Desperately need your advice. I am at a loss.

Ryder is now 4 weeks old and is doing great.  He is over 6lbs after a birthweight of 4lbs 14oz, and is healthy and happy.  I, however, am having a challenge.  He is pretty much a full time cluster feeder.  He eats on average every hour to hour 1/2, and goes through phases lasting 2-3 days where he wants to eat every 1/2 hour, 40 min. max.  He is in one of those phases again right now, and I literally have not slept more then 2 or 3 hours in the last 3 days.  My husband would happily take feedings so I can sleep, but he is eating so often I can't get anything pumped.  I have met with the public health nurse, and my supply is excellent.  She doesn't think there is an imbalance between for and hind milk because 90% of his bowel movements are orangy.  Apparantly when they are getting to much for milk, that causes the greenish stools I see every now and then.  He is getting enough because he has more then his share of urine soaked and poopy diapers.  She has pretty much ruled out acid reflux as he hardly ever spits up and does not seem in any pain.  He actually hardly ever cries, only when he wants to eat.  I don't know what to do.  I love this little boy more then life itself, but also recognize if I can't get a bit of sleep once in a while I cannot be the best mother I can be to him.  A friend recommended doing the odd night time feed by formula.  Apparantly this will help them sleep for 3 hour stretches as it is heavier.  I hate the idea....I want to do what's best of him, and I know that is breastmilk exclusively.  I feel like I am caught in a really tough situation.  Please don't take this as complaining....I am prepared to do what I need for his health and well being, but how can I take proper care of him with literally no sleep for day's on end.  Any ideas, suggestions, etc. are gratefully accepted.  I will try the formula for one or two night feedings if I have to, but it makes me feel like I am drugging him to sleep or something.  I know this will eventually pass, but what do I do in the meantime?  Thanks so much for any advice.

[30something13]

I had preterm smaller babies and they eat more often! I would not suppliment formulas at all or you might end up with digestive problems or he will not want to nurse. He will start ftting better! When he eats more he is just going through a growth phase and it is normal! Aslo him eating every 1 1/2 hours is fine! He is still small and as he gets biger he will spread out some more. My second feed every 1 1/2 -2 hours during the day and every hour at night till age 9 months but she just ate and went abck to sleep. I understand that you are tired but you might try having DH bring him already changed and redy to eat a few hours in the evening and throughout the night then him burp him and put him in bed and you just go to sleep. I never had this option being a single(well divorcing) mom. Breast feed babies eat more often then formula feed babies! THa is fact and the smaller they are the more they often they eat. I was told by the NICU to not let mine go even three hours at night when they are born early or smaller! I would not try to hold him off either as babies just do not understand why they don't get to eat. Of course I am sure you know that but I know plenty who have not BF tell mothers to do this very thing and it is far from whta you need to do. Have DH do the cleaning and cooking and stuff and sleep when the baby sleeps. Like you said it will pass and everything will start to get better with sleep. I remember the plenty of neck cramps I would get sitting in my chair feeding and falling asleep:)

I know it is hard but really you will be disappointed of yourself if you suppliment! Are you timing feeding on each side?? I was told that orange poo is from the formilk and that the mustard is what you wnat and that is from hind milk. I had to ffed one side per feeding becasue I had too much milk. I have never heard of the green poo! I was told that was from being sick and not good. Mine never had that. I would just keep doing what you are doing. I know that is not much relief for you but that is how motherhood goes sometimes.

[mum2beagain]

I promise you two more weeks and it will get easier. I promise!
You could try feeding one side only, for three hours at a time. I did this with my second and it worked really well.
I'd start the day with one boob (say the right) and only feed from that side for the next 3 hours whether he fed once, twice, three four times in that three hours. Then I'd swap and only feed from the left for the next three hours. (I used a safety pin on my bra strap to remind me which side I was on!) It really helped baby draw out the really rich hunger satisfying hind milk, I saw a difference in the cluster feeds settling down in just a couple of days doing it this way. It also really helped balance out the fore/hind milk my son got. (He was having a few greenish diapers and with this method they were all mustard yellow in a couple of days).
Another thing I would do if you can and have the help is to just stay in bed for a day or two just nursing and sleeping. Get your DH, Mom, whoever to bring you meals, snacks and drinks and only get up to go to the bathroom and shower, it's great to get some rest, is good for your milk supply and is a great way to bond with your baby.

[lynda544]

Hi adgal! I would reccomend purchasing The Nursing Mother's Companion by Kathleen Higgins. I found this book to be so helpful with both of my breast fed babies. I agree with 30something13, preterm baby just growing!   Also in my book it says that somewhere between two to three weeks and again at six weeks, babies nurse all the time to  stimulate increased milk production due to growth spurts. This time shall pass! Congratulations and try to get a copy of this wonderful book.

[thisbabygrama2one]

aww, bless your heart adgal.  sounds like your getting good advice and im not 'up' on this stuff (though did breast feed only as well) so have no advice but to find anyways you can to get that rest.  Makes your outook stay healthy.  Lack of rest takes it's toll so make sure you do whats right for *you* as well.  Your a good mommy, and my advice is to trust your own instincts once you get advice and no guilt.  Your going to do whats right no doubt :-)...  

