my mum has cancer

[yushmee1]

i just got to know that my mum has breast cancer. At what stage of cancer do we do chemotherapy and radiotherapy? im damn worried...

[twinkle2000]

hi there, am really sorry you are having to go through this. I have stage 2 breast cancer and am currently going through chemo. I also have 3 kids and am very aware of how my diagnosis impacts on their lives, and am trying to keep things as normal as possible for them. They are younger than you at 14, 10 and 3, and so far they seem to be coping pretty well.
You really do need to take care of yourself, i had depression in the past and as someone has already said, it is such a treatable disease but you need to ask for help, please take my advice and the advice of others here and go and see your doctor, it might also be worth having some counselling to help you deal with everything you have going on in your life right now. Try not to feel too bad about shouting at your mum, i'm sure she understands that you are finding things hard.
Take care and feel free to pm me

Twinkle x

[yushmee1]

Hi specialmom. Thanks yeah. i think i'll go and see a doc. You are absolutely right that i should take care of my own health when dealing with others. Im very much down these days. i really dnt want to talk to my anyone.i no longer reply to txt msgs and i dnt really feel like answering phone calls..recently when i was getting back home from uni..i got off the bus ..i was walking in the middle of the road without realising that. sometimes i  really dnt find anything good..i feel irritated and anxious..one day i was so tensed that i shouted at my mum..later when i cooled down then i realised that i should not have done this..i cried a lot after doing that becoz my mum is suffering.i felt very guilty that day..im very down. nothing seems good..sometimes i feel like crying loudly and hear my cries.i have the tendency to retreat myself in my own world. i realy dnt knw wats happening to me sometimes. this is very hard. Thanks specialmom

[yushmee1]

Hi. thanks loads for your advice. actually my mum is already doing chemotherapy. She'll be undergoing an operation soon. that lump in her breast will be removed. as far as i knw it's stage 2. this is very hard for me and my family too. actually i won't be able to take a semester off.. my dad won't let me. he's investing so much in my studies..he has worked very hard to get me a laptop. we have been undergoing a financial crisis so far and he expects a lot from me. i mean both my mom n dad are expecting that as soon as i finish my studies i get a job,earn money and help for the expenses at home.that's really nice from your part. im really showing sympathy for your mom. it seems like u've undergone a lot. it's nice to hear that u've been brave and thanks for sharing that spirit. i really pray that no one faces such circumstances in life coz it's damn hard. I know the pain when u dnt have your mum by your side. Thanks loads dr. May God bless u all

[specialmom]

Hi sweetie,  so sorry to hear about your mom.  That is hard hard stuff to deal with.  You will certainly have a lot of emotions as she battles her cancer.

Your second post does sound like depression.  Clinical depression must fit certain criteria to be diagnosed.  YOu list things that would be symptoms and if you suffer them for two weeks or longer, it is important that you talk to someone to deal with it.  Depression is very treatable.  Start with your primary care physician and go from there.  Often a combination of talk therapy and medication works best for depression.  

It is very important to take care of your own health when dealing with the health crisis of another.  Often it is neglected but shouldn't be.  Your emotions may go up and down but if it is true depression, that is different.  Her illness may have triggered the depression but once there must be dealt with.  Your mom will want you to address it, I'm sure.

Hang in there.  They know so much these days to help women with breast cancer.  May both you and your mother have health and peace.  good luck

[AHP84]

Hey there. I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. I can relate--my mom has battled cancer (colon) twice, and we'll be finding out next week if she's going to be going through it a third time. Trust me, I know exactly how you must feel about that.
As for the stage of cancer needing chemo and/or radiation--that is really up to the oncologist to decide. There are four stages of cancer--sometimes stage 1 will get chemo and radiation, and other times a surgical removal of the tumor is all it takes. Do you know what stage of cancer your mom has? If it's stage 2 or above, she'll probably start chemo and radiation within the month.
The first time my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I was beginning my sophomore year of college. At the same time she was going through sugical recovery to her colon, our family was going through a very bitter, nasty divorce with my now ex-stepdad. I also had a boyfriend at the time who was not the most empathetic or understanding person; I could never count on him being there for me. More often than not, he'd disappear somewhere and I wouldn't hear from him for weeks.
I felt very overwhelmed with the distress of what my mom was going through, the divorce, keeping up with my studies, helping around the farm (my mom raised sheep and we had a couple of horses, and five dogs), trying to work a part time job as a dog groomer, and helping care for my then six-year-old sister. I was a mess--needless to say, I basically failed that semester of college.
Knowing the next semester would be just as difficult considering the divorce wasn't finalized and my mom, sister and I were arranging to move halfway across the country, I took the semester off and just concentrated on my grooming job to help pay a few bills and being there to help my mom with the farm stuff while she recovered and arranged the move. It was the best decision I could have made. By the time I went back to school the following semester, my mom was fully recovered and we'd made the move and settled into our new home.
So what I'm trying to say is that the months ahead of you are going to be rough. I wish I didn't have to tell you that, but it's true. I've been through this twice with my mom, and each time, she really needed me (and whoever else could lend a hand as a friend or family member). Surgery and chemo take a lot out of a person and make them so weak and frail in their immunity. It's horrible and I wish no one had to go through that misery, whether they be the cancer patient or the friends and family of the cancer patient. It's not easy on anybody.
I'd recommend, if possible, to just take a semester off. Try to do what you can to keep your life as simple as possible, because you'll probably need all your energy and concentration to go into keeping yourself halfway content while you help care for your mom. She's really going to need you through this time--and it doesn't last forever.
I was back on track with school after taking only one semester off, and it really was no big deal as far as graduation or my life's schedule was concerned. Taking the semester off enabled me to maintain a good GPA and go back well rested and ready for a fresh start.
Try not to put too much on yourself right now. Don't make so many demands and expectations of yourself through this time that you have no way to cope. During this time, try to at least stay involved in something that you enjoy, but won't really effect your life if you can't dedicate yourself to it 100% all the time. But do find something as an outlet that you enjoy, so you can make friends and keep some level of sanity.
I hope this all works out for you and your mom pulls through this. Try to take it easy on yourself, okay?

[yushmee1]

Im very much depressed these days...i can't concentrate in my studies! i sleep too much or sometimes i cnt sleep at all. i had lots of probs at uni wiz friends and no one talks to me. this realy put me down. at home also nothing is going on well...my mum has cancer. i have to keep up with  my studies and take all the responsibilities at home. it's very hard when ur own people are not there to support u as they are suffering themselves. however this is my last year at uni i have to concentrate much more but i feel like im giving up. i have been left alone...it damn hurts. my bf also left me for someone else....i really feel rejected and unwanted...