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needs help :(
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needs help :(

Ok so here it goes im a 22year old female and I have previously been diagnosed with bpd when I was about 18 after I had to visit my cycatrist after a suicide attempt. I have also in the past done alot of self harm and overdoses. I have a very hard time right now dealing with things again but the only reason I seem to stay strong is for my two babies. I feel so insecure about my self and wanna die so bad. I hate myself and feel like a waste of time. I feel like my boyfriend only stays with me for the sake of our 19month old daughter. He doesn't really associate with me or our 5month old son. I love my son so much and have a great bond but somewhat feel he is left out by people. There is so much more but it's a bit hard to say. I have grew up around my depressed mum and alcoholic dad and seem to of took both there traits ( crying in corner for hours and in past have alcohol dependency ) I tend not to drink now as I get out of control. I have been jail to many times. I'm really having a hard time. I feel like my boyfriend is doing everything behind my back left right and center. I wanna go c my cycatrist but I missed my appointment quite some time back and would have to go back on the waiting list which takes ages. And I don't want social services to get involved if they say I'm mentally unstable. Any help or advice much appreciated.
4 Comments Post a Comment
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5082295_tn?1371254511
Im so sorry to hear this. I also was diagnosed with bpd when i was 18 (now 27) and it actully led me to get my degree in psychology. Ive been where you are right now. Not sure if you have both mania and depression or depression. But I have a bit of both. When I was 1st diagnosed I lost most of my friends and my boyfriend at the time was pretty much like yours. I also had stomach problems (severe) so that didnt help with the depression. In the end with my boyfriend we ended it bc I couldnt take on that added stress if he could not be supportive or at least somewhat there for me..just wasnt worth it. I will tell you this..you are worth it & not a waste of time. This is a very hard disorder to live with esp in interpersonal relationships with people who do not fully (& cant they dont have it) understand how much our mind sometimes cause our actions and truly our outlook on everything around us. For me it took a good 2yrs to get my meds right with the psychiatrist, but I then chose one day to say you know what I not letting this take me down. Im gonna rise up and put this crappy disorder to use no matter how hard! So I went to college not even knowing if I would make it. I still have bad days and everyday I have some symptoms come on. But I will say its so easy to get in that rut of just thinking is this really worth living for? Im really on this planet to just live like this? I did that for 4 yrs. But once I committed to going to my doc and staying with the med changes to get the right combination my world came back and I thanked God for helping me see Im was so glad I didnt end my life. Its very hard going through this and also having a child bc you dont have only yourself to take care of but another human being.I Suggest to find another psychatrist fast. One who can see you soon...most of the time if you tell them the ergentcy they will work you in. Even a regular doc can give you some meds and monitor you until you get in with a psych. Dont blaime yourself, blamie this disorder. Its a chemical imbalance your not crazy and if you are insecure bc of this I was too. I was embarrased to share it w anyone thinking they would judge me. But no one would look at some one with diabetes different..its the same thing...a medical condition. I hate your going through this right now bc Ive been there and its a veryyyy hard and bad spot to me in. Stay busy even if its watching TV to take your mind off things..get lost in something (not drugs/drinking) even for a little bit of the day. But remember this above all..it will get better if you make it better..by seeing the doc and getting the motivation in believeing your worth it.. Bc you are! Be blessed and let me know how you are.
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Avatar_f_tn
Call your Psychiatrist and ask to be put on the cancellation list. This way, if anyone cancels their appointment you may be able to get in much sooner.
Can you say who diagnosed you and what kind of tests you were given? BPD can be so hard to diagnose. My daughter just turned 36 and was diagnosed a few months ago after being told for so many years that it was depression and anxiety.
Another question. Does your Psychiatrist know about DBT. It's a special kind of therapy for people that have BPD and is supposed to be the best treatment.
We're here to listen and help anyway we can.
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Avatar_n_tn
Sorry took so long to write back I been moving house. Thanku both for replying I do believe I need medication but the only reason I dont bother is because I'm breastfeeding my son atm. So it's like I'm stuck in a circle. I brought myself a husky dog they take alot of time up and help take my mind of stuff. That way I can get out and walk and comb her and bond it's hard to make friends as I have trust problems so a dog is great. Thats great psychdegree how u done all that it gives me hope to prove there is a silver lining. Although at the min I'm kinda still down and my boyfriend ain't helping all's he does is make me feel worse. I told my mum to get some of this off my chest and it made me feel worse noing how I've caused her more stress / upset! Remar I seen a cycatrist and he didnt really do tests as such he just asked some stuff,  my social worker was there so she kinda helped because I dont exactly tell them much I can't open up,  he then sent out a letter saying I had been diagnosed with bpd. I didnt know I was being assessed tbh. :-/
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Avatar_f_tn
You really need to open up to your Psychiatrist to make sure you get a correct diagnosis.
If you do have BPD meds are not the best choice. Like I mentioned before, DBT is the best kind of therapy and treatment for people that have BPD.
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