Post surgery counseling

Hello-
I recently (9 wks) had a mastectomy for DCIS.  Physically I'm healing on schedule.  Shortly after surgery my surgeon offered, as she does for all her patients, a referral for counseling, and I declined.  I believe I am gradually adjusting to the reality of my mutilation. But now I'm beginning to think I shoud reconsider.
  The anesthesiologist, against my expressed desires gave me Versed(Midazolam) immediately upon entering the OR.  This, of course has left me with amnesia about everything that ocurred from the moment of injection until later in the PACU.  While some may view this as a desirable situation, I do not.  Since I was still awake for a time after the administration of the Versed until Induction of GA, during the Pre-op set up, attaching of monitors, etc., this "hole" in my memory has been driving me to distraction. I think that because I was robbed of my recollection of the real events that happened in this short time period, my brain is substituting a made up version which is far worse than anything which might have actually happened.
  I'm now suffering from intense nightmares every night.  During the day, I constantly relive the surgery, especially those missing moments of which I now have scattered "snapshot memories with no cohesive coherency. I can't seem to focus on anything, including my job, and I've been making some frightening mistakes while driving.
   I'm beginning to think I may not be able to handle this on  my own, but if I were to seek counseling, what kind of professional would I be looking for? I find myself steering away from looking for answers from the Medical profession - it feels like they are the enemy right now.  Is it possible to recover your memory of events during Versed induced amnesia, possibly by hypnosis?
  I'd be appreciative of any input or advice.  Many thanks.
PG

[CCF-RN,MSN-rf]

Dear PG:

I am not aware of a way to reverse the amnesic effects of Versed.   In the long run, I think counseling may be of greater benefit to you.  You might start with asking your surgeon about the person she usually recommends.  Perhaps it is a person who is very familiar with situations like yours.  A qualified counselor may be able to help by describing the events that do occur between the Versed and general anesthesia and help to replace your created

[serialmom12]

A related discussion, Versed was started.

[gail7777]

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