possible BPD??

hi everyone. first off i am a 26 yr old female with 2 children under the age of 3. i am married to thier father and it's been a very happy union. however, early in Jan. we both sought treatment for substance abuse. it was voluntarily. we knew we had a huge problem and needed help so we could be better parents to our children. i know the road to recovery is not a straight and narrow one. i haven't struggled to stay clean, but i am struggling with many other emotional issues. I have problems sleeping, thinking (concentrating), my appetite is always one extreme to the other, sometimes i get to emotionally overwhelmed that i'm unable to deal with my life in general. when i was a teenager i did cut myself a lot...usually on my inner thigh where no one would notice. I also loosely attempted suicide when i was about 14 (tried to overdose on an antibiotic)---didn't know very much about pills then. now i'm having trouble coping with every day skills, work, taking care of myself and my children. i keep feeling like the best thing for me to do is to get into my car and just drive. drive where? I don't know. The rational part of me says I cannot do this because it is my job as their mother to love, protect, and care for them and I am doing that. but somedays it just becomes too hard for me to do this. i know i need help. i've been seeing a therapist for over a month now and i still attend NA meetings and I go to church every sunday. nothing is helping. someone please help!

[Jaquta]

I think that what is happening is that you've used either self-harm or drugs to avoid confronting difficult emotions in the past and now that you're not you're having to face these overwhelming emotions.

When people get stressed or anxious they can use maladaptive coping mechanisms, such as drugs, alcohol, food, sex, work, etc.  These help to numb the pain from the underlying issues (which could be anything).

I don't think that you have bpd but you would need to see a psychiatrist for a proper evaluation.

Did you see a psychiatrist prior to withdrawing or detoxing?  

It's possible that some of what you're experiencing now are withdrawal symptoms.  I would talk to a psychiatrist as they may be able to offer you something that will help.  At the least they should have some good advice on how to better deal with what you're experiencing now.

I expect sleep deprivation and exhaustion aren't helping your emotional state.  Looking after two young children is going to be pretty tiring itself without all the other issues.  Are you able to get additional support from friends and family?  Perhaps even a short break could be useful or even a regular time out period during the day where that is time for you.

Are you seeing your T weekly?  Have you shared how you feel with them?  What do they say/ advise?

From my perspective I think that you need to see a psychiatrist and I think that you need time out.  I think that more than anything you're overloaded at this time.

[natashalo8]

thanks for the insight. i'm over the withdrawal stage as i completely detoxed back in January. I don't have urges to use even though I am having extreme emotional issues. I have been diagnosed with depression and i do take meds for that but it doesn't seem to be helping. something else i failed to mention earlier is that my best friend's 12 yr old daughter just committed suicide. We have no idea why---nothing has came to light as to her reasoning and we may never know but I've had an extremely difficult time copping with this.
I do see my therapist weekly and I've also spoken with my M.D about the problems I'm having. At the moment she feels it's related to me overcoming substance abuse but I think it runs much deeper than that. I feel as though my substance abuse problem was manifested from other emotional hurts from my past. I have been considering seeing a psychiatrist just to be sure I am getting correctly dianosed, as I do not want to be diagnosed for one thing getting treatment for that and it turn out that that particular diagnosis was incorrect. I just want to stop it now before it grows into something stronger. Thanks for your input.  

[Jaquta]

You're welcome.  I think that that's a great idea trying to resolve things as early as possible.  I also think that despite psychiatrists best intentions some can still make an incorrect diagnosis.  The important thing in the process is to listen to yourself.

Grief can also affect people quite dramatically.  It would be important to discuss this with your T.  My cousin killed himself in December 2009.  It kind of feels like a roller coaster at times.

Sometimes people never know but sometimes it can be partially worked through as to a likely cause.  What was she saying or doing or not saying and doing?  Were there any behavioural changes?  What was going on at this time?  Maybe it was an accident and something she didn't plan on doing?