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Hello..

I am not able to access my old account at the moment. I have sent an email and am waiting for a response but I could not stand it any longer & I wanted to come here and tell you all that I am sorry. Please bear with me..I am a little choked up at the moment. This is hard. I want to say that all the prayers were heard ( Ill explain more later about that) and mean so much to me. I cant seem to find the right words to tell you how much that really means to me. I am going to explain in detail the events that preceded my suicide attempt here in the next few days. Maybe then you will understand kinda the frame of mind I was in & just what happened in general. I am so happy to be home! So for now,,Thank you! Each every one of you! I love you!

Bkitty
(((((hugs)))))
22 Comments Post a Comment
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((((BKITTY))))  You don't know me, but I want you to know that I am happy to hear that you are still with us.  I am happy for you, because I tried it, too, twice, and i'm still here.  Amen. - Blu
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Oh bkitty honey you have NO idea how great it is just to see your name pop up on our screen once again...God we've sure been praying hard for you girl. I am just thrilled to pieces to have you back with us and home once again..I bet those little critters missed you so much too...

We love you here, you gave us all a scare sweetheart.....please don't feel there is a need to explain, we've all been touched one way or another by suicide or attempts, we love you no matter what and need no explanation of anything unless its something you feel you need to do...all we want is to see you happy, whole and healthy...with that dear hubby who loves you so much..

take it one day at a time hon, slow and steady wins the race.....welcome homeā™„
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My dear, awesome, sweet Bkitty, there is no reason to be sorry.  Believe it or not, I completely understand how being overwhelmed can lead to such an action, as we are much alike. I am just happy to see you posting!  There is strength in numbers; strength in prayer, especially when so many come together, and I am grateful God heard us, and passed it along so you were able to feel our love, and gather the strength you needed to come back to your family and to us.  You are very dear to ALL of us, and we respect and love you more than you will ever know.  Please, just take it One Day at a Time; slow and easy, but most of all, let your dear husband take care of YOU for once.  Big Hug; Love you Girl~  ((Bkitty)))
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Thank You all so very much! I consider all of you like part of my family and I hold you close to my heart. I fell hard. I relapsed a week before my attempt. Fell very hard. Today I am off to register for outpatient. I was so glad to come home to my babies! They ALL slept in the bed with us last night! 5 kitties & One puppy! It felt so good. Beener slept on my head! Tony said that he has been very down since Ive been gone. He was prolly so confused since Zachary is gone then me for a while. I put him on his leash and we sat outside for a while last night and he just rolled around in the grass and was so content! Our poor puppy has a fractured paw from Tony stepping on him! But he is still a little Morkie Monster! He has scratches all over him from the kitties scratching him!!!!!! Poor baby!
I am taking it one day at a time. I want you to know that from the bottom of my heart you mean the world to me! Thank you so so much. Pips I loved seeing all the progress your kitties are making! I missed those updates and I got caught up last night! I had a huge smile on my face!! Keep posting them I look forward to seeing that! Thank You!!!
((((hugs))))
Bkitty
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Hey kid;

Good to see your photons on the screen again.

Been to that Black Abyss, luckily, did not jump in...we are part of your team here.

I am so glad to read that the doings of Teia, Hildie and Chessie brought you smiles.  They are great little fur pers.  Teia update to follow.
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we are so very happy to have you back with us my dear lady.....yes you did fall hard, I think when so many things overwhelm us that black hole just seems to creep in and take over....
we are just so very greatful you are getting the help you need and will continue to improve, both mentally and physically..we sure don't want to loose you hon. neither does you dear hubby and all the furry kids who depend on you so very much....You ARE their mommy don't forget.

