my mom

My mom has stage 4 lobular breast cancer. Decided not to treat, what happens now?

[mamaboulet]

How old is your mother? Is she in good health otherwise? Why has she decided not to treat? Many women live for years after stage 4 cancer diagnosis if they receive treatment to stablize the cancer and stop the spread.

[Mel113]

Thank you for your message! Well, my mom is 51. She was not in stage 4 when she found out, I think it was almost 1yr ago. She is not in good health and has decided not to treat because of being in the hospital all of the time with diff. heart surgeries. I guess I just was wondering what to expect, like will she need someone to care for her? THANX

[mamaboulet]

At some point she is going to need someone to care for her. Pallative care is essentially keeping the person as comfortable as possible as the disease progresses. With no treatment and with heart problems, it is not possible for an outsider to guess what she might need when. She is so young to give up. She is younger than me, and my mother is still alive and a 25 year breast cancer survivor.
You should probably look into hospice care connections and other help you will eventually need when the disease progresses. Have you had a conversation with her about a living will, about how she wants to be cared for when she can no longer care for herself?
Have her doctors given her all the options for treatment that don't beat up on her heart? I know certain chemo treatments can damage the heart, but surely there is something out there that can help.
I'm sorry. I just hate to see somebody give up at such a young age. I feel for you and your mother.

[Mel113]

Thank you so much, I am so sad. My mother and I have always had problems. She was 16yrs. old when she gave birth to me, among everything else she is an addict. I live in a diff. state than her, I tried to force her to come to my home, I gave up. Alot of times we don't know where she is. She has talked on the phone with me more lately. Thank you tremendously for your advice about a living will and her care for when she can no longer do it. I hate to ask you this but I was wondering if you would be able to tell me what things to expect for the progression of the disease. I didn't want her to give up either. But in a way, I think she already did long ago.    Sincerely, Mellanie

[mamaboulet]

I haven't had to go through watching someone I love progress through the disease, so I'm not really sure what is going to happen. I know it can be painful, especially if it gets in the bones, so pain treatment will be necessary at some point. If it affects her lungs she may begin to have trouble breathing and might need to be put on oxygen.
If you have any kind of breast health organization, hospice organization, etc, in your area, they probably have a much better idea about what your mother is facing and may be able to provide you with help dealing. Does she have any kind of a plan for when she cannot take care of herself anymore? You said you live in a different state. Does she have anybody living with her who can care for her?

[ricki247]

Is your mother very aged? I've met two different women living stage IV - one woman 15 years and the other 20 years. The first woman has had breast cancer in her bones and liver since 1984. She was diagnosed with stage I in 1980 and went to stage IV in 1984, discovered on a routine yearly scan. The other woman, didn't start out with breast cancer, started out in the liver, went to the lungs, then got breast cancer. Both of these women are older, one in early 70's and the other in early 80's. And the most remarkable thing about both these women is they both look extremely healthy! The point I'm trying to make is your mother should seek treatment. She may live a quality life for many, many years. God Bless. Ricki247