A friend of mine died this week, aged 93. The circumstances of her death reminded me that there are people in this world who are uncaring. She died alone in a nursing home, five weeks after admission because her daughter refused to spend money for a health care aide.
Nor visit her.
"Please take me home!" were her last words on the phone.
The daughter had her transfer ownership of her $600,000 house and $500,000 in cash over ten years ago. The daughter lives in another state and has a condo in a third state. She lives the good life.
"I love jewelry!" is her favorite sentence. "I'm a party animal!"
Two years ago the daughter was investigated by adult protective services for starving her mother. The mother was taken to a physician (the daughter refused to take her) and the physician wrote a letter to the police that she believed the elderly woman was beaten up by her daughter. A hearing was held and the court ordered a conservator to be responsible for the daily care of the mother. The daughter wrote registered letters to all her mother's friends telling them "not to visit". She did everything possible to make the life of her mother miserable. She didn't allow chocolate bars or cake in the house (not healthy). She constantly threatened everyone helping her mother.
This resulted in the daughter's arrest and conviction for threatening (the adult protective services investigator), but that didn't stop the little creature.
I attempted input and the daughter threatened me with a restraining order and a charge of harassment.
So last night I went to church, lit a candle and said a prayer for the mother.
I bumped into the daughter, happy as a skylark, going to a jewelry sale.
these things happen ... some people just forget that once upon a time they were little and they were ******** diapers and someone used to change them and love them and give them the care and attention they needed ... those who don't show mercy won't be shown mercy when the day comes ... and what happened to honor your parents ?? and she gave her mother the worse kind of death dying alone ... shame on her !!
This is horrible. I know it goes on but I still think it's horrible. My mom has never been a kind person. But I would never do this to her. As she got older, after my Dad died, I did all I could to take care of her needs, tried to bring some happiness into her life. I bought her pretty cupcakes and candy bars and chubby sub sandwiches. I spent 2 days a week with her and ran errands and took her out to lunch. Through it all, she was still mean and critical and angry. Even got to the point that she was accusing me and my husband of all kinds of terrible things.
In the end we had to get a guardian for her because she wouldn't allow us to have any contact with her. Yes, I know it's part of her angry personality and now dementia. But still, I only want what's best for her. I want to know her needs are being met and that she's safe. So far things are going very well and she's a happy camper, or at least as happy as she'll ever be.
I would never take her things or her money. They don't belong to me. They are hers alone. How can anyone, daughter or not, feel entitled to essentially steal from an elderly person? How do they justify it in their mind? Rotten is what it is. Perhaps when that "daughter" (she doesn't earn the title) gets old and needs help, she will get the same treatment.
Reading about these stories are horrible but when you have no one that cares, including the employees, that is what you are subject to.
I know one day, I will wind up in a nursing home because I have no family and no one to trust except my caregiver. If something happens to him, I am subject to the results of what you read here. My neighbors don't care except for themselves, my caregivers family want to help but don't live in the same state and have their 84 year old mother to take care of. When she is gone, there will be chaos in this dysfunctional family and I don't need to be around that. What would be worse, a dysfunctional family or a nursing home? That is the reality of what we deal with so I prepared for the worse but MAYBE something positive will come in time, that is all I can hope for?
Although we have children that live nearby and we're very close, my husband and I are still making plans for our care as we get older. We don't know what circumstances our kids will be in when we get very old. They say they want to take care of us but we don't want to end up being a burden on them. So we're scoping out the various assisted living/nursing care facilities in our area. We have our finances set up to pay for care if and when we need it. And we'll do all we can to simplify our life as we age so it won't be so complicated for our kids when we do die. Beyond that, I don't know what else can be done. It's just sickening to think of a an adult child abusing a parent like that. If the lady didn't like her mom, she should have just stayed away.
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