Does Anyone Hate BF?

Is there anyone on this forum who really doesn't like breastfeeding but does it anyway for the sake of the baby?

I am really struggling with this as I prepare for my third baby.  I tried to BF my first two and they were both horrible, painful experiences, though I made it almost 5 months with my 1st and 6 weeks with my 2nd (including pumping).  I had plenty of help from lactation consultants and other family members, but it was still just awful and I get teary and overwhelmed when I think about having to go through it all again.  

On the other hand, I know breast is best and I'm afraid I will regret it if I don't at least try it one last time.

I'm also afraid I wil resent my husband for his encouragement to BF (money and nutrition are definitely pros).  I get c-sections, so I'm already recovering from a painful surgery, and then to add the poor boobs in the mix...

I change my mind EVERY single day about this--I'm due in Oct.  Help!

[tahariel]

It's nice you had plenty of help before. I'm surprised the lactaction consultants weren't able to help you make bfing a good experience. Give it a try with your new baby. Every baby is different and this might be the one that works out.

I'm sorry you had such a challenging experience before. I've had three c-sections with my babies because of their size and I've been able to bf with only minor challenges (latch, position holds, etc.) However, I really do not like having to pump 2-3 times a day, but I'm a working mom who really does not want my baby on formula, so I just try to make the best of it and remind myself that this is best for baby. One year of the best nutrition to help them have the best start for the rest of their lifetime.

Do what's best for you and your baby. No sense fretting about it. Try to relax and give it another try. Stay positive and use the lactaction consultants again and hopefully this time will go great!

[mum2beagain]

I'd just say take each day at a time.

My first never nursed so I pumped for about 8 weeks and then switched to formula. With my second the first six weeks or so were pretty hard but I tried to take it a day at a time, after about 6 weeks it was second nature and he nursed until 10 months.

Don't set yourself any long term goals, say you will try your best, accept help and encouragement from others, you may be surprised, it could be a positive experience this time.

Good luck!

[mlb1234]

I agree just take it one day at a time.  When I started this I had no idea how long it would go - 1 day??  Maybe a couple weeks??  A few months if lucky??  Well dd is 7 months now and we are still bfing (I also had a c-section but recovered easily from that).  

I have to say I have had many days where I was so tired I wanted to quit (dd does not take a bottle so it is all up to me) but we just keep plugging along.  Now I can honestly say I think it is the thing I am happiest about...that I am so glad I tried.  I love holding her and looking at her and the closeness.  After they are a little bigger (3-4 months) it just gets sooooo much easier...much easier than bottles too (no mess, no dirty dishes, no running to the store to buy more formula, etc.)!!  I love that I never have to remember to bring anything other than myself!!  I am not a fan of the pumping - that is a still drag but I still do it for the cereal, etc.

I would definitely try it - because this one may have a great latch and make it very easy for you.  But try not to have any expectations and go with how you feel.  Also try to relax - your anxiety about the past experiences are probably putting negative thoughts in your head about it.  This is a new baby and it may be a totally different experience than before!  I think the things that helped me the best were 1.) nursing on demand (and not charting and timing everything which is too much work) and 2.) Learning just to relax and not get stressed about it - baby will not starve if one session does not go well.  Oh and 3.) Learning to nurse while lying down on my side --- this has saved me and allowed me to get some extra sleep!!  Best of luck!!

[Tennesseegirl]

personally? I dont understand why any mother wouldnt bf.IF able..just for the health of the baby. bfing has way more pros ??? ugh I cant think of many cons at all.
good luck.. please try for your babies sake.
the pain? sounds like the baby wasnt getting a good latch. or at first you get a burn feeling when your milk drops, but only last alittle while. and thats just for the first month. later you dont feel anything.
because you had bad luck in the past? I would get with a nurse to help you.bfing laying down worked wonders for me too.  good luck.. and wow.. wont be long now.Yay..

[tatorbug40]

I wouldn't worry about what other people say-  I did that-  worried too much-  there is more health then breast milk, for you and the baby...  I was not able to bf my first, I tried to pump, but only made it about 3 weeks, and she wasn't 100% breast milk because I wasn't making enough...  I had intended to bf my second at least 6 months,  and he had a failry good latch, I think, but I really struggled with everything mentally-  I started to slip in to the beginning of ppd, I am sure of it...  and I think all the stress I was putting on myself to bf was adding to it...  it was just very hard for me and my mental condition was just as important to a healthy baby and relationship....  babies survive when 100% formula fed...  my daughter is one of the smartest 3 year olds out there, and my son is very healthy and happy, and I only managed a little less then 8 weeks of breastmilk with him...  you need to do what is best for you and the baby, even if that means formula...  I pumped and bottlefed my son for those 8 weeks (after about 2 weeks of actul nursing) and that helped a little because I could have family help out with the feeding too...  like stated above, take it one day at a time and don't feel guilty for doing what is best for you...  that is ultimately what is best for the baby too...  an unhealthy mommy isn't good for anyone!  :)

[sdo527]

It sounds like you had some pretty traumatic BF experiences in the past. I would really encourage you to enter this new experience with an open mind and you may be suprised. Definitely surround yourself with experienced and supportive people (LCs for sure) who can make sure that the mechanics of the BF realtionship are in place.

