caring for a mom

It has been a long road so far with my mom, to watch her in the last 6 years go from being a strong lady and my mom to weak and not knowing who she is, she no longer acts like my mom, in fact i have become her mom.

it breaks my heart to see her like she is but i know i have to be strong and take care of her , i have had the Blessings of her living in my my home for the last 7 years so i got to sit and talk and learn alot about her and her childhood, we have had many good times together and now she needs me to help her throught the rest of her life. my dad also lives here with us and hes 77, not a easy job on him . he works 3 days a week just to get away and get his head together , its good to keep working it keeps you busy and with the world

my mom has a lot of uti and they knock her off her feet. we visit the hospital alot now. shes not walking these days because her legs just stoped working not sure why.

prayers for all that goes throught this. love your family

[Tuckamore]

Hello Again,

I am so very, very sorry to hear about you mom's decline... and I am so very sorry I was not here when you wrote this post. Please excuse me!!

I do understand what you are experiencing. My father lived with us for almost eight years. I watched him decline year by year then month by month and finally day by day. It was heart-wrenching. He left this earth a year ago with me at his side..... still in our home. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him immensely!  It was and continues to be thee most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. My heart truly goes out to you!!!

Like you I was blessed with sharing our home with dad . I cherish those moments and memories.. as you so wisely have stated.  I gave up much of my life for some years to care for my father, just as you have ... but just like you I have never resented or regretted one moment of that time. I would do it again in a heartbeat... again as I am sure you would.

It's been a week since your post. How's your mom doing now? How's your dad holding up? You're right, he needs keep be busy. For many ppl that can be a good coping mechanism.

Thanks for reminding our members to love their families. I will add not to forget to hug them, every chance you get. I so wish I could hug my dad again. And don't forget to tell that how important they are in your lives. In the final months my dad enjoyed the reassured that he was a wonderful man, a great human being and a the best father ever... and I told him so often.

As I have said here often, don't forget to take care of you too!!! As a Caregiver you must be as strong and healthy as possible, mind, body and spirit. Taking care of you is also taking care of your mom or whatever loved one you or any of us may be caring for! I had great support from this forum and Hospice, that along with my faith got me through some very difficult times. Now the Hospice staff are gone and only my Faith sustains me. I am so very grateful that my dad took me to Church and Sunday School every Sunday when I was growing up. It has been so instrumental in my life. I hope that you have some spiritual support.

Please let me know how you are doing. I am feeling better and will be monitoring our site more closely. I'll look forward to hearing from you soon.

(((HUGS)))
~Tuck

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

hi. just got back on today had a few moments as my mom is still asleep. thank you for sharing, your great journey with your Dad, i know its not easy to do,

my mom is bed ridden now she has not walked in 2 months and its so sad to see her laying in that bed 24/7 as she was always a go getter.dont seem to bother her most days ever now and than she will want to get up and it breaks my heart to have to try and tell her she jst got back in bed that we went shopping. i know its not true but it seems to help her and shes ok with being in bed than.

last night as i was sitting on her bed and holding her hand she told me she wanted my sparker thing. i learn that it was my dia necklace so i took it off and put it on her , she was very happy to have it on her neck. that necklace came from my hubby its a journey necklace and it meant a lot to me . well now it means even MORE. my mom is wearing it for me and one day when i recover it again i will be proud to wear it because she did. its the little things that matter to me know.  when she smiles it makes me happy because she dont do that often, they say thats the last thing to go is the smile, so i look foward to seeing her smile.

God Blessed me with great parents Tuck like you was and they took great care of us so in return its our turn, they saw us into the world and we are seeing them out. That is  a Blessing both ways, they were here for us now we are there for them. Hugs to you and yes i get them everyday from my mom and dad because i to know one day that will be gone and when it is i want to feel their arms still around me .

[Tuckamore]

Your journey necklace brought tears to my eyes. ... along with the wonderful ways you find to comfort your mom.

Your love and kindness means everything to your mom and you now. You won't ever forget these moments.

I few weeks ago I drove three hours to visit an old friend of mine who is unfortunately in the dying process. He was healthy and active until a few months ago now he will soon leave this earth. He said one simple sincere sentence that has stayed with me, "It's the cycle."

I knew what he meant immediately... the cycle of life, one leaves, another comes. And so it is with our parents and the grandchildren that come to not take their place but make a new place. One day it will be us... I can only hope that our children are as kind and loving to us as we have tried to be to our parents. "It's the cycle."

