Death of a cat...need some advice.

[msniki412]

My boyfriend's cat died yesterday. She was a mixed calico with another breed. She was roughly 20 years old, if not older. She started having breathing problems maybe about 2 or so weeks ago. If you picked her up, she would automatically do a gagging reflex as if she might have had a hair ball. Saturday, her breathing got worse. She would take really long deep breaths and by Sunday she was at her utter most worse. She was breathing with her mouth open, throwing up, not eating or sleeping. She couldn't lay down, because I guess of the pressure in her chest, it hurt her. She was not meowing like normal (she was very vocal...and yesterday she was quite). We all rushed her to the vet, but she died on the way to the office. It was really hard on everybody. The vet thinks she may have had a mass in her chest that just compressed everything and there was no saving her even if we got her in early.

My boyfriend is taking this really hard. I don't want him to slip into a depression state but I just don't know what to do to help. He feels it's his fault,because I noticed her breathing odd weeks ago...and he didn't do anything until it was too late. He knew that she was in pain because you could see it in her face when she left us, you knew she was gasping for air because her mouth was wide open. It was pretty bad. I keep telling him it would of been the same outcome, because they generally don't do surgery on animals with that type of problem. But he feels that if he took her in sooner, they would of told him the best option is to put her to sleep...instead of having her in pain. It hurts me to see him like this. I've been through this twice when I had cats...but I was young and we didn't have the cats as long as he had his cat. The doctor didn't do a full exam, so we don't know how big the mass was..and if she had it for a long time, or if this was just sudden. I feel like he is shutting me out, and I know that is the worse thing somebody could do after losing someone so close to them.

I just don't know what to do. I've said allot to hopefully make him feel better, but I just don't think it's getting through him. I'm afraid if I don't try to talk to him, it will just make things worse...but then I don't want to force him to talk if he doesn't want to. Any ideas on what to do?

[msniki412]

Thanks for sharing. He has cried infront of me before and even cried with me. I admit, I was really upset with his cat Cally when she died. I knew she was having problems, but nobody eles thought it was an issue. I really didn't think she would die like that. I figured, she was a strong little kitty and she would outlive everybody. That was the joke with my families first cat Tiger. She lived to be about 19 and was my grandma's morning coffee companion. My grandma had her cup of coffee and so did the cat. I was little when she died, maybe about 2...so I don't remember much of her. I just hope he can overcome the fear that he didn't do this to her. It wasn't his fault, it was nobodies fault.

[opus88]

Oh honey...he sees your concern just be patient he is grieving and feeling very responsible right now. he has to deal with this in his own way and hopefully will soon be ready to talk it through with you.
I was the same way with my husband when I lost my best buddy.
He had a heart murmur and had been on mediation for 3 years...one morning he had similar symptoms as your boyfriends cat, I called my Vet who was willing to come to the house...he said he was in congestive heart failure and we did put him down that morning.....it was a shock, he had been short of breath for awhile but not in distress till that morning.....I took it very hard too, he was 17 and my best friend.
Give your boyfriend some space for a bit, let him grieve he has to get through that period, some can share this very personal time in their lives and others cannot...maybe he feels embarrassed to cry in front of you too?
You will be there for him when he's more ready to talk about it....bless you for caring and understanding.