My first child was EBF for a year and self-weaned at 3.5y. The first 4m of BF were incredibly painful. I had multiple issues (flat nipples, oversupply, overactive let-down and a baby with refulx, topical thrush, ductal yeast, cuts on nipples, bleeding, etc.). The ductal yeast was the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life. It was incapacitating. I was misdiagnosed by 3 doctors who all encouraged me to wean but I knew that there had to be a better alternative. I found great LCs who put me in contact with Jack Newman and I got appropriate treatment and things got better, slowly, until at 6m things were great.

I remember clearly looking at other new mom's breastfeeding their children with ease, without crying, cringing, or having to swallow their yelps due to the pain. I didn't understand, and I was really envious. But I really stuck with it and it did get better. I really hope you are able to do the same, but know there is nothing you can do about it today so try to focus your energy on growing your baby and taking care of yourself.

[Becky30]

It seems like most moms either have a really easy time or they have a lot of struggles.  When struggles are minimal or only last a couple weeks, I feel those moms can't really understand when the pain and the problems become too overwhelming for even strong women.  For me, there were MANY more cons than pros to BF.  However, the pros are big ones, hence the mental and emotional conflict I'm having.

I know my babies both had good, deep latches--that was not the problem past the first week or so.  I went to over 5 different LC and one of them literally began flipping though one of her picture books and still couldn't figure out what was wrong.  She didn't charge me because she couldn't help me.  And most of the others encouraged treatment for thrush which I took against my pediatrician's advise and that did not even fix it.  The pain was excruciating, practically worse than labor.  I cried even in anticipation of a feeding--it was horrible.  And I had deep aching in my breasts even in between the feeding and burning/prickling when I would let down.  I couldn't even stand for people at church to hug me!  I'd brace myself when I saw them coming.


Besides the physical pain AND initial common problems (like flat nipples, latch, baby falling asleep, engorgement, clogged ducks etc.), for me, here are some cons--maybe some of you can relate?:

1.  Mom is soley responsible for feeding at all hours.  This made me feel resentful toward my husband.
2.  My breasts are huge (I was in a size G) and it physically does not work to cradle hold or lie down for BF.  It's a messy, two handed, breast-exposed event that is impossible to accomplish in public.   I needed boppy, pillows, mulitple cloths for leakage--it was a mess and never comfortable.
3.  Because I couldn't BF in public, I had to miss out on time at family and social functions--closed up in a dark room at a time when I needed to be with people more than ever.  The whole process took at least 45 minutes.
4.  You can see breastpads through your shirt.
5.  I leaked all the time.  I hate wearing bras, especially to bed.  But you know the messiness if you don't.
6.  The let-down always hurt.
7.  I felt restricted by the baby's nursing routine.  We had to plan to be back home within an hour and a half from whatever errand needed to be run.
8.  I hated pumping.  I felt like a cow.  And it feels like double duty to me.
9.  I hated my body.  I kept on the extra 15 pounds BF mothers sometimes keep until after weaning.
10.  I hated how big my breasts were.  None of the nursing bras were supportive enough to pick them up and put them in the right place on my chest.  I LOOKED like a cow.
11.  I couldn't take care of my first-born while nursing my 2nd.  (And now I'll have 2 to worry about.)
12.  Bottle feeding felt like SUCH a relief.  It was SOOOOO much easier in every way.

The pros for me are nutrition and money.  

I'm not trying to be a party pooper on the BF forum!  I just didn't know where else to find mothers who could relate.  

What I really, really want is to find a mother who has tried combination feeding from Day 1 and can tell me it actually worked for her.:)

Thanks for listening and for your responses!
Becky

[Tennesseegirl]

  Breastfeeding is nature’s food for babies, and there is nothing better. It is uniquely balanced to suit your baby’s feeding needs at any stage, so as he grows older, its constituents are perfectly suited to his needs. Pre-term babies particularly benefit from this quality
  It is much more easily digested than formula milk, and it produces less smelly nappies
  Breast milk contains antibodies, which protect the baby from certain germs. Breastfed babies are less likely to suffer from gastrointestinal or middle ear problems than their bottle fed counterparts
  Breast milk contains certain constituents that help to develop the brain and nervous system
  Breastfeeding is the simplest of all infant feeding methods. There is no need to buy it, prepare it, warm it or sterilise it: it’s all there waiting for your baby
  Breastfed babies are unlikely to be overfed
  It can benefit you, too: the hormones that are stimulated when you are breastfeeding help your uterus to return to its normal size quickly. Research also indicates that breastfeeding can give you some protection against osteoporosis and certain forms of cancer
I can go on... and on...

