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Change

Change takes time...more time than I have had patience for.   Life has other plans and no matter how much I might wish to "snap my fingers" and be more mature....it isn't realistic to expect it to work like that.  So, I am in the midst of shedding a lot of garbage in thinking as well as in living.

I am about to be separated from the majority of things that I clung to that became one of the reasons I stayed in my marriage.  I was a collector of stuff and accumulated things to occupy time and space.  Now I have the courage and reasons to let go.

My hope is that the view to see more clearly and have victory over the weaknessess within me will there as I take hold of new steps.
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Avatar universal
I think it's awesome that you want to change for the new person in your life, but whats most important, critical even, is you need to want to quit for you!  In my case, I wanted to change because of someone who has been in my life for the last 20 years.... and looking at that fact I realized that I really wanted to quit for me.

Change was important for me because I wasn't satisfied with what I had become and the baggage I was carrying around.  (It was all mental in my case)

What gave me the new found energy to get this done was the thought of a new me.... or actually, the old me!  I knew that person was still in there.  I was not out to invent a "new" me.  I had done that and that was the baggage I wanted to rid myself of.  This sounds like where you are at, and I think its awesome that you found this spot in life!  I know what you feel like when saying not having the energy to keep dragging this around with you.... That is what you channel into making you get past this.  Keep in mind, it is a work in progress.  You know, life is a work in progress.  When we aren't progressing, that's when we become stagnant, and that wears us down.

There's so much more out there for all of us, and receiving it as the true "us" just seems so much more fulfilling.  At least it does for me.  In the end, I think you will enjoy the journey.  I think you will enjoy the small victories.... they in turn add into larger victories.  And what makes it really nice for you is, you do have someone to share the ride with you!

I love to share what I've learned.  If I can be of help or support, you can find me here.

Take care, and happy travels!
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Avatar universal
:-)  Thanks for sharing & replying.  I think I get what you are trying to say and appreciate it.

Part of the push in my own life to change is the new person in my life who is frustrated by the way I am.  Even if I know I shouldn't get on a roller coaster ride to please someone else, the change I am seeking is letting go of all of garbage I have drug along the path for far too long and I am tired....just plain out weary of lugging it around.
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Avatar universal
I started this reply 3 times, and each was more long winded than the previous attempt.  I'd like to offer something that I learned in my therapy sessions and perhaps you an find some usefulness in it.  (It was an epiphany for me....)

There are a lot of things to remember about change, and that's why change cannot take place in a snap of the fingers.  I'll use the same analogy as my therapist used with me.  You are standing on a corner of a busy intersection,  You are with a friend, had done some shopping, and each corner has many people on it.  Out of nowhere, a snap of the fingers, a car careens out of control and hits a group of people.... (graphic, sorry but it adds weight).  You didn't actually see the accident, but can clearly see the aftermath.  The person you were with saw the whole thing......

Everyone on those 4 corners had a perception of what happened.  Even if 100 people were looking at it, they had a different perspective and no 2 descriptions of the event would be exactly alike.  

In that snap of the fingers, 100 people saw 100 things.  Even though this was a very short period of time, the events that led up to the event took far longer.  

With that in mind, thats what brought us to our current state.  Numerous things happened that led to this one event.  Our perception will be completely different than anyone elses.

How we deal with this is the key.  We can only control "the now" and we can only control "ourselves".  Every situation needs evaluation in order for us to get through it.  Every situation needs us to take some ownership.  It happened to me... I need to move on.  We then evaluate it as something that happened.... not good, nor bad.  An event... its outcome can mean anything.  What is perceived as bad or unfavorable has a shining star.  

We've now evaluated the situation, we've looked at all of the events that took us to that point and have owned our responsibility.  Now, right now... is the new beginning.  This is our shining star.  Divorce.... never pretty, seldom a good thing.  Someones hurt, maybe even both people hurt with a divorce.  We can find out what went wrong... its a lesson learned and we move on.  We don't save it.  It is useless now.  It happened, its in the past and we cant control it.  We can control right now.  We can move forward in a positive direction!

All of that was kind of metaphysical, but I said all of it to get here.  This, right now, is our new beginning.  We look to it with anticipation, we look forward to the changes that we will make to not allow us to fall back into the past.  Every step is forward or at worst parallel.  Millions of things happened to get us to the car wreck.... it took a lot of time to actually get to the accident over the course of the day..... Change begins right now, and it takes time.  There are a million victories along the way to success.  

We can't control others.... With going forward, we do have a new freedom, a new reality and a new win.  Every second away from the past is getting us to the future and putting the past further behind us.  We can't be mad with things out of our control... useless.

It happened, it wasn't what I had imagined, I will move forward to better things and put this behind me.

I think I rambled too much.... I hope you get the point.  Nothing is good or bad, but one outcome may be more favorable.... we guide ourselves towards that, we focus on that.  The car hitting people was tragic.... good in that was you were uninjured as was your friend... everyone walked away with minor bumps and bruises when we could have had numerous people killed..... good and bad in all events.  You can do nothing about this and nothing good will come of it.  Or, you cn make some changes and reap all of the good things coming your way.... bottom line is, it does take time.  Keep your focus and control yourself.
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Avatar universal
:-)  Thank you for your post.  Very encouraging words!!!

How comforting to feel freedom in changing when your significant other is secure in his/her feelings and commitment to the relationship!!!
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973741 tn?1342342773
Nice post.  We do cling to things out of fear and comfort, don't we?

I'm trying to make some changes in our marriage to its benefit.  I asked my husband to be patient and told him I would be with him because you are right . . . it does not happen over night.  Our reactions to things are ingrained or habit---------- so changing them is not easy.  

I went the usual route with an issue just last night.  Then the cycle of where we break down started.  Then I stopped it and said----------  "I'm sorry.  I was going to try to handle that better but went the old route.   Let's try it again."  At this point my husband was already upset and could have shut down the conversation but he took a deep breath and agreed and we went on to have a lovely, productive communication session (well needed).  

So, I'm just saying that we are ALL human and evolving.  And understanding that it is a work in progress is essential for continuing along the path we want to follow.

Dazon, be patient with yourself when you go off course and gently put yourself back on.  You'll get to your destination, I know it!  
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