[tiredbuthappy]

i strongly encourage you to ignore those who suggest giving formula. So many moms on here have reported that they tried it and it did nothing to help their babies sleep longer.
I also wondered what that does long term in the amount a baby takes in a feed. When my first was transitioning from bm to formula at 8 months, she suddenly started to take much bigger feeds of both bm and formula. I realized that it was because they eat much bigger formula feeds, and her tummy was getting used to having the greater volume in it from the formula feeds that she was taking more bm than she would've needed.

Mum had great advice. I ended up having to do block feeding, or nursing only 1 side at a time, when dd was overwhelmed by my supply. It ended up helping me a lot, because it got us onto a system of feeding only 1 side at a time. When she wasn't cluster feeding, this meant I could pump the other side and save it for a bottle feed or to freeze. It also meant that when she hit the next growth spurt or was extra hungry for a feed, I always had a full boob to offer after she drained the first if she needed it. My little one was unable/unwilling to work for milk, so it was very helpful to have a full boob ready in case of emergency.

Have you tried nursing while laying down? I could never do it because of problems (tongue-tie), but many on here describe sleeping while their little one nursed.

At this age, you really shouldn't worry about what kind of mommy you're being. You are doing the one and only job you have- to feed him- and you are doing it well! Forget the house, forget the cleaning. If he dozes, you should too. Like the others said, it WILL end SOON. And somehow, you CAN function on so little sleep.

Also, like the others said, you have to remember that he's still tiny. He's still smaller than many newborns, so you can expect him to NEED to eat non-stop. My first was born 4 lbs 13 oz, and ate so frequently the first few months. i promise that in a few weeks, when you see his wonderful little rolls, you will feel so accomplished and proud of what you have done.

.

[adgal]

Thanks everyone. I am feeling better tonight.  I think when I wrote that post I was feeling almost crazy for a bit.  

The every 1 1/2 hours to 2 hours is not a problem.  I have adjusted to that and we get through it just fine.  I find I can fall asleep now immediately after feeding, so I get that full time between feedings for sleep.  I also am not even remotely worried about keeping up with housework or anything...DH is awesome about helping out, making all our meals etc.  I am really lucky that way.

My problem arises when its a day like today and it's day 3 of him feeding literally constantly.  He can't be getting much sleep either.  When I say 2-3 hours sleep, I don't mean per night, I am talking about in total for the last few days.  This morning I did something I feel ashamed of...I put him in his basinette and closed the bedroom door for a few minutes.  I have never ever ignored him when he cried before and of course that just made me feel 100 times worse. It goes against all of my instincts and belief system, but I had to for just a few minutes.  I really felt like I was going crazy.  That is when I called the Public Health Nurse and also my DH.  I told him he needed to come home.  I spent quite a bit of time with the nurse.  I have been block feeding, but based on his stool, she does not think this is a for milk/hind milk thing.  It's either another growing spurt, or something he just does.  I guess some babies just eat this way.

I think the worst part is feeling like such a failure.  I feel horrible for even considering formula at night on occasion. I feel horrible for complaining about the lack of sleep these last few days. I wanted this baby more then anything else in the world ,and nothing is more important to me then his well being.  I really want to act in his best interest, not my own.  I guess it was just one of those days and I am hoping it's better tonight.  If he would just stick to 2 hours, we would do great!!

Thanks for all the input.  Your support and reassurance helped a lot and I appreciate it.  

[pertykitty]

i can relate, i really feel how tired you are.  addy was born 5 weeks early.  she too fed almost constantly at times and i cried thinking how i will ever function with little sleep.  well im still here! you will too, its just so hard to have this new bundle to adjust to, being sleep deprived, and feeling like you have not a minute to yourself.  dont feel guilty for anything you have felt, its very normal.

i agree with not giving formula, it most likely wont help him sleep.  the first month or even two is the hardest with the sleep issue.  i guess this is why moms hired wet nurses years ago lol.  

remember you are not a failure, dont even think that way.  you are being a wonderful mom who just needs a bit of sleep.  i can tell you from experience that if you give in and give that bottle of formula, you will feel horrible guilt. well i did.  i gave (well tried she refused bottles never took one lol) her a bottle of formula.  i wanted to just sleep, dh was on cruise and i had to get up to get my son to school.  i had a can that was sent to me (boy they sure can get you there!).  after i did that, i cried.  i felt just horrible for going against what i felt was right for my addy.

go day by day.  dont look at the next week or month.  all of a sudden he will nap a bit longer and you will too!  we all have those days, i had mine tonight as well lol.   im typing with stupid puffy burning eyes lol.  keep up the good job!!!

[tiredbuthappy]

you've got me feeling a little weepy because I still recall all of those overwhelmed feelings quite vividly. At least you recognized you were overwhelmed and made some calls!
I know it feels like you can't do it- survive on so little sleep. I honestly do and I know those feelings are very real. I still would pay so much for a night of uninterrupted sleep! Funny thing is, my kids are old enough where I technically could pay for a night of uninterrupted sleep (babysitter) or even have a family member do it for free. But for some reason I don't.