I hate to have to say it but your cons seems to be alittle selfish. Im sorry to hear your hurting? no I dont understand. but Im sure there is someone in the hospital that can help you.
yes.. you are in a breastfeeding forum... breastfeeding is natural and is only for your baby. therefor
feeling like a cow? while you feed. do you feel like a pig when you eat????
the room you go in to doesnt need to be dark! turn the light on
breastpads threw the shirt? wear a padded bra, will also help with the leakage.
I wear bfing tanks to bed feels more like a shirt then a bra.
cant take care of your first one while bfing. are you planning on proping the bottle?
other then the size of your breast.... your cons are so easy to make better.
oh..I missed your number one con..... you can pump and let dh have a turn feeding.



I really wouldnt stress over it, you have plenty of time befor the baby comes. once you hold it in your arms Iam sure you will do whats right for you and your baby. I just wish you would learn the pros... in a more detailed mannor. and stop stressing over the small stuff.

I would hope that you do your homework and really learn what and how much bfing benifits for your baby. If you really knew, I dont think you would be asking about supplementing, My comment would be....any breastmilk is better then nothing.

[mum2beagain]

I can relate to most of your comments, I had a painful letdown, I have 36F boobs when not nursing (and I'm only 5ft), finding a bra was definately challenge and it wasn't until baby was about 2 months old that I could do the cradel hold, I was with some help able to nurse lying down after the first few weeks. But I didn't mind pumping and Sam had bottles of pumped breast milk form 2 weeks old so that gave me a bit more freedom.
With my first I tried, it was hard, he was a preemie and it just didn't work out. I would have pumped for longer but I was inexperienced and have since realised I didn't have the right pump or schedule so I dried up. I can understand how bottle feeding feels like a relief, it did with my first.
Many of the problems will be there anyway at first even if you do not B/F, your milk will still come in, you will get let down, sore boobs and all that. It will probably be a couple of weeks before that goes away so be prepared for that even if you decide to go with the bottle.
I would never tell anyone who was miserable to carry on breast feeding, emotional well being is very important. As I said in my first post if you want to give it a try with an open mind then go for it, don't assume it will be bad, don't assume it will be easy, give yourself a little time to see how it goes and take one day at a time. If you really don't want to then don't, formula is a perfectly acceptable nutritional way to feed your child.

Best wishes with your new baby.

[tatorbug40]

I second all of mum's comments...  I will tell you that my decision to no BF longer or pump were selfish too...  to a degree...  you number one con was one of my big things too...  that really bothered me, to be the only one who held the responsibility for feeding the baby...  but like stated, just take it a day at a time like mum said,  and don't feel guilty about your decision...  you will still be a good mom...  

[pertykitty]

i have nursed my son and now with my daughter.  she was a preemie and he was 3 weeks old so i understand the difficulties that can go with breastfeeding. i dont understand why you said you can bf outside the house?  my breasts were up to a f or larger cup too but have gone down a bit now.  i bought a cover and i go wherever i want, i cant miss my sons football because i bf his sister.  i go to dinner because i can feed her there too.  

its a state of mind you are in, you sound as though you simply dont want to bf, and if you feel that way then dont.  i totally believe that bfing is best, and i love doing it.  i did both breast and bottle with my son and he had no issues but my dd wouldnt even try a pumped bottle.  it might be done it might not all babies are different.

if you are so miserable that you resent your dh or your child then i say ff.   it may not be the same as breast milk but babies that are fed formula do grow to be healthy and smart.

[tiredbuthappy]

my story is a little different. when i had dd, i really resented people who were able to breastfeed with ease.  i think many many people take the ability to breast feed successfully for granted. i always felt like they were implying i simply wasn't trying hard enough, and if i worked at it it would all work out. well, sometimes it just doesn't. sticking the baby on my breast 24-7 was not going to help her mature faster. i ended up having to pump. i pumped for 6 1/2 months. i HATED it. absolutely dreaded each session. but to me, the nutrition was more important. while i was doing it, i swore i would never put myself through it again. So of course now as i think of having a second child, i am terrified that bf'ing won't work out and i will be faced with the decision of whether or not to pump. while i genuinely swore i'd never do it again, i think that i would have to try anyways. i believe strongly in the benefits of breast milk, and can't justify not trying to give my second the same benefits i gave my first. however, i am not making any definite goals. i know that 2 weeks of breast milk is better than none. so if i were in that position again, i will take it day by day.

