Help with Depression!

I have been feeling so depressed lately. Much more so than usual and I just can't shake it. I just feel so lost and hopeless. I can't tolerate living with this constant head, neck and shoulder pain on top of the other medical problems I am dealing with, financial frustrations, and the inability to do things I want to do due to my limitations. I am having a harder and harder time dealing with it all. As soon as my eyes open in the morning I just start crying uncontrollably. I have not had surgery yet and I am terrified to even think about having it done. I have a thoracic syrinx as well and I have my follow up MRI's scheduled for next month to check on things. My question is are any of you suffering from this deep depression and what if anything has helped you? I have tried antidepressants in the past and they made me feel anxious and awful. I don't tolerate medication well at all. Thanks for taking the time to read this and any input would be greatly appreciated.

[selmaS]

  Hi, I think we all go thru this and at diff points...b4 dx, after dx, post op....and even after that if u have other issues to contend with.....

  I would have gone crazy of not for my friends here on this site....having someone that understands not only how I physically feel, but emotionally as well....it is a crazy ride....

Keep in mind chiari can affect ur emotions, so some of that can be the chiari...the rest is piled on top of it...

  The way I feel about some of the anxiety meds is this if they do not work, it could be that is not the real issue, just a symptom of a larger issue.

I found b4 surgery I felt much like u.....and I did feel so much better post op....I am back in that cycle again...facing surgery for a related issue but not chiari and am finding myself feeling lonely.,..as it is hard to sit in the house day in and day out./...we have to talk to each other and find little things that can make us smile....I was given a few smiles today by a few of my online chiari friends and again for them I am so very thankful....I even have a few non chiari online friends that I do not know what I would do with out, and they know who they are.....

All I can say is vent, get it out of ur system...we have a Monday rant thread , but if that is not enuff create ur own, or do a journal, nething that allows u to get those feelings out, bcuz the more u hold them in the worse u will feel.

Know u r not alone in how u feel ((hugs))

[DechenDolkar]

Thank you so much, Selma! My depression comes in waves and I often do wonder if these horrible episodes are caused by the chiari itself because it seems when the pressure and headaches are really bad I feel off mentally, like I don't feel or think the way I usually do. For the most part I think I handle this awful situation fairly well and at most times I find a way to accept it and cope. It's these times when I feel so badly and feel like I am slipping away mentally too that scares me. Thank you so much for being there and listening and allowing me to vent. It really is helpful to get it out and know that I am not alone. It would be so nice if we all lived close to each other and could get together in person. It gets so lonely in our own little worlds. I wish you all the best in your upcoming surgery. I will be thinking of you.

[selmaS]

  Thanks, not even sure if surgery will be the end result it is just where I think it is  all headed at this point......

Like when we did not have our chiari dx, u know something is wrong...and u need to find the right Dr...well I am at that point, we thought it was kidney stones, testing showed it was not....now I have no idea where to turn a GI Dr, a spine Dr or rheumatoid Dr as it could be EDS, gastrointestional (diverticulitis, which is associated with EDS) or tethered cord....so at my wits end trying to figure it out....

  So like I said, I can so relate to how u feel....I keep thinking how good I felt post op and if it was not for these other issues I still would....

But, we can not dwell on the past we have to accept where we r and move forward.....

  I am going to post the Monday Rant thread soon,.....so if u need to vent...go right ahead : )

[DechenDolkar]

Not knowing is the worst! I am in a similar situation as I have been having pain for months in my abdomen on the lower right side and back. I thought for sure it was an ovarian cyst as I get them quite often and I have the pain in that very spot. Well, the ultrasound was fine and now I am left wondering what it could be and I can't stand that. I don't know if it is coming from my back or something GI maybe as I have many issues there as well. Thanks again and I hope we both get these issues figured out soon!

[selmaS]

  Have u ruled out Ehlers-Danlos...it is important that u do, as it can affect u in more ways then just post op if u do head for surgery,.....so do make sure this is looked at very closely,.....

