late diagnosis ?

I am 37, in a pretty deep depression. Always felt odd and unconfortable, but manged to get though life convincing myself and others that i was happy. I have a master's'degree, have a super good kid, had a beautiful home and a loving husband. Those 2 last one... I lost. I got in trouble and my dr. and shrink suspect BPD. Can one go through life until my age without anyone ever suspecting that ? Whenever i needed help going through a rough time, i seeked help. How come nobody saw that in me before now ?

[Narble]

It's possible for a personality disorder to go unnoticed well into adulthood, though it is unusual. Did your doctor and psychiatrist explain what BPD consists of? If so, do you agree with the diagnosis? There are several other disorders that are similar to BPD, and I've watched medical staff debate which is the best fit. Make sure you understand the nature of BPD and why you are being diagnosed with it. Also find out from them how you managed to get well into adulthood before being diagnosed.

If it helps, I know people with BPD who have earned graduate degrees, been married, and launched successful careers. They've had to work hard to do so, and have had difficulties along the way. But they did accomplish all that.

[Jaquta]

People form their own opinions but may not necessarily articulate them.  Some people don't judge and may just go about taking care of themself and their own life.

I think if you look back over your life now you may recall comments people have made that may highlight some difficulties.

Feeling odd and uncomfortable seem to fit with bpd.  Sometimes we feel or sense things but lack the insight to understand what they really mean to us.

I suspect teachers and doctors may see things but most don't say anything or screen or refer to appropriate services.

It sounds as though you could be a high-functioning borderline which would make it harder to distinguish.  People with bpd can also appear very competent, termed apparent competence, therefore people don't see or get the underlying dysfunction.

I don't think that there's any easy answer.  Having accomplishments in your life will help give it meaning though.

Maybe it was just something that triggered things and underneath all the vulnerability and defenses are the real issues. ??

[liliofthevalley]

All of this makes sense. Thank you for your comments. Could be smthg else though...or nothing at all.
Still waiting for diagnosis, which wont really matter. Meds are the same for many conditions, treatment also.
Concentrating now on controlling my emotional outbursts and exercising. Reading about how to stop feeling and acting like a "victim".
Convinced my Dr. to lower my meds that were turning me into a zombie. Feeling ok. So far so good.

[Jaquta]

The important thing is to treat the symptoms.

Exercising should help you to burn off some energy and help you to regulate your mood.

Often it is not about control but about understanding.  Once you know what the issue is you can work to resolve it or better manage it.

Feeling like a victim is something associated with complex-ptsd too.  Maybe you act like a victim because you are one.  Maybe something to work through so you don't feel, and I guess, act like one.

Sounds like your doctor is working with you to improve the situation.  Taking the lowest dose possible is usually best.  Feeling zonked out on meds sometimes contributes to more negative feelings and can make the depression worse.

Good luck with everything.  Don't overlook the psychotherapy aspect because that is as important as meds.