My Caregiver Days are Over

Mom passed away this morning at 4:00 am - on her 77th birthday.  She was getting nothing but worse by the hour at Vosswood Nursing Center, and I blame them for many things that made the last days of her life miserable.  Even after a stern family meeting and ragging on them daily, they didn't act.  No regular hemoglobin checks, no visit from their doctor, and pressure sores all over her feet and tailbone after not even two weeks under their tender mercies.  

Had we not called an ambulance to take Mom to the hospital yesterday, none of us would have had a chance to say goodbye.  The paramedics reamed out the nurses wanting to know when the last time was "ANY of you saw her NORMAL!"  They couldn't answer because they haven't been checking on her.  Mom was bleeding to death and they kept insisting her hemoglobin had gone UP.  No way.  The wouldn't retest until the got new orders and naturally wouldn't call to get them.

I am so angry right now I can hardly contain myself.  I alternate between wanting to bash heads and crying my eyes out.

[Rucnfun]

I'm so sorry to hear that. but it is okay and actually healthy to cry, so don't try holding it in.

[Kobuk]

Sorry for your loss.  Some places neglect their clients, my mom is in a nice place.  There was a male cna that was looking at the elderly women = needless to say he was fired!  

[caregiver222]

You have my sympathies and condolances.

Please don't blame yourself.

It is often impossible to push things in the right direction. I have been forcibly ordered out of several nursing homes and two hospitals at gunpoint by security over the years by insisting that appropriate medical care be instuted that would mean the difference between life and death. And when all is said and done you find they lie (surprise), alter nurses notes and medical records to reflect examinations and visits that have not been performed and few seem to know the meaning of the term "medical ethics".. I have had experience in nursing facilities in several states and the quality iof care is usually substandard in the best of them.

I will say a prayer for your mother tonight.

God bless.

[Tuckamore]

Hi Again Jaybay,

I know I have responded to your posts and sent you a PM but I just can't miss the opportunity to send my condolences again. My heart goes out to you and to your family. You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

We will all be in your position of have been and it is never, ever easy. As Caregiver said you cannot blame yourself.  God will support and heal your grief but as many will attest you will always miss you mother.

We are here to offer our support and listen when you need us. You are always welcome here. I just want to make sure that you know that we have a very supportive Grief and Loss Forum also.

I am sure you are busy with arrangements and such right now. We will be waiting for your return.

Blessings,
~Tuck

[Tuckamore]

My father seemed to really like the following poem. It was on the back cover of a pamphlet the Hospice gave him regarding the dying process. Apparently it is a nationally known poem although I had not seen it before I read the pamphlet. I beleive it was written by a nurse. I thought I'd share it with you all.

Gone From My Sight

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other

Then someone at my side says; "There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?" Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says, "There, she is gone! "There are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout,
"Here she comes!"

And that is dying!

~Tuck

[Jaybay]

Many thanks to everyone for the thoughts and prayers.  :-)  I don't blame myself; I blame the nursing home and oddly enough, my mother herself for refusing to go assisted living two years ago.  The fall that broke her hip on March 10 was the last straw on her already overtaxed body.  

Regarding death and dying, I wonder if anyone has ever seen this happen before.  Mom has lived with incredible pain due to nerve compression in her entire lumbar spine and the lower half of the thoracic spine.  After she broke her hip, nothing touched the pain.  The last two days of her life, she said the pain was gone.  Just... gone.  She was able to lay straight in the bed where she couldn't for the last 6 months.  Was it a result of brain damage from lack of oxygen?  Maybe a miracle from God that she didn't have to die in that awful pain?

I am so glad that Mom died at the hospital and NOT at that horrible nursing home.  They bought us enough time for family to say goodbye and one more visit from our pastor who Mom fell in love with.  There IS some sweet mixed with the large dose of bitter.  :-)

[Dazon50]

You have my sincerest condolences & sympathies as you deal with your mother's passing.

Prayers/blessings,
D.

[Loupa]

I am truly sorry for your loss. Try and take care of yourself during another difficult trial for you.