when to give up

[linda633]

Guess you could say i;m new. been to many sites.My husband has active Heb c,cirrioss auto-immune, ESLD, first stage kidney disease, and diabetic.This all became active 10 years ago when he was in ER. Turned out he had alcohic pnomia,which i guess "turned'' everything on. He got Hep C at 16, before there was a name other than non-a or non-b. By now,of course, we know Hep C. Ten years ,even his Dr are suprised. It's sad at how many ppl stay in denial when they find something out so bad about themselves,huh? Nothind changed for a while. Then small things. I took control of dr visits, specialist, everything. He,continued to drink. We, i use ''we'' because i do all research, all answeres to dr. EVERYTHING! My life is his life.WE have been thru 3 evulations at UCLA. The one this spring, he pulled a muscle in his lung, and it was catch up all summer. I'm doing all these things knowing he is not going to get a liver, his only hope. why should he? He still drinks some, not as much because it finally makes him so sick. There are so many other ppl out there who would not abuse a new liver, and ,sadly, i don't know,if he would, but i think so. I know he is running out of time. I'm in this alone,most family members don't know he still drinks. So, i enlighten them. He is ready to leave this world,he is sick every day. and so tired. Many days he never gets out of bed. I also care alot for 3 of my grandkids. My daughter has Valley Fever, and summers are hard for her. But, she makes life hard forhehself too. I guess my question is, how do i let go? I know God is in charge of that. I also believe God's got something for him to finish and he wont open his heart and eyes to HIM. Maybe i just need a place of my own to vent some of this,whatever i have.A place where other ppl are going thru some of the same things? Linda

[margypops]

Yes you do need somewhere to vent and you have come here, I am new to this forum I usually am part of the child behavior Forum, however I have some input,I have had something similar in my life not as bad I have to add, I think you have to accept the inevitable more than the letting go, you are caring for him, and it is possible that this is as good as it gets, it would be good to simply allow him to be, otherwise the advice and the care is for nothing, we keep on trying and if it works thats good but if it doesnt ,take a step back and let the dice fall where they may. I dont mean this to sound as if you should give up on him, I simply believe you have to take a step back, let it alone and see what happens. Get life going for you aswell as a caregiver you need some time to be you, sounds like you have to get tough and find out how you can help,... you. Good luck keep in touch

[linda633]

Thank you for input. Was so glad to hear from someone. I think it must of been meant to come from you! Am trying to step back ,tho for me its a little at a time. My husband and i are so close, it feels like i'm dying with him. He keeps asking me what I'm gonna do when he's gone. Wants me to go back to OK where my mom and dad are. But i would surely miss the beach! And the life we have here. And of course, my drandbabies. I have a couple of questions about 2 of my grand kids. Should i go to your other site? Well i have my 2 year old yhis morning, and she's not letting me get much done. Enjoy talking to you, hope you get some time to talk with me. Best to You, Linda

[margypops]

Always have time to talk to you Linda , we have all been through stuff ,we understand that is the beauty of places like Medhelp we come for help, and give help in return..Sorry for your husband does he want to natter aswell, its okay, I have a ton of empathy and compassion, I have enough for all of America!! Also Linda I meant it that you take a step back and a deep breath and let those old dice fall where they may, could be lady luck is on your side .perhaps focus on what you and he have now, find solace in what you have had together, you have your god to talk to aswell. No you can PM me here or put itonto the child behavior Forum , chldren are my love and my expertise but I do use a couple of other forums...On a lighter note I am going to Newport Beach tomorrow so wont be here till the evening ,I am around most times to chat, I dont sleep much so I am on the PC at 4am... CA time