Yes its all one day at a time, find yourself lots of resources to reach out too just incase you find yourself slipping once again..you are in a very fragile state right now, don't expect everything to return to the normal for quite sometime...give yourself TIME honey, it will be your best friend.....and please forgive yourself too, you are only human with many issues on your shoulders, learn to cope with all the negatives in you life and not seek a way out as a solution.

love you dear, and hope we see lots of posts from you.....
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Thank You Opus,Pips,Jade & Blu,,I think of all of you here on this kitty forum as like a second mother & father to me. How you all jumped over to the SA forum to support my husband and I meant so much to me. Then to know that you all understood how I was feeling helped also. Im happy to report that I made it yesterday and after a good night sleep last night I feel a teeny tiny bit more optimistic about today. The sun is shining in my room right now. We got Beener a square bed of his own and put it between Tony and I and he slept in it alllll night long. Instead of him pillow hopping back and forth from his to mine all night long waking us! LOL. Beener doesn't like when we cuddle he has to be right in the middle of it! He will even bite my husband. He sure loves his momma~All the kitties have been very clingy since I got home and are fighting for lap time. Pepper is sprawled in my lap now and Milo is moving in. It feels good to pet them and hear them purr. I do believe now that animals do have souls despite what I have been told. I feelthey are capable of loving us and feel being loved. I will post some more pics eventually on my new profile. I still have not heard from them about my old one. That's ok -its a new start! Work called me and one of my patients has a barn full of brand new kittens 3 litters!! They need homes or they were going to dispose of them (God I cant dwell on that my heart breaks ) so I may be adding a new addition next week. A little black and white kitten-they sent me a pic about 4 weeks old. I already have a name picked out if my hubby says yes....Sylvester. I guess we will see what happens. Thank You all so very much!
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Honey,I cant believe you are already getting new babies!!
Are you really fast, Uh?
You know what? I had an uncle that comitted  suicide a few years ago. He was "sucessful" in his plan- and it means NOTHING for me!
Not a single tear!
He was conceited and stubborn when younger,the last times he had got some new bad adjetives to join those.
The more I tried, the only I can remember about him it was how hard he was with me after my Retina Detachment,period quite bad when I had just MH and later Loreena to help me.
If some try and are rescued on time, I really hope can be ALWAYS people like YOU!
YOU ARE IMPORTANT FOR THE WORLD, SOME GUYS ARE TRASH.

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Hoorah Bkitty,

Sylvester is a fine name for a tuxedo kitty.  Anita had two when she was younger, Sylvester and then Sylvester Junior (who I knew as Junior).
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So sorry you tumbled into that dark place...but so happy that you are posting here again.  Isn't the cat forum the best?  I've posted my serious non kitty stuff here too.  

Do take it easy...we all agree it takes time and support to get back to a level place...
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We didn't get him just yet. Our new puppy is a little monster and I am afraid that he will hurt him. They had ANOTHER litter born this past weekend! 10 kittens. I am so afraid of whats to come for these babies. I cant think about that. They have 7 barn cats and live on a farm in the middle of no where. I really want the little black and white one but I am hesitant. Its not fair to my other babies and we added a puppy and they still are trying to understand that. LOL We shall see I guess.
((hugs))
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Do what you need to kid.  I've been long impressed at the depth of your heart for others, save some of that for you.
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I agree with Pip, honey....you've got tons on your shoulders right now, you have a heart big enough to want to save them all...the reality is this just isn't possible, take care of YOU right now and the little ones you have already taken in...In my opinion thats plenty for just now:))
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I'm afraid I'm with Pip and Opus, honey.  You've got a lot of responsibility as it is.  A LOT.  But this is for you to decide, and we will support whatever you choose to do. :)

(((Bkitty2)))
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I think its too much right now. I noticed my kitty Milo was drinking tons of water the last few days and we took him to the vet tonight and he has a bladder infection. Poor baby. They stuck the needle straight thru his belly into his bladder to pull the urine out. I had no idea that was ok to do without an ultrasound to guide...anyways it showed blood in the urine and his blood work showed he was a little dehydrated. He has been eating the dog food and not his food. Tony didn't monitor it to much when I was gone. He had enough on his plate with me. He was put on amoxicillin suspension but I just gave him his first dose and he literally made himself vomit and now he wont even come to me. He has GOT to eat his food! All the boys are on a renal/urinary diet. Our puppy will only eat the cat food now. Go figure. LOL The puppy has claw marks all over him from Elmo "playing" with him and that caused a bacterial infection on his chest and another yeast infection in his ears from Elmo cleaning him. He has to get this spray on his skin now 2 times a day. So I think a baby kitten is too much right now. LOL. Gotta make sure my babies stay healthy!
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What about some treats just to get something in his tummy?  Is the renal food, WET food?  Very important.  If not, try adding some water to the bottom of the bowl.  I know when I do this with Jade, she automatically laps it up.  Give Milo a bit to calm down, then try again.  

