stressed out !!!!

Hi my name is Brooke I am 32 and I have been taking care of my grandmother for about 17 months now.  She as mini strokes and heart problems with moderate dimentia (dementia).  She has 4 kids who could only agree on one thing that they all wanted her in a nursing home but she said she didnt want to go so I move her in with me.  I have a small house though so we had to build her a suite as we lovingly call it.  She is still pretty self sufficient .  I make her meals, do her meds, her cleaning, all her bills and provide 24/7 care and monitoring.  The first issue was that I have 2 small children (10 and 5) and my husband makes 15k a yr so figurng out how to afford to provide round the clock care was a challenge,  After spending 200+ hours cleaning out her home of 50 years myself, we sold it and she said se wanted to pay me mothly to be home with her.  I am wondering do I claim it so if I need help (medicare) evetually I can get it or no?? I have done this alone for 17 months with no breaks and a now so anxious and sick that most days I feel I am losing my mind. Everyone is mad at me, and I feel so alone and while I love doing this for her  feellike I have lost a part of me.  I am depressed  -- I am a state certified CNA and have worked in the field for 5yrs before taking care of her.  Please help

[Tuckamore]

Hello Brooke,

Please forgive my very tardy response to your post. Are you  still monitoring this forum? If so let me know and I will do my best to respond to your questions.

My Best,
~Tuck

[BROOKE62]

I am still monitoring, u could send me a message too, they come right through on my phone. Thank you

[Tuckamore]

Hi Brooke,

Thanks for letting us know you are still monitoring.

First, Bless your heart for being brave enough and having enough love in your heart to take on the challenge of caring for your dear grandmother. I did the same for mine, although in the end I had to let her go to a nursing home. I could not keep up with the physical demands. Your situation is not unusual...though I know how very alone you must feel right now!

I don't have the "legal" answers for claiming the money your grandmother gives you. If SHE claims the money, obviously you will have to also.

My grandmother and later my dad paid small amounts to me for room and board. I mean small amounts. I was told I did not have to claim it as income. But remember it was a very small amount....not even close to 400 a month. You best bet to to ask a tax preparers that question. You can do so anonymously.

Caregiving is a very tough job! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If it weren't everyone could do it. All of us get tired, worn out and stressed. It is near impossible to do alone, without some kind of support.  

I encourage you to look into options. Your local county social service office should have information for you. Your grandmother may be eligible for support benefits, such as Home Health Care. Medicare will cover this in some situations. How is her medical condition?

Your family is angry for many reasons. In my opinion one of them are that you have the strength and gift to care for grandmother and they don't or won't. That makes them face that fact. It doesn't make them bad or weak, it makes them different then you. Some ppl can just not be Caregivers...and shouldn't be!

Please seek assistance. You need support. You also need to get out.....if nothing more then to return to work a day or two a week. If that is not feasible then look to support groups or other similar options. They are out there.

I had days similar to yours. It's normal. You are not a failure. Please keep in touch. If you have additional questions please feel free to ask. Most importantly we are here to support you!!  We do know the challenges you are facing.

My heart goes out to you.
Blessings,
~Tuck

[medmine]

Bless your heart, and good luck, Brooke!

[angel7085]

I know how you feel In may of 2010 my Mother in law passed sudenly she was the care giver of my Father in law who had a brain anerizam and the sergeiry to fix it then had a stroke so he moved in with us. I have a 5 year old as well. My father in law suffers from siezurs very vilont ones. At the ssame time my Mom was fighting cancer and had been for two years and was starting to really need help so thier I was taking care of both of them and my son by myself.  I myself am not in good heath and still dont know why I ran myself so raggied and got so deppressed that I thought about taking mylife then I looked at my mom who was fighting so hard to save hers and feelt even worse we had to put my father in law in a home in November last year it was no longer safe to have him here(we miss having him here) when I was making that desseagen(which was made easer because of my son I woke up in the middle of the night and my father in law was by the wood stove door wide open flames shouting out every were on the floor having a seizer) I relized if u dont take care of yourself first who is going to take care of your loved one if u end up in the hospital or some thing after he left I spent every waking min with my mom and manynights waking my son up getting him dressed at like 1 am and heading over thier because she needed me she passed this last may I was by here side when she took her last breath but if I would not have choose my sons safty first but my meantl heath and moved his dad to an awsome home I cuold not have( I'm not saying to put her in a home) just remember your family needs you as well I forgot that