When I get my bearings again-I can explain more. He was in pancreatic, liver & kidney failure. Not sure if this was acute from drinking the blue bleached toilet water or something chronic. He had a checkup the other day and there were not any indications then so I don't know. What I do know is that he was in pain. And they were not sure if "flushing" his system would help or not. He was 13. I think he has been ill for a while off and on. The weight loss, vomiting intermittently, the seizure last month. Im handling it ok. So far. My husband was a blubbering mess and all I wanted to do was punch him. I loved him very much. Its so painful but in a way I was prepared for this. With my babies being older/senile you love on them all you can while you still can. I said goodbye to him. I couldn't stay to watch. I knew that would kill me. We took Beener up there to see him too. They were buddies. Ill go thru the details later. If your cat/dog drinks out of the toilet please don't put those tablets that turn it blue and bleach them in it!! That ultimately is what killed my baby boy. I am so MAD at the hubby for putting them in the toilets at the new house. When he bought them I argued with him and said its not a good idea because Zachary & Elmo drink out of the toilet! His comment was "Put the lids down then!" Well funny,,it was HIS toilet Zachary was caught drinking out of. I could kill him right now! We actually bought baby locks for the cabinets and the TOILETS yesterday at the store! But what is done is done. Its over now. I lost my baby.
I am so sorry, yes he was your baby...you love all your babies each is a special gift to us. Poor little Zachary, let that be a lesson for us all to learn...a hard lesson bkitty. We humans sometimes make very stupid mistakes, very unintentionally. Again I am so sorry for your loss♥
RIP little boy♥
Hindsight. Friend or Foe? Its funny now that all this is over I feel that maybe my baby boy has been sick for a while. :(( I want to say that it started about 2 years ago after the Easter grass incident. But Ive noticed over the past 6 months that something just wasn't right with my baby. The one thing that is standing out in my mind is how he was always soooo thirsty. I took it as him being picky and only wanting to drink out of the faucet/bathtub because he preferred that over bowl water. We had to leave the faucets trickling all the time and everytime I used the bathroom he was right there wanting water and when I flushed the toilet he was right there looking in the toilet getting water. He has been to the vet several times-blood work was normal. He was checked for diabetes/thyroid-normal. Ever since I caught him drinking the blue bleached toilet water I noticed increased thirst and a lot of vomiting. He "seemed" ok and was still eating-was reassured from the vet that he should be ok and the bleach was probably diluted enough to not do any harm. He got really sick over the weekend-Sat night. All I know is my baby was in pancreatic, liver and renal failure. He was hurting. He looked so frail. He looked like he just didn't feel good. We snuggled last night and he slept with me. He also has been very clingy to me for a while now. Now,,I know why. :( Now they could have done IV fluids for a few days and flushed out his system. There was no gaurenttee that would even work. He would have had an IV catheter in his arm and that is painful for humans let alone a kitty. Now I wish I would have stayed in the room with him as they put him down. But I didn't think I could handle that. Id be haunted with his death face for years. I know my mind-how I replay things over and over and I just couldn't watch that. I kinda feel like I let him down. That he needed me there. And I wasn't. Dang it this f-ing hurts so bad!
My husband is in the dog house right now and he knows that. Hell he was a blubbering mess worse than I was! He kept asking me "am I sure about this" I finally told him to shut the F*ck up and if he asked me that one more time I was going to punch him ;) This was about me and my baby boy. Im the momma and I know what is best! Heck he hated the cats when we first started going out. Now he is attached. Go figure. Lets see what did he tell me when he insisted on those tablets in the toilet " Well if they drink out of it and die they die!". Believe me I made him taste those words he spit out at me today. I told him not to get that stuff! I knew it would be a hazard for Zachary and I knew he or my step daughter would forget to close the lid!! I ought to make him drink that water see how he feels! Im just angry. I know that. I know that is a part of grieving too. Time will heal this wound and our marriage. When I started looking up the symptoms of renal failure in cats a light bulb went off in my head. I do think my baby was sick for a while. God I wish they could talk. I took a picture of Zachary the other day and his eyes tell me he was sick and tired. I looked at it tonight and just knew he was trying to tell me. Again,,all in hindsight. It just s*cks!
Hi Bkitty...honey, you know, you have posted about Zachary several times. Hearing your observations, it does sound like he has been ill a while, it just wasn't showing up on tests. The toilet water incident could have simply pushed an underlying issue over the edge...or not...we will never know. Zachary was your PICA baby, so this could have been due to Anything.
You did everything right, Bkitty, everything. To say you are a fabulous Mommy to your boys is an understatement. Please, no regrets or wishing you had of done things differently, as that serves no purpose.
You have had an overwhelming month with the move, and now this. I know this is not the forum to bring this up, but maybe a meeting would help? Again, my friend, so deeply sorry this happened.
This is so painful. I just want to see him one more time. Hold him. Tell him how much he meant to me and that I love him. I should have stayed with him. I feel like he is lost and scared and wondering where his momma was. He needed me. I wasn't there at the end. I feel like is scared and lost and not at peace. He's looking for me. He needs me. I just need to see him one more time. God I hate this. This is so hard. I want my baby boy back. I just need to feel him. I need to feel he is ok. I just feel he isn't! He NEEDS me!!!
Hon, he needs you to be calmer, maybe he's just telling you he miss you the same you do.You know we do get this kind of link with our beloveds.
Zachary is not suffering anymore for physical pains and he knows you did your best for him.The only thing that can be bothering him now is too feel her mon is soo sad an he also can do nothing about.
Prays for him and for you, try to focus on good moments you were together, not a few final ones when you was not there.