I'm happy you decided Not to get another kitty.  A baby kitten is So tempting; you are just the best at caring for those little ones, but yes, too much right now, and important to keep an eye and care for the ones you already have.

I'm sorry for Milo's pain, and the added stress.  Hugs, girl~
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yes I've had my kitties bladder aspirated before without an U/S...as long as its a skilled Vet its okay...

Bkitty I hope they did a C&S culture to be sure there is definitely an infection present??? blood in the urine does not always indicate there is one...sometimes its more to do with crystals than an infection, did the Vet measure his PH? since they are dry fed and he is a male, I would highly suspect crystals.....the Vets are notoriously bad for prescribing antibiotics before confirming bacteria is present....(not unlike some human doc's eh)...

make sure he has plenty of water to drink, and try some wet food this will help tons...to flush his bladder.

soooo glad mommy is home, daddy tried his very best but he's just not up on things in that regard...
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just sending this info along bkitty......

http://www.peteducation.com/article.cfm?c=1+2142&aid=2729
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i should of added....my thoughts on some of their recommendations re: prescription diets...they are garbage!!!! and they are all dry foods!!! that is the worst thing in the world to feed to a cat with sturvite crystals b/c the very cause of these crystals is dehydration...and dry food contributes to this and causes crystals to form, believe me I have a boy with this issue...the only thing that has kept him going these last two years is switching OFF dry food entirely!!!
I can send you more proof of this if you want to read.....Vets are blind to their darn Vet diets and what they recommend for feeding...urinary diets are all wrong....just give him canned food!!!!!

this is what they say in that article and its sooo wrong

Those diets that are designed to actually dissolve urinary stones include Hill's s/d, Royal Canin Dissolution, and Royal Canin Urinary SO. Hill's s/d should only used on a short-term basis, however, since it is not balanced for long-term use. Those diets that are available to help prevent stones and crystal formation in cats that are susceptible to them include Purina CNM UR-Formula, Royal Canin Urinary SO, Royal Canin Control, and Hill's c/d, w/d, and r/d. All of these diets have a balanced level of the minerals that make up the crystals such as magnesium and phosphorous. In addition to being formulated to produce an acid urine, they are also formulated to produce more dilute urine, so crystals are less likely to form. The diets are available through your veterinarian.

believe me clinics get kick back from these manufacturers....
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Good to see you writing again, positive thoughts to you, kitties and pup...AND your hubby.

One day at a time kid, one day at a time...take life in small bites so you don't get indigestion again.
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Thanks guys! Well after Zachary died I stopped the wet foods. The vet was happy with what I was feeding them. I feed them Purina One Urinary Tract Formula-dry food. I have fed them that for years. When Zachary was alive towards the end (last year) he would only eat the wet food. So in addition to spltting a few cans of wet food they ate that and the dry food. I will do more research into the diet. Yes he did a culture. No crystals. I learned all that from you here!! So I did ask for that-the final culture wasn't back yet but its a bacterial infection. I guess. He is on amoxicillin.
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Read first on your comment about Milo throwing up medicine an posted a few there
Loreena is alike, you better ask your vet for some pills ( or no) to be given previously to the Amoxillin.
One of my vets say Amoxillin alone is not so good so he prescribe one plus Clavulato.Vet opinions,forget about.
Those antib  suspensions have quite bad taste and they cause my girl to foam,throw up  and hate me as well.
Milo will be back to accepting  things, dont worry.
Good recover you all!
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