i don't know if this is feasible for you, but i have decided to take at least 4 months off of work to help me realize my bf'ing goals. like you, i have to have a c-sec. therefore, DH is saving his vacation time and taking 4 weeks to stay home after the baby is born. we won't be able to take any other vacations that year, but at least i will have the help and support necessary to make the entire process easier for everyone involved.

but honestly, it sounds like bf may not be for you. it's like your list of cons is there more to convince yourself and justify your decision to yourself. and that's OK. formula is not poison. this anxiety shouldn't be clouding one of the most joyous days of your life. they say bf'ing helps you bond with your baby. with so many negative feelings towards bf'ing and the pain you associate with it, i can almost see bf'ing as hindering your relationship with your newborn.

[Becky30]

Well, I think I've found some discernment about this decision.  It comes down to which solution would leave me with the least amount of possible regret.  

I believe I would regret it if I didn't at least TRY to bf one more time.  I still will plan on combination feeding because I still really do hate everything about bf-ing.  I do want to clarify because I don't think it came through the way I meant it, but the "cons" I listed in my last post were just extraneous negatives I feel (posted for the sake of someone who questioned that there WERE cons to bf).  And BTW, are not so "easily fixed."  I've bf 2 babies WITH the help of family, friends, nurses, and lactation consultants, and everything I've experienced remained ongoing and unresolved.  

The REAL issue is the excruciating pain I experience when simply trying to feed my babies.  And no, it's not something "someone at the hospital can help with."  Again, I've tried that route.

And I'm well aware of the natural benefits of bf-ing---HENCE the inner conflict.

I appreciate the comments that support and help me know I'm not alone--thank you!!

I'm sure I'll be posting soon about what I foresee as possible problems with this approach--ie:  nipple confusion, milk supply.:)  Thanks everyone!

[ma2isiah]

Did anyone suggest you may have Raynauds? That can cause the intense pain you are describing. For me breastfeeding was hard in the beginning, but I never thought of it as an option to quit. Once you get to 3-4 months I think it is easier than bottlefeeding (but I never bottlefed so I can't say for sure). I also have extremely large breasts (32K....yep, it is not a typo K when breastfeeding) I know the pain of that... I can reccommend places to get big supportive bras and can give you more details on Raynauds if you are interested. There are medications to treat it, I chose not to use them and my symptoms got much better with simple fixes, but sometimes meds are necessary. Let me know if you have any questions....

[momoftwins37]

Hi Becky,
I understand and can empathise with your comments about breast feeding. I have twins that are 10 weeks old, and I do a combination of breast and bottle. I would prefer to do exclusive breast, but am unable to because of pain and the inability to nurse my babies 24/7. I think the trickiest thing with combining the two is the temptation to use the bottle more often- and then your milk production will decrease. I am contemplating going to exclusive bottle during the day and breast at night (I find night feeding easier as I prefer to feed them lying down).
It's unfortunate that there is so much pressure on us to exclusively breast feed. I completely understand the reasons- and I'm probably harder on myself than anyone else is for not being able to ebf my twins, but you also need to factor in your sanity, and ability to care for your baby and other children to the best of your ability.
I do agree with the "take one day at a time" philosophy, and wish you the best of luck. Your baby obviously has a loving mom for you to be so concerned about this!
Jen

[Atlanta Girl]

I also had a bad experience breastfeeding my son, for the first 3 months.  Everyday I used to say to my hubby: I HATE breastfeeding! My son was nursing constantly and was often very fussy at the breast (especially in the evening) because he wanted more milk! I don't know why with all that nursing around the clock, I still wasn't producing enough! It was so frustrating... I cried and cried over it, especially when I was forced to top with a couple of ounces of formula. And the pain!!!! If you haven't suffered EXTREME pain for months EVERY SINGLE nursing session from beginning to end, you cannot understand how insane this breastfeeding thing can make you become. My son wouldn't sleep anywhere but in my arms and my breast hurt soooo much when I held him! It was hell... Then one day finally it got better and now I'm so glad I kept going because it's so much easier to put him at the breast, easier to give him a bottle indeed! I say: do your best, take one day at the time, but don't loose your sanity over it!

[Becky30]

Thank you SOOOOO much for these comments.  It really helps to know there are others out there who relate.  When bfing doesn't happen easily, it's a struggle not to think there's something something wrong with you as a woman or mother, even though we know better.  Especially the whole pain issue (which I have in other female areas as well!).

I appreciate the support!  Keep it comin'!:)