How to Live With A Chemically Dependant Person

[kallily]

My husband has had many labels put on him since he has begun the process of eliminating opiate and dexedrine use. They have labeled him as manic, skitzophrenic, bi-polar, depressed etc. He has been given meds for all these symptoms. He is showing absolutely no signs of getting better. He is 72 yrs old.

Within 4 yrs he has gone from a very physical person to someone I don't know. He's difficult to talk to, he seems to be on the edge all the time and the least little thing upsets him.

He has started so many projects only to discover that he can't do it. So things sit and are piling up. He wanted to put crown molding in the office (do it yourself kinda guy) only to realize that he won't be able to do it. We are taking back tools that he bought and supplies to the store for a refund.

My house was a place of refuge for me. I like an orderly environment (not obsessive though), just organization. Right now we painted the office and I am sitting in the middle of it using a banquet table for my pc with plastic sheeting everywhere. It's driving me crazy. We can't put anything together because we need to hire someone to replace flooring. It's just chaotic.

My question is how do you live with someone who is delusional, manic, skitzophrenic, etc, etc? The conversations around here are minimal to say the least and then when we do talk ......it's just weird.

I do have to say that I'm glad that I just joined Celebrate Recovery at my church. I think it will be good for me and my husband. He's in another class from me so that's good.

Is anyone else going through this with a spouse? Can you share any insights or tips or anything?

Frustrated to the max!

[Tuckamore]

Hi Kalily,

I think it was a wise decision to join the Celebrate Recovery Support Group. At least it sounds like you are getting out and obtaining some support from others in a similar situation. We all need that.

There are major differences between manic, schizophrenic, bi-polar and depression. May I respectfully suggest that he be seen by a good Gerontologist. These physicians specialize in the physical, mental, and social changes in people as they age. Often they work hand in hand with other supportive fields and in your husbands case that could mean a Geriatric Psychologist or Psychiatrist. If he is correctly diagnosed it is possible that there is a treatment for his condition and symptoms. And that could mean you will have your husband back or at least an acceptable similarity of him. It could also offer you some counselling in ways to deal with what you are facing.  

I am blessed that my husband is still a wonderful supportive companion and still maintains an active professional career at 65. For five years I have been the caretaker of my 80 year old father who in the last nine months has become more argumentative, dictatorial and angry. He is deteriorating and is in heart failure and end stage lung disease. 65% of the time I also the caretaker of my 76 year old mother. They were divorced when I was 12 so it can be very interesting.

I don't have a lot of answers for you but if you are able to leave your husband alone for any length of time I encourage you to join more activities. Because it sounds like you belong to a church you may want to become involved with other church groups.

If your husband cannot offer you an intelligent, adult conversation or companionship you might consider attending a craft class at your local community college or take that class on a subject that you have always been interested in learning more about.  

If he can't be left alone investigate what your local community has to offer for home health or day care services. Do you have children or does he have siblings that would be willing to sit with him while you get out of the house?

My heart goes out to you. Although I have a wonderful husband I have little time for him and almost no quality time. I miss him terribly. I'm sure you miss the active husband you had at one time.

Others will post that can offer their suggestions. If chatting with someone helps I would be glad to chat with you. Feel free to send me a PM. Don't forget to take care of yourself.

Tuck