Tired of the Behavior

[kallily]

My husband was supposed to go to a group session this morning because he is a opiate addict. He decided he was too tired and didn't feel like going. Later he said, "he wasn't like "them," and nothing in common with blacks and streetwalkers." I said, "How can you judge these people that you haven't even met yet?" He's prejudice and doesn't think he's an addict. He's on Subonex for opiate addiction. I told him that he was just trying to get out of going. We had an arguement.

Right now I am so sick of his attitude and lack of understanding what he is doing to our life together. He blames everything on me and I am just sick of it.

How can I get through this? He is 72, had a heart attack, a stroke, back surgery, 2 knee replacements and has been addicted to pain pills for the last 15 years. The Methodone that he took because of being in so much pain with his knees broke the camels back. His brain and body simply said, "Enough is enough!" So that is his story briefly stated.

I have gone through so much with this man. I am just spent. I don't know how much more I can take. He has unfinished projects all over the house. Things are falling apart and he is very messy. I am so tired of waiting for him to clean up his act. Especially when he begins blaming everything on me. ...like this morning.

Tell me how I can do this? I feel like our relationship has become toxic. For me its imparitive that he get through this program. I know that group therapy would benefit him. But so far, he's looking for reasons not to go.

[dianecarbo]

kallily,
you can take a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it. you are looking for your non compliant spouse to do what he is supposed to do. You cannot change him, the only thing that you can do is change yourself and how you respond to the situation. He can blame you for everything, but you have to choose to accept that blame.

You need to focus on yourself and take car of yourself. take time to figure out just what it is you want out of this relationship and if you want to remain in it. you have a choice to let the unfinished project go, or pay to have someone else to do them. If that is not possible, then you must evaluate what is important to you.

you and your spouse are doing a dance. you are dancing around the issues instead of facing them. do you go to any support groups such as ala non or counseling.

You are under a tremendous amount of stress and may not be making the best decisions for yourself.  You should consider making yourself and your mental and emotional health a priority.expecting another person to make changes because they attend a group they do not want to attend sounds as if you have unrealistic expectations. get yourself some help and support to help you move forward with your life.

Diane Carbo      

[jo929]

Your husband has to want help brfore he will go, and nothing you do or say will change this, i have seen this in all kinds of cases just like the above post you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make hin drink, also the one that has the problem always blames in on something or someone else, the rich the poor all colors have problems like this, and they all have to pull together  luck  jo