  Knowing I have both GI issues and TC make it hard to know which it may be....so, one thing at a time like b4...we can not find out if we do not keep one foot in front of the other.... : )

[DechenDolkar]

I have not been checked for Ehlers-Danlos. How is this checked and should I ask my PCP about it or my NS? Thanks!

[selmaS]

   Ur NS should have checked u or sent u to a NL or rheumatoid Dr ....My NS had a NL that worked with him that did the testing...

There r many types of EDS and the one way of testing is not the only way, but it is an indication of hypermobility...it is the Beighton Score....u get points for each area that is hyper mobile....and the total points u can get is 9...I had 7/9 as I could not bend to put my palms on the floor if I could as I would fall  as a result of chiari imbalance....Plus at my age my muscles r so tight as they hold me together instead of the collagen.....

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Joint-hypermobility/Pages/Diagnosis.aspx

Plus we have an EDS group here on MedHelp...and there r links to more info there -http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Ehlers-Danlos-Syndrome/show/417?controller=forums&action=show&id=417&camp=msc

[linnielou232]

My heart goes out to you as I read your post.  I have been there so many times and still am sad to say and I will be celebrating my 2 yr anniversary on the 20th.  I used to get up and cry all day before my surgery, but you have to understand if you haven't had surgery and you have pressure in the head. Crying is actually good for you to get some of the pressure out.  After surgery I didn't know who to turn to.  My family is so understand and supportive, but it just wasn't the same as coming on here sometimes late at night and just writing on how I was feeling.  We all SO understand what you are feeling and it is normal.  As far as an antidepressant I have been on one for yrs and I found out that trying different med's did eventually help me.  As the Dr. explained to me sometimes our brains don't release a certain cemical and of course I can't remember what it is at the time LOL..but it does having Chari doesn't help because we are always in pain.  It's a awful circle our bodies go through.  We have pain, we get flustrated because of life changes, we get depressed.  I definelty would talk more to your Dr about this.   My Dr. suggested to me at one point if I wanted to go to talk to a professional and I stated right away.  I'm not crazy, and there is no one I can talk to than my Chairian family.  So I want to tell you we understand and getting on here and letting it out is the best medicine.  Think of tomorrow being a better day.   Best wishes.
Linda :)

[DechenDolkar]

Selma, thank you for the info. My NS never mentioned this. I will talk with her about it at my appointment next month.

Linda, thank you for your response. I really appreciate your reply and as much as I hate to know there are others out there that feel the same way I do and worse, it is nice to hear from someone who understands.

[irislita]

Hi....i actually never thought of taking antidepressive drug....but i was the same like u...i hated to wake up.just cried all time.and felt more like dying than living.and since 2
Weeks i am on velafaxina 75mg.first day i thought what the hell...but side effects subside.its treating neuropatic pain aswell as realy affecting positivly my mood.i enjoy talking to people i have moments i am positive.i know its not for everybody...but at the moment i couldnt live without it.my bf didnt see me for 2weeks since i started and what a change.we laugh together...we make love again...i can only tell u for me it was one of the best decision i have taken.good luck and so sorry how u feel

[DechenDolkar]

Irislita, thank you so much for sharing this with me. I am so happy to hear that the medication is helping you. This is definitely something to keep in mind. I hope you continue to feel a little better everyday!

[billyz123]

  I know this depression you are talking about and I'm so sorry that you are going through that. The only thing that has worked for me 100% of the time has been a stimulant medication called Adderall (adderrall). Stimulants are sometimes used for what is called treatment resistant depression. However, my psychiatrist recently told me that she is looking into a simple genetic test that can tell us how I metabolize certain anti-depressants, but I forget what it's called. Anyways, these are both things worth looking into. Best of luck :) <3

[DechenDolkar]

Thank you so much for this information. I am glad you found something that has helped you. That is really encouraging. That genetic test sounds really interesting!