Thinking about BF but very much conflicted

I am thinking about breast feeding as my mom was telling me all of the wonderful benefits (she however never breast fed). I have also read up on it in magazines and "what to expect when your expecting". When I speak to people about BF I hear mostly horror stories, and some halfway decent stories. I want to do what is best for my coming baby (I am only 11 weeks pregnant) I know I may sound a little too worried but I have always been 1 step ahead of myself and very prepared for everything that life throws at me. Thinking about this is making me a nervious wreck at the risk of not making the right decision.

My biggest concerns are: I am afraid that going back to work after 6-8weeks is going to be dificult, not to mention I want my husband to be able to bond with the baby as well. Sex and breastfeeding, is it a complete turn off for him?

Thanks in advance for any advise!

[Clysta]

In terms of going back to work, you can pump and bottle feed your baby the milk. I know many ladies who choose this route and it works out for them. I've never personally done it (I'm a SAHM and breastfed exclusively--my daughter refuses bottles) so I can't say how difficult it is, just that I know it can be done if you really want to. There are also numerous way for your husband to bond with the baby other than just feeding. Diapers, rocking to sleep, playing with baby, etc. As for sex and the like, some men think it's attractive, others think it's a little weird. My husband doesn't see breasts as anything sexual and for him they're just there to feed our daughter. Some men get completely turned on by it. Others think the idea of the baby eating from them is wrong. That would be something you'd have to discuss with him.

[Heatherm4]

I think the horror stories are from the people that have a difficult time at first. It's just difficult for some people and easy as pie for others. Take all the support you can get at the hospital, I will tell you that. It's good to know that what you're doing is the right. And if you don't breastfeed then it's not the end of the world!
The benefits are great and it's a lot cheaper. Like Clysta said, you can always pump and bottle feed for when you go back to work and then pump when at work every couple hours or so. It can work...many mom's do it.
Daddy will for sure have bonding time. I exclusively breastfeed and my son also has problems taking a bottle. DH would almost rather not take him and feed him because he has a hard time with it. They bond in other ways.

[AnnieBrooke]

Cheaper for sure, the powdered formula I had to supplement with cost $25 a can.  And so simple!  I was even able to breast feed my son in a quiet corner at the Auto Show.  No bottles to haul around and worry about the temperature of, no cleanup, no muss, no fuss.  And the bonding is so sweet, there is nothing like the little cooing sound you hear from the baby.  Breast milk is also (unlike formula) non-decaying to the baby's teeth, among its many other benefits.  So if you're still nursing at night at the 6-month stage, you can do it while you snooze (the side-lying position) and the baby sleeps like an angel and you don't have to wake up and mess with a bottle OR worry about the night drinking giving him tooth decay.

I took a breast-feeding class at our local hospital, a one-time class that I think was 2 hours long, and then the lactation consultant came in when we were in the hospital after the baby was born.  Both things were really, really helpful.

Try to go braless some during early pregnancy (and later if your breasts aren't too heavy) to get your nipple skin used to some abrasion.  Though I loved breastfeeding (did it for 18 months), I did not love the toughening process.  Those little gums can really chomp.  :)

Cool cabbage leaves are surprisingly effective soothers for the boobs after a good chomping nursing session.  

Good luck!

[FitDiezel]

thank you, thank you! This was very helpful. I am happy that I posted this topic. I will definately look into a breastfeeding class at the hospital. Thankyou for all the advise. This was the most comforting information that I have heard yet!

Still concerned about the sex issue because my husband is a "boob man" (for lack of a better term). I guess I will just have to confront him on it! But thank you all again!

[Heatherm4]

The only thing that will get in the way of sex is if you leak. At first I would leak even if my DH would give me a comforting back rub but now it's not so bad.

[tiredbuthappy]

Well, if he's a boob man, he's gonna LOVE the new look on you, even if he's not really comfortable touching them. Mine were ginormous, full, and perky while BF. He may be willing to sacrifice some things in return for the viewing pleasure :)

[jenstam]

My hubby found my breasts even more beautiful when I was nursing. The leaking didn't bother him/us at all. It's just a part of nursing! I found nursing to be a very wonderful bonding experience and cannot imagine not doing it with having a baby. It just goes hand in hand. It is the way nature intended. It's the perfect food for your baby. It gives your baby all of the antibodies, immunities, vitamins, hydration, fats, etc...that he or she needs to live. It's perfect in every way.

Nursing is not easy in the beginning. It takes a week or two for you and baby to get the hang of it. Each day gets easier. It then becomes almost like second nature. Taking a class is a great idea. If you have friends or family members that have done it, it's a good idea to ask them how they made it work. Especially if they returned to work after the baby was born. I did return to work after my babies were born and I pumped while at work to make bottles for baby at daycare, then nursed at home. Getting up at night or going places was so much easier. No bottles to make, no formula to bring or warm up. It's so much cheaper also!

Please remember to come back here if you have any further questions or need advice. I hope you will choose to give your baby the best! Congrats and good luck!

