young (ish) caregiver

Hi, I am 25 year old female, whom alongside my partner take care of his mother, my future mother in law.
Mil is tetrapleagic, after contracting mrsa at one of our local hospitals. We have been looking after her for 3 and a half years now.
She is confined to a wheelchair, and can't do much for herself though she is as sound as a pound mentaly.
I myself, have a few health issues, as does my partner, we are not what you would classify as full time care givers as I work 5 days a week in accounts, aswell as for 6 months of the year attending college at weekends to obtain my accountancy qualification. My partner is self employed and can work up to 7 days a week.
We have recently in the past 12 months noticed that his mum relys on us more more and more, physically that is not an issue, I change her cathetar bag, and make sure she has her meds on time, if she is ill I have time off of work, if she requires a nurse during the night we sit up with her, but we do seem to be fighting her battles for her more and more. She seems to just accept what the nhs tells her and doesn't fight for more help or the right medication
We have carers come in 3 times a day to get her in and out of bed, morning and night, and some one at lunchtime to give her something to eat as me and my partner work.
I guess I don't know what question I'm asking really, but just wondered if there was anyone else out there in a similar situation especially regarding the dependancy of 'fighting their battles'
I would like to point out I don't begrudge doing this, but I can't understand why she won't say anything, potentially feeling vulnerable?! Anyway I don't know, ill stop babbling now lol! Thanks for taking the time to read this.

[Tuckamore]

Hello Kelly,

Welcome! You should be very proud of what you and your partner are doing for your future MIL. As you must know not many would take on the challenge. You have my admiration.

I cared first for my Grandmother in my home and then for my father some fifteen years later. Dad was in our home for eight years until his death last year. I don't regret on moment. However not matter how much we love them some days can be difficult.... and though caring for a loved one brings joy and gratification it can also present some major challenges

I am not sure what you mean when you say, "Fighting her battles." I would guess that most of us can't  imagine how draining it would be to spend three and a half years confined to a wheelchair and dependant upon others for most everything. It must impact your spirit and wear on your self-esteem. I would not be surprised if she is just plain tired of her physical situation. She may have lost her will to fight, understandably so.

Is your MIL have contact with friends? Is she in therapy of any type? Imagine what she has lost!! My heart goes out to her!  The will to "fight" is often more mental then physical. It's my guess she no longer has that "will" to fight.

I would suggest that you look into some therapy for your MIL. Maybe a good therapist will give you better insight  as to what is going on with your MIL. It will also provide her an outlet to share her inner feelings.... things a mother often can't share with a son.

Again you have my admiration. Bless you and your partner for the care you are extending to your future MIL. It sounds like you have a good support system but don't forget to take care of you.... and your relationship!

I hope you'll keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.... and how you resolve this situation.

Blessings,
~Tuck