relationship problems

[lindsey1001]

hi im wondering if anybody can help me? ive been in a relationship for 3 years now. everything started off so well like it always does. my boyfriend was a heroin addict for 7 years untill i got together with him. he stopped doing heroin and everything was perfect hes such a friendly and loving person without any drug or alcohol. one day we had a huge arguement over something stupid. and he went and done heroin because he felt down. i couldnt get him off it for 3 months. i was so sad and down all the time. everyday i hated.  and couldnt bare watching him kill himself. i was so in love with him and couldnt stay away. he used to be so mean to me when he was on it but i know the drugs done that to him.but the way he was with me has stuck with me even now. i was so distroyed when he started doing heroin again. i told him i would stay at my mums for 2 weeks and i split up with him, i said i will come back to him if he sorted himself out. we still talked to eachother in this time on the phone. i also would get in contact with his mum to make sure he wasnt using while i stayed away. he didnt use all that time until the day before i was ment to come back to him. i was so upset i felt like killing myself. he broke my heart when i found out he wanted to do it just one last time before i come back. anyway that was the very last time he touched it. he was on methodone for a year and got himself off it with my help too. hes been off heroin for 2 years now and i thought i would be so happy. we have done so much together like holidays and going out with friends and have had alot of fun. but he can never control his drinking i will go to a club or pub with him and look forward to a good night out. he would get so drunk that he would just pass out anywhere. i always had to take him home and i could never enjoy myself. then one day it all changed and we just argued all the time over silly thing. i would get more and more down about my whole life and started to think is it worth staying with him. i always put it off because he is the only guy i have ever adored and loved so much apart from my dad. so i would carry on the relationship and pretend i was fine. in the end i started to tell my boyfriend i was getting upset and alot of the time he used to get so mad. and i could never talk to him about it. so i was afraid to mention my feelings to him. sometimes he would be understanding but alot he would get angry. i sometimes cry myself to sleep when i think about how much i feel hurt. we thought that maybe we spent to much time together so we thought it would be better if i stayed at my mums for 3 days a week. will sometimes do that now too. that started off well but then we still argued too much. we ended up both staying in together not going out with friends and drinking every weekend and argueing badley. he would sometimes get violent and grab me or push me. pull my hair and scream terrible names at me. we would make up the next day and i would always run back to him. i care for him so much and i am afraid off what life would be like without him. i dont think he relises how much i get hurt or how much i love him. i cant wait to see him when he comes home from work i get so excited to see him. i have his dinner ready i make his lunch for work. i try to have a conversation with him sometimes and its like talking to a brick wall. i feel lonely and not wanted. when he comes in from work he spends ages in the bath he spends ages doing everything and by the time he has settled down hes tired and goes to bed straight away. we hardley talk we hardley have sex anymore. but everytime i say im going to split up with him. hes seems so sad and he says he loves me with all his heart. i believe he does but he doent realise what hes doing to me. i feel so sad all the time and i noticed i have put on alot of weight. i need advice and i can guess what your probley going to say. most people say dont stay with someone who keeps upsetting you. easyier said than done. its the hardest thing i ever have too put up with. please please help.

[margypops]

The substance Abuse Forum may be good for this question or the Abuse Forum, sorry we didnt answer you sooner, good luck

[caregiver222]

The advice is to leave this loser and find yourself some happiness with someone who appreciates you. You are not responsible for him, and his heroin addiction is beyond something which you can control. He is apparently a violent abusive drunk and an addict going nowhere fast, and you are in the front car of his train to hell.  The drawbridge is out and the signal is red and he ain't slowing down. And you aren't the engineer.

If he "loved" you he would stop drinking and get off the booze.

Staying with this guy one more minute, if what you allege are the facts, is plan stupid.

Maybe that's not what you wanted to hear, but you asked.

[cath81]

Have you tried going for counselling? The right person may be able to advise you on what to do... I understand it's very hard to leave someone whom you love dearly, but you do need to protect yourself... Try to persuade him to see a counsellor if you can... You are not trained to help, so it's best to leave it in the hands of someone who is experienced... It's not wise to let yourself get sucked into it together... You don't have to leave him for good, you can still be around for him as a friend until he has resolved his issues...

[dollyn]

hi I am so sorry you are going threw this.

go to this site.womansavers.com and sign up there and there are a lot of woman there that have been threw all sort of things.

I say to get your self away you can be the one to safe him,his family should be there to help him.and he can only safe him self and he has to want it.

[highflyer800]

Hello caregiver222 I'm sorry but everyone I contacted could not help with Huangdai Tablets
I will keep trying.

[Tuckamore]

Hello Lindsey,

This thread was posted in February, some five months ago. I can't help but notice you have never posted again.

Are you still here and if so how are you doing?

Best Regards,
Tuck

[vision271]

Lindsay posted only once and has never posted again, anywhere on Med Help. If you wanted to bive her some resources, you could try a note or private message.