Feeling inadequate

I guess im having a vent... My problem is that I express 28 - 30 oz a day for my 4 month old baby girl which she takes in full. The problem is I feel sad and inadequate that I have to supplement one formula feed a day because she has a big appetite. I cannot make more milk as one breast has poor production and if both were like my good breast, I'd be expressing enough to freeze. I wish I could say she's never had formula. I don't know why it bothers me so
much, but it does. I do lots of pumping, and am well hydrated (ie I know how to ensure my supply doesn't drop) I don't know if I'll ever be able to give exclusive breastmilk. :-(  

[tiredbuthappy]

Please don't be so hard on yourself. First off, 28-30 oz would be enough for most babies- you just have a little piggy on your hands :) She is getting A LOT of breastmilk. That 1 formula bottle a day really doesn't have a negative impact. The reason why they say no formula is primarily because it impacts mom's supply, which is not an issue for an EPer. Honestly, making a switch to all breastmilk now, even if it was possible, wouldn't make a huge difference. First off, she's getting all the immunological properties of breast milk. That 4 ounces of formula will NOT negate the antibodies received from the 30 oz of breast milk. As for allergies, obviously she is not allergic to cow's milk if she's getting formula, so that is not an issue either.

we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. I'd tell you not to, but honestly i'd be a hypocrit. i do the same thing to myself.  I am being 100% honest when i say i think you're doing an amazing job, but i know that we tend to be our own greatest critic. We do have to remember that formula is NOT poison  =)

[KATE535]

Thanks, you have made me feel better. I suppose I should actually feel very proud that she has so much breastmilk. It's so easy to get obsessed about breastmilk when all you feel like you do is pump or think about pumping, lol. I am one of those women who admire a mum on the sole factor that she bteastfeeds her baby, for me it is the most credit you can give to someone for doing. It's hard but so worth it. I actually think I will go the year because I am so determined to do this! I just wish I could have done it for a year on all my babies (that's another thing I rac my mind over). How long do you plan to b/feed for?

[tiredbuthappy]

i don't know... with my first i quit pumping at 6 1/2 months because i found working fulltime and grad classes to be too much with pumping. i just reached my initial goal of 6 months with this baby. i knew i had to give her bm at least as long as my first. but this little one has had so many issues with reflux, i'm afraid to try formula. I may be stuck doing this for years (jk, of course). Since i've met my initial goal, i'm taking it 1 week (or maybe month) at a time. i look at it this way- now that other foods are being introduced, the idea of exclusively providing breast milk is not as crucial. the baby is being introduced to other proteins anyways. of course, every bit of breastmilk is important, but not as much as before. Looking at it this way actually takes some of the pressure off and makes longer term goals look feasible. if i'm exhausted and overwhelmed, i have the option of cutting back on pumping and worst comes to worst giving some formula. not tragic, right? of course i'd rather not, but knowing it's an option makes pumping less daunting.

i am beyond obsessed by the way. what i said above is the rational me. the irrational part of me has a spreadsheet that i record every ounce in. dh is upset i'm doing that again (i said i wouldn't when i started pumping again), but i HAVE to know if there's a drop in ounces. he is tremendously supportive and admires what i do. he sacrifices so i can pump (both doing extra chores, washing stuff, watching kids while i pump, not to mention the complete lack of a sex life) and he feels i put too much pressure on myself.

[KATE535]

Lol!!! I also have a special little book I call my feed book which contains baby's daily feeds (I can admit that now :-) ) and you know what? I bet there will come a day when I add up all the ounces she's ever had!! Sad I know but I do think I am OBSESSED with this b/feeding thing. We must be alike ...
Nice to know I'm not alone :-)

[KATE535]

Btw congrats on reaching your initial goal. Although I get the feeling your not ready to hang up your boots yet. :-)

[tiredbuthappy]

haha. That's what great about using excel. I am always on the computer when I pump, so i just add in the # of oz. I'm surprised I haven't graphed it yet =P  I just hit "sum" for last week- i pumped 276 oz last week! Never occured to me to tally it. OMG that's 2.16 GALLONS of milk pumped in a week.

i'm thinking of cutting down. The only reason I get as much as I do is because i spend A LOT of time pumping. way too much time. Like, 2 1/2 to 3 hours a day pumping. I have to stop doing this to myself, and need to accept that there will be a drop in ounces.

[KATE535]

As I pump 6 times a day for anything between 12 - 20 mins a side, I do hit the three hour mark but I don't use a double pump. So three hours on a double pump like you do would be much longer than me. Only my pumping time of both sides combined gets the 3 hours. Do you think this could be why I seem to be stuck at max 30 oz?  

[KATE535]

I must be averaging 200 oz per week. 276 - that's amazing!!

[tiredbuthappy]

very possible why you've hit a plateau. I can't imagine doing this on a single pump. I empty faster when double pumping. It also allows me to pump longer. So basically, I'm pumping twice as long as you (from each boob's perspective). I honestly think that if I pumped half as much, I would probably getting less than 30. That's the thing though. Most of the milk is let-down within the first 30 minutes (when I go 8 hrs between pumps). Is it really worth all that extra time for just a couple more ounces?

At work, I am now using a manual because I am tired of lugging the big pump. Even there, I use 2 single manual pumps because it's so much faster and more effective.

[KATE535]

My issue is should I spend £90 (around 150 dollars??) on a double pump when baby is already 4 months? Do you think it's worth doing even now? Would you buy one? I wonder if I then would happily pump for 30 mins a time whereas now I take 40 mins to pump but only do 20 mins a side really - it seems a waste really doesn't it? I will be expressing for another 8 months hopefully. Maybe more...

[tiredbuthappy]

if you have long term goals, then it's definitely worth it.
What kind of pump do you have?
Is it an option by you to rent one for a month and see if you like double pumping better? Other options would be finding one cheap/used on craiglist or ebay.

[tiredbuthappy]

and think about it this way... formula feeding can cost  $100-$150 each month. When you look at it that way, the cost of a pump doesn't really seem like much. i got those numbers from internet searches. but if i recall correctly from my first, those numbers are pretty accurate.

[KATE535]

I've got a medela electric - the most basic electric pump of the medela range. I used the medela swing in hospital but have since then decided to stick with this one til it breaks due to overuse, lol. But now a double pump sounds promising I must say. And your point about the cost of formula shows it really would be worth considering.

[mum2beagain]

If you already have one good single electric pump would it be cheaper to buy just another single electric pump so you have one for each side rather than going out and getting the full double pump? It may be worth considering.

[KATE535]

Yes it does make sense to get another, I will do that and let you guys know how my expressing goes :-)