[need_answers_from_someone]

I, like you, was conflicted but for financial reasons decided to breastfeed.  I have to admit I am still having trouble with the entire process (2.5 months) but trying to make it work.  My baby will not latch without a breast shield due to complications at birth (he was bottle fed in the NICU) so he was always more eager to take a bottle.  I probably should have pumped and bottle fed at that point but I was determined to see this BFing thing through.  I think the only thing I do not like about it is how long it takes.  My LO eats for about an hour total at each feeding.  I think the milk flows slower with the shield.  I feel bad when people come to visit since I have to take him away from so long.  I do not feel comfortable BFing in front of people.  I do pump twice a day and it isnt so bad.  

If you are going back to work in 6 weeks I would try doing both.  I would breastfeed then pump right after so you can give him a bottle at the next feeding.  That way when you do go back to work he is acclimated to both bottle and breast (less of a transition for both of you).  

Whatever your decision please know that formula is not the devil.  I know there are some women that would say that formula will never be as good as breast milk and I am sure in some cases that is true.  I was raised on formula and from what you wrote I am assuming you were too.  I feel like I turned out just fine.  I went to school...went to college...got a masters...great job...etc.  What I am trying to say is....if you decide to give formula to you baby will be just fine and grow up just the same.  Make the decision that works for you regardless of what anyone else thinks.

As for sex...I had my little one 2.5 months ago and still have not done anything...I mean anything...with my hubby.  Not because of breastfeeding....believe me...that doesnt bother him one bit....after giving birth and staying up all night and being exhausted...it is the last thing on my mind.  So don't worry about not looking beautiful for your hubby.  If he is anything like mine he will be just waiting for those sweet words from you "Lets Make Love"

Good luck in your decision. Whatever it is...it will be the right one for you!

[mature_enough]

Hi there FitDeizel! I am glad to hear you are considering breastfeeding as an option to feed your baby. Sounds like you are already a good mommy. The best advice I can give is “Plug your ears” to any horror stories about breastfeeding or pregnancy. Everyone is different and this is a time others need to be sensitive about your concerns. The best news is, breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt! If the baby is positioned right (chest to chest, ears, shoulders, and hip aligned, open wide, flanged lips, taking in enough areola) breastfeeding ends up actually being a “FEEL GOOD” experience because of a hormone your body releases called oxytocin. In the beginning (first 10 days) you may have a little soreness due to changes, but for most women, they sincerely enjoy breastfeeding and the special bond it gives to mother and baby… which is one of your biggest concerns. Yes, breastfeeding is something ONLY mother can give, but daddy has something ONLY he can give. No one can take the place of a father. His special ways of bonding are different of that from a mother. He can bond by skin to skin contact (no place like daddy’s chest), bathing the baby, changing, and daddy’s renowned role as baby’s special playmate.
You are “always one step ahead” and you prove it through your concerns, which make my job as a Breastfeeding Peer Counselor really easy and makes you an awesome mom already! Yes, planning ahead is what being a mommy is all about. Keep planning! (for college, for the prom, for sports events, ect.)  
Your concerns are common, and you are already off to a good start. 6-8 weeks will give you plenty of time to establish breastfeeding before you return to work. After that, you have the option of pumping/expressing your milk and/or breastfeeding during breaks. Laws protect breastfeeding mothers in the workplace and there are many benefits to you, the baby, and the employer. Yes, the employer. By being a bf mother, not only will you be more productive since you have return to your pre-pregnancy weight faster than formula feeding mothers, but you will miss work less because you won’t have to stay home with a sick baby as often since breast milk has antibodies formula cannot offer. It is by law that an employer has to provide a mother with breaks to express her milk, and to have a private place to do so.
Unfortunately, I cannot answer whether of not your husband will be turned off by your breasts being ever so functional, instead of sexual… Some men love the change, others may feel left out. Just remember, breasts are not the only “sexual” thing about your body. A woman’s body has many features that are included as SEXY.
And finally, don’t worry about making the wrong decision sister.
Breastfeeding is a choice that ONLY YOU can make. Though breastfeeding has many more advantages (for both mother and baby… and for all of society for that matter) The “right” decision is whatever you decide. As long as you are making an informed choice, only you know your limits and you don’t have to live up to anyone else’s expectations of what is right.

[happynifer]

highly rec breast feeding your baby,
much better for both of you health wise, not to mention a whole lot cheaper. formula is ok if that's the only choice, but it is less nutritious for your baby, more work for you and is very expensive.
your dh can find other ways to bond with the baby that don't involve food.  mine held her skin to skin when she was sleeping as a newborn and now that she is almost 11 weeks, he spends at least an hour after work holding and playing with her on days i am home all day with her.
i went back to work at 4 weeks since i used up most of my short leave on bedrest at the end of pregnancy.
i started pumping at 3 weeks to give me just enough of a stash to be able to have dh feed her on the nights i work.  if you pump too early, you run a big risk of over supply issues (which i am still dealing with a mild case of) and you can have nipple confusion issues.
i only BF my daughter, and she only takes a bottle of expressed milk from dh or the nanny when i cannot be available.  
she is growing like a weed and is very healthy.and ive been able to donate 360 ounces of milk so far to another baby who's mom is having issues producing enough milk for him.

[jenstam]

Great answers!! All of them!