why does it hurt so badly to begin recovery?

I made the decision about a half hour ago. No more. No more hurting myself, hurting my fiance. No more impossible demands. Its been a few minutes since I felt the.. heartache of recovery. My chest hurts, like I'm going to panic. All because he said "wanna watch a movie?" I replied "no but you can, I don't mind". It was like he didn't know how to reply, for once I wasn't saying it in a way that made him feel bad. When he walked out of the room I cried. I want to scream. How will I ever recovery if something so simple was so hard?

[andibarton]

It's not easy but it can be done... I hurt my husband in the worst way possible and for some miracle he is staying with me. The miracle was that I agreed to go to therapy and begin dialectical therapy... Before that I was hospitalized for almost 2 weeks and I am eternally grateful for that because I was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder and BPD.... Which was the first step to realize that I'm not evil or crazy I just needed help. Trust me when I say that there is ALWAYS HOPE FOR CHANGE!!! The first few steps are scary because it's unknown territory... keep your head up...

[lilymoon]

You will recover because youre obviously a fighter,because youre trying and will keep doing your best.Youre a hero and youll get there!

[wandering_child]

I really hope this is the hardest part. I was just diagnosed and have been almost worse than before just because it's so hard to cope with the actual label and the process of trying to figure out what to do now and figure out if I'm really capable of doing it.