Nervous for my Sister in Law

[bil305]

My Sister in Law had a double Mastectomy with reconstruction.. while doing the surgery they found a lump which they removed. The word invasive was used.. but I do not know much else.. my question to any others out there.. she was intially diagnosed with DCIS ... I read trying to figure out if she will be okay.. I am simply really scared for her, and our family. She is 44 yrs old.. my questions are.. how was the new lump not seen earlier and is the word invasive a death sentence? also, is reconstruction even left on the table if they feel its too invasive..wouldn't select to take more out to get all the cells??? I am not sure if these questions are making too much sense, but like my writing.. this is how I am feeling.. anxiety ridden and nervous. Lastly.. it took like 2months before she got the surgery.. if the inital scans were really bad would they have waited so long? The family doesn't like me asking ..so I am asking this community for any answers from experiences they may have dealt with. God Bless.
BIL

[katarina777]

You are right SueYoung55, as this happened to me.
At this point a question about prognosis would not bother me any longer but in the beginning, I did not know anything, and the knowing and learning is a gradual process that happens.
So, bil305, you need to be aware of this. it's much less a matter of withholding than it is of not knowing, and this goes for the doctors as well. They can tell you about details from what they have discovered by that moment. They can tell you what research suggests, and they can tell you what they will recommend as treatment for the time being, but that is it.

Nobody not only not knows how many years your sister in law has to live, but nobody knows even how she will be, or what her status is even 6 weeks from today.

Neither she, not the doctors know how she will respond to chemotherapy. it may work great and have few side effects, or it will make her so sick that she has to stop immediately, or it may not work at all, and then she will be switched to something else.

Her cancer may come back and spread in 6 months, or in 6 years, or never. now, the cancer spreading at some point is a greater possibility with 'invasive cancer' than with 'DCIS', but even that is not definite.

Again, my point is that your sister in law doesn't know much herself.

But to get back to myself, I was undergoing chemotherapy, even before surgery, and had only been diagnosed with cancer, and which at the time of surgery was discovered to be much worse than initially thought , maybe 3 weeks before, when I went to a family dinner my aunt did. she lived about two hours away, and her children were also there, but In had not seen them since they were kids and now college age.

One of the kids walks into the kitchen, gives me a hug and asks how it's going. Then he says that he heard I have some kind of cancer, (all this in a totally dry, matter of fact manner) and if I minded him asking me just how long was  until I died, like a couple of months, or up to a year, or what?  (and other people were standing around in the kitchen whom I had also not spoken to)

The cousin who asked this acted like he was totally cool, and comfortable, and undisturbed.

[SueYoung55]

The double mastectomy would have removed almost all of her breast tissue thereby reducing her risk for a recurrence. Reconstruction wouldn't be an issue either way since she had bilateral mastectomies. There is no way to get 100% of breast tissue.

Invasive means cancer where DCIS is not cancer.

I'm not sure why they're being so secretive but if you want to know more simply ask your sister in law yourself. She will let you know what she wants you to know. Asking the rest of the family just doesn't work.

And whatever you do, don't ask her what her prognosis is because that'll scare her silly :)

Best wishes.