You both still have each other - inside the hearts and this will last forever.
Your boy will get rest if you get some as well.He would love see you keep on going and taking care of his brothers.
I know its all quite hard too face/to do.Hugs!
I just wanted to say that Im so sorry for your loss but please stop beating yourself up over your decision to not be in the room. Zachary knows you love him with your entire being. He also knows what type of life he could have had if you didn’t rescue him that special day. Zachary remembers this every single day (as do all your other babies) that is why he showed you his special kind of love every day. It was his way of thanking you for saving him. He viewed it as he was in debt to you and he wanted you know he was very thankful. That is why he hid his illness from you, he didn’t want to upset you. All you did was give him permission to let go of the pain which let him know his debt to you was paid in full. You made a very hard decision and it was the ultimate act of kindness. You both loved each other very much, just remember your other babies in your time of need.
I had to put my girl of 15 years down 1 year ago this month so I can relate to your pain. I still cry but things do get easier after time, that I can promise you that. You will always miss him but the ache you feel now will ease off and fond memories will fill its place. Take care of yourself & your other babies….
Thank You everyone! Its been a week and a day. I finally stopped crying. I stopped when I realized what my main regret was (not staying and holding him) and realized I cant go back but what I can do is be better prepared and knowledgeable about the process when I have to face it again. I have to go thru this 5 more times eventually. Ive been preparing for Beener for a while as he is 17. I know I may wake up or come home one evening and he will no longer be here. So I want a plan in place. That's my OCD kicking in. Today we take the new puppy -which im slowly bonding with as he bit my nipple half off last night- to the vet. I want to talk about Beener's "death plan". I need a better name. I want Beener to die at home and by that I mean I want the Vet to come here and put him down at his home when its time. Ill know when its time. I knew it was Zachary's time. As soon as he spouted off those labs-I knew. As soon as he said pancreatic, liver and renal failure I about sh*t my pants! I take care of patients on hospice with that and they are sooooooooooo sooooooo sick. I can only imagine how my Zachary was feeling. Its amazing how cats try to hide their illness. I want it to be different with Beener. I want it to be peaceful, calm and his passing easy. Am I being unrealistic? Probably. We are talking about a cat! LOL. I just know now what and how I want it. I know what my part needs to be, what part the Vet plays and so on. I think our vet will be on board. On another note Bosco the puppy is a handful! Wow!
hi hon, I'm like you I like to be prepared...when something out of our control happens suddenly/unexpectedly we panic. I am glad you are dealing with Zachary's death better as the days go by...you did what you could handle at the time, thats all we can do.
Grief is the price we pay for love isn't it....and yes when we have pets we will have to be prepared to go thru this many times over the years, it doesn't get easier...but it does help to have a plan like you are making for Beener. I too had our Vet come to the house for my Opus when I knew his time had come...he'd been doctoring for so long and got sooo stressed by going to the clinic that I wanted his last hour to be as peaceful as possible. and by our Vet coming to the house it was...still sad/emotional but the very easiest on Opus.
I will send you a site that talks about all this and how to prepare.....
Bosco sounds like a little darling, you do like to have your hands full girl:))
I think it's good you'll be preparing yourself for the inevitable. What about Beeners 'End of Life' plan?
I was with my next door neighbor when he had his Vet come to the house to put his dog down several yrs ago. I was very close to this dog for 11yrs, so it was an honor when my husband and I were asked if we wanted to be there. Buster was a beautiful Golden Retriever who had battled cancer for 6 months. He had not eaten in several days at that point, so it was time. Bkitty, it was the most peaceful experience having it done in the privacy of ones home. There was no rush; we were all outside in the backyard; my neighbor had Busters head cradled in his lap, we all pet him and comforted him till the moment the shot was given. Once the injection is given, it is very quick and painless, with the animal going peacefully to sleep. It is not scary at all. He just looked like he was sleeping, so no 'death face'. We left shortly after so my neighbor could have some last moments of privacy. Wow, it's been yrs, and I'm crying just typing this out. The Vet took Busters body out on a stretcher to the van. He was cremated, then returned to my neighbor in a beautiful little box with his name on it. I'm telling you, if you have to put your animal down, a home euthanasia is the way to go for sure.
I hope you're feeling better hon. A new puppy, wow, I hope it's not too much with everything else in your life. I am sure your husband had loving intentions, but if it's too much, I hope you'll speak up. I am just worried about you, is all. xoxo
Beener is now on "Pawspice". It is offered thru our vet and he will come to the house when Beener needs him. They also have a tech/therapist come monthly to evaluate Beener and check in. They are going to bring their new laser machine to do treatments on Beener's hips for the arthritis. Im happy that we have it all worked out Today I spent over $100 at Petsmart for Bosco and the kitties. They all have new toys and treats. We had a good family pet evening. Elmo and Bosco are buddies! Prob because Elmo wants his food! Bosco was laying in a blanket and Elmo came over and laid next to him and started making biscuits on Bosco's back! It was cute. Me and the puppy are bonding. It all happened when I puked from picking up the wormy poo! I think its time me and the hubby start trying for a baby again! ;) Otherwise I am going to be on a TV show about animal hoarders LOL!
"Pawspice"...I love that. And wow, what a great Vet you have! I hope the treatment will help his painful hips, poor baby. You sound better with a plan in place, Bkitty. I am thinking of a plan for Jade, but our Vet doesn't do home euthanasia.
Okay then, it sounds like all is well; you are bonding nicely and it's not too much for you. I'm glad. :)
Man, I would of freaked out too, seeing all those worms, I mean Ahhhh....lol
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