God Bless You and Your Mom.
~Tuck

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

how are you doing these days?  you always have kind words and its easy to talk to you. as i know you have been where i am at and going.  what do you think is going on in there heads when they try and speak but the words come out all jumbled, do they  here them self saying it right in there head but just cant get it out, how scarey for them, what if they are hurting but cant tell us because they just cant say the right words?  i worry about that and always try and listen to every word she gets out and try to make real live words out of it, its like a guessing game.

my mom is now still in bed and eats little, she just looks out a window everyday cares nothing about life really. i have gave her a little stuffed dog that she now pets and talks half the night to, i cant wait to find her one that moves when she pets it or even a baby doll that has some kind of action to it so she can love them and feel like they are real.

my mom means the world to me and i want to do whatever i can to live a somewhat good life in her bed and in her own world.

[Tuckamore]

I am so sorry I missed your post!! We relocated (to our winter home) and I have had issues with my laptop and internet connection.

I wish I knew what they were trying to say... most of the time I think they don't actually know themselves. Sadly when dementia is first beginning many patients are aware of what is happening to them. However I have been told that as time goes on they no long understand what is happening to them or what is happening around them. I pray that is true.

I think it is kinder to allow them to remain in their world and make them as content and comfortable as possible. I know it's heartbreaking. So many of my patients families would tearfully say things like, "Is my mom in there somewhere?" .... or ... "Where has my Dad gone?"

How are you doing? How's your mom? You have taken on a huge challenge. It's so important to take care of yourself. Of course you love your mother but don't be afraid to take breaks from caring for her. It will renew your energy.

I am glad that the dog brings her comfort. She must have loved them in her active years.

((HUGS)) to You,
Tuck

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

hi, been a while since i have been in here , things are still about the same to me but the nurses of mom says shes crossing over soon. not sure i see all that as she still eats some days and does not seem to be a whole lot worse.

she does talk less that we understand and now when i sit by her bed and talk to her she makes no since to me at all but am sure to her shes saying all the right things and i agree with her and go on. i try to talk about what ever comes out of her sweet mouth. strange thing is she can always say back to me how much she loves me, Praise The Lord it keeps me hanging in there .


you know mom still seems to understand us so i think she still knows whats going on around her i think, some days are harder to see that.

i ask her every day where was she when i came to visit her and she gives me a i dont know so i tell her i knew she had to go to the mall and pick up a few pairs of pants for dad. she just smiles and says yes. i dont want her to feel like shes laying in a bed and wasting away (even though she is) i want her to think shes helping us out and doing all the things she did as a wife and mother, it puts smiles on her face and i can see light in her eyes so i know she belives she really did everything i tell her she did.

i hope your doing good , and i hope your holidays were good, i know they were Sad without Dear Dad but hes in your heart forever.

my mom will play with my long hair and i tell her mom you made that hair, she just beams, i will forever have her smile and her sweet shinny eyes , in my mind as how proud she is that she had me and how close we are.

its been 5 months now since mom walked, its not been easy taking care of her needs, but i will be there every step of the way , i promised her i would take good care of her and for her never to worry i would never put her in a home (she ask me one day if we were) and that she would always be safe and warm in my Home.

[Tuckamore]

Just reading your update. SORRY I am tardy to reply. It's sometimes difficult for me to return to the Caregivers Forum.  I still have bad days, bad moments of grief.

How's your mom doing? She is so very blessed to have your love and care. I know how long and difficult some days can be when you Primary Caregiver as you are and I was!!!  I want to impress upon you how important it is to take care of you too.

I believe your mom has some level of understand too. I also believe that she knows she is with you and you are keeping your promise. You are a wonderful daughter. I am certain she loves you and is extremely grateful!

I'll look forward to hearing from you again.

(((HUGS)))
~Tuck

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

your words make me feel good about myself thank you . its ok i understand why you dont want to come on, i know your missing your Dad.
we have already called 911 for her she was having trouble breathing, she is so weak she could not get her food up or down, so we spent 4 days in the hospital, she perked up with all the fuilds they gave her and good meds, but now shes been home for 3 weeks and looks like shes going down again, sorry to say but hospic is not here to help us keep her well just to make sure shes in no pain. she really could use the fuilds once a week. sad we cant give ourself.

how do you like your new place? was it a job change why you moved? hope your settled and alls going great for you. God Bless you and thanks for talking. Barbara

[D3termined]

God bless you! I take care of my Mom as well.