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What to do....
by suzspots, Mar 25, 2009 01:21AM
My 79 year old mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer on March 5th...and was given a "limited life expectancy." For the past 18 years (since my father passed away) she has been living with me and we have an amazing relationship but we live in a tri-level home and due to her condition my family was worried about her being here with the stairs. She stayed home for the first week and was doing well...getting stronger every day. My brother and his family wanted her to come out to Arizona with him because his wife is a stay at home mom and we thought being around the grandchildren would be good for my mom. He talked to my mom and she agreed. The two of us flew out there on March 13th and I was there for about a week getting her adjusted. After about 72 hours there she started to go downhill.....she is miserable! She told me she would rather die than stay there. She is not eating and getting weaker and weaker. Every time I talk to her she tells me that she "Just wants to come home"...I am also missing her terribly and I am willing to try to make arrangements to bring her back home. My worry is that I work full time and could not be with her during the day. I really want to bring her home though...i think she deserves to be where she wants to be now. Should I look into hospice care or are there any other programs I can look into?
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As far as hospice care, I haven't gotten to the point - but my husbands mother is having hospice as a matter of fact -starting today. His brother and sister have been taking care of his mother (they live with her)....but now she is at the very end.. They had hospice come towards the end when their father died and hospice was wonderful. These people have a special calling on their life that work for Hospice - as far as I am concerned. You feel a burden lift or sense of relief as soon as they enter the room. They just know the right thing to say to calm people down.
I would definitely look into that for your mom. I think its best for her to live with you since that's where she is the happiest.
Hang in there, I know its hard. There are days I want to curl up into a ball and not wake up again. It just gets to be too much sometimes, but I have to try to hang in there too.
Take care,
MO