Where have I been?!

Hi all,

I'm re-posting a response to Katarina777 as a message to all of you.  I appreciate all you've written and am truly thankful for your concern for the group's cohesion and, personally, for my well-being.  In all honesty, I'm having a hell of a time emotionally.  I'm typically a pretty stable person.  Rounding the bend to almost a year of constant breast cancer treatment, I'm tired.  And I'm getting to a predictable stage of treatment  -- the end, and all of the anxieties that come with that.  I don't have a job to go back to and I'm not sure that if it were still available I could.  It involved assisting with diagnostics of voice disorders, including head and neck cancer, and treating and counseling such patients.  I stopped into my "old" work yesterday and couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face as I realized an entire year of my life has passed and life outside of breast cancer has gone on.  Furthermore, I knew that as I was visiting there, I won't be able to go back (for several reasons - but mostly it doesn't "fit" anymore).  This, combined with Christmas coming up in a week and lacking the physical or emotional strength to "pull it off" as I would of before bc, is discouraging. Especially because I have two teenagers for whom I'd love to make the holiday special -- they've had a "breast cancer year" along with me.  In addition, my very wealthy ex-husband is persisting in going to trial to try to block increasing child support that hasn't been increased since 1997, even though it's clear my income (which at this point is $0) cannot compare to his ability to contribute to his children's well-being.  

This information may be so much more than anyone wants to know.  Or, it may be helpful to anyone else that is struggling with this d$%@m disease and feeling at wit's end.  I think one of the biggest things about bc is that it is a lonely disease.  No matter how many people you have around you, how many people you e-mail with at the end of the day you are alone with your thoughts, fears, and anxieties.  

My wish is for the Breast Cancer Community to be a place where anyone can come and find relief, information and a shoulder to lean on.  I can certainly set the tone.  From there, it is my hope that members rise to the occasion and help each other here with their own stories of sadness, fear, anxiety and most of all hope.  I believe it is through our truths that we bond and become a closer community.  

I wish all of you the best and I will make every effort to be here as much as I can.  And when I can't, and you don't see me around, drop me a note or private message.  It may be that I need someone to reach out to me.  I'm just like all the rest of you.

Warm regards,

Chris
Healingwell62
Breast Cancer Community Leader

[katarina777]

Thank you very much, Chris, for your intimate and open and generous response. That was exactly what I needed and wanted to hear about. That 'stuff' was what I had missed , and not only from you but from all. The human stuff.

That really ***** with those long drives. I am sorry you bare feeling so badly. It will get some worse these next two weeks before it gets better but you can do it.

And then, after you finish treatment, it's not the easiest time either for most of us. It is common, and was with me, to feel a combination of both very stressed and vulnerable.

But together, we'll make it through. Write and talk any time you need to and want to here. It's good for all of us to talk about other than just 'procedures';  it's so important, and not the least bit boring. i'll do the same and hope others will as well.

Many Hugs,

KAT

[healingwell62]

Hi all!  I've heard from a few people in our community that they are missing the "heart" of our community -- the sharing of experiences, feelings, ups and downs.  Breast Cancer is already such a lonely disease.  Let's reach out to one another.  Let's respond to new folks coming here looking for a soft place to fall.  Let's offer some warmth and reassurance to each other, ok?

Thanks, everyone.

Chris
Healingwell62
Breast Cancer Community Leader