn't respond how we would have liked them to...they are not all bad...their good out weights theirs a million to one...even when we feel like it don't at times.  Saying that I have to remember I can't always trust my feelings and emotions...I have to stick with what I know is true and that is my mom loves and I'm sure your loved ones love you too.  I hope this helps you sweetie!

[hasan2006]

Hi , I feel  very bad today , yesterday I was in  good mood feeling  like newborn  , I think  my doctor cheats  me she gave me terrible medications I sleep only for 4 hours and need more and more even 10 hours doesn't sufficient ,  I change my medicine many  times I'm  using risperdal , tegretol , chlorpromazine , cymbalta .