Anyways, I am not sure I understand why you can't pump an occasional bottle if you are only feeding one side. That was what saved me, and at 4 weeks, it may be safe to try a bottle occasionally (have DH be the one to give it and use slow flow nipple). When DH would give a bottle, I would nurse, go to sleep, and wake up 3 or 4 hours later when DH brought her to nurse again. In between, she would take one bottle. Do you know how WONDERFUL 3-4 hours of uninterrupted sleep felt? I swear I felt energized enough to run a marathon. It renewed my energy and my spirits. it made me feel like I could do this after all. This was especially helpful when the colic set it (you want stress- try going through all of this with a colicky infant and a toddler!!!)

As for the guilt, remember that you not only have severe sleep deprevation working against you, but also some crazy hormonal things going on still. cut yourself some slack! Also, have you tried wearing him? I know somedays DD would sleep longer stretches in the day if I was holding her. So, for some "me" time, I would let her sleep on my chest. While I couldn't do much that way other than watch TV or dose, it gave me time to breathe. Wearing her was similar- I could move around the house and get stuff done and she would sleep longer stretches during the day that way.

[mum2beagain]

adagl,
You are a amazing mom; nuff said!

[adgal]

Thanks again.  Last night was better.  I think the little guy actually wore himself out.  I looked it up on line and it said often after cluster feeding for a few days, they will sleep more.  

The reason I was having trouble pumping was mainly time. This round of cluster feeding was even more "intense" then the last time he did this. It was literally feed for 5 or 10 minutes, fall asleep on the breast, I would put him in his basinette and a few minutes later he was crying to eat again!   This would go on for hours and hours.  Honestly, no exagerration.  It was crazy. I can't figure out where the little guy was putting it. I was googling things like Overeating, wondering if he has some obscure disease where he couldn't tell he had had enough food.  

He does sleep better on my or DH's chest.  During the day, that is more often then not where he is napping.  We prefer to hold him all the time anyway...(I wish I could bottle and sell new baby smell...I would be a millioinaire..lol) as he is a big cuddler and so are we.  So perhaps this also had something to do with going to his own basinette to sleep?  I don't know.  I do know last night was more normal. He was eating about every 2 1/2 hours and that seems very easy in comparision.

Thanks again for the advice.  It's good to know there is somewhere to turn to...I really felt like I was at the end of my rope yesterday.  I just love this little guy more then I can ever express and I truly do want to do the right thing for him.  

[Super_sally888]

Have you tried putting him in a sling.  Dress so he can just drink when he wants, without much effort. He may sleep better and longer, giving you a break.

What about sleeping with baby.  I swear that really helped me.  If you ask me how many times I woke up during the night to feed baby I couldn't tell you.  I knew I did, but did it without counting and went back to sleep after.

[adgal]

I do have a sling.  I use it quite a bit during the day if I am trying to get things done that require the use of my hands..lol.  I have not yet mastered nursing with it, although I am working on it.  It seems it takes a bit of practice.  As for co-sleeping, I am just not comfortable with it. I know many do it successfully, but I don't think it's for me.  I am too afraid of smothering/rolling over on him.  He does sleep in a basinette right next to my bed and will until he is at least 6 months (perhaps longer, we'll see), but not in bed with me.  There has been more then one occasion where I have fallen asleep while nursing and I wake up horrified.  It's never for long as I always make sure I am sitting up while nursing, so when I do drift off I don't tend to stay asleep, but something could happen so quickly.  I admire those of you that can do it, but not a good option for me.  Thanks though, I appreciate the advice.

We've had 2 better nights in a row now, so the growth spurt seems to have ended for now.  I feel much better and am a bit embarrased by my whiny behaviour.  I am going to try to pump a good stock for the freezer so DH can help out more, especially during the next growth spurt!  Thanks again everyone.

[pertykitty]

you are not being whiny!! you are entitled to a few im tires posts ;)

have you tried a pacifier?  my son used me as a paci, he would never take one, but maybe it will help him right after he nurses?  i dont know, i wish i did!  

i never could nurse in my sling.  addy was like ryder in size and well my boobs were twice the size of her little head lol.  

he just loves his mama so much!!! cant get enough of her.  

[prevatt77]

Been there done that and I can remember how hard it was with getting no sleep.  Just remember you're doing an awesome job, try your best to hang in there, you will so glad you did.  For him being so tiny and now growing like a weed off that awesome mommy milk, he just can't get enough of it.  Just remember, he is getting all he needs from the breast in the first 5-10 minutes, so him being on there for 40 minutes I would say he just wants to suck.

I would always pump as soon as Gavin got done eating off my breast to build up a supply so Ray could help feed him, that always worked best for me.  You will be able to decide what works best for you and little Ryder man.  

I have to tell you this...the same thing I told you when you were trying to conceive your little man - don't give up, things will get better.  Remember those good ole words of encouragment?

Love Ya,
Debbie