think my grandson is being abused, please someone help

[grammabamma]

What do I do? My 3 year old grandson visits for 3 days and nights 2 times a month, and if I mention his mother or going home he goes into a panic , says he will stay here and Mommy can go away. When I drive him home, as soon as he sees where we are going he flips out, sobbing and begging me not to take him to Mommy. When he can actually see her, he sobs quietly and appears to be in a trance. This has happened at least a dozen times and is progressively getting worst, if I report it and thy cant prove anything, she will never let me see him again, I no longer sleep at night, Someone PLEASE HELP

[Tattedprincess]

Well first of all it is illegal for Child Services to tell the person taht they are investigating who turned them in, so that should help ease your mind.  If you feel taht something is wrong you NEED to report it!  If you don't and there IS something going on then what if something really bad happens to this innocent child?  I have to tell you, I was an abused child and suffer from Post Tramatic Stess Disorder and have panic attacks constantly!  So if there is something happening to this little man you gotta help him!  If you need to talk I am hear to listen and offer any advice that I can!  I will be praying for your family!  God Bless,   Julie

[grammabamma]

I have reported this to protective services (thru the sheriffs dept) and was cut off from my grandson for 3 months.She knows how to act like a perfect Mommy, and I dont know where else to turn. I know this baby is being abused and can not prove it, PLEASE someone help me

[91004]

Why do you think this does he have bruises, does he throw fits, other than the he cries when he goes back home. Alot of children cry when they want to stay with grandma because grandmas let them get away with alot of things

[Jen8950]

I do agree with 91004, my son used to throw a fit when my husbands mom would bring him home and I did not abuse my son. He just liked staying with g'ma b/c she'd let him get away with stuff mommy and daddy wouldn't.

[RockRose]

Three years old is well old enough to ask him what's going on.  Just ask.  Say I love having you here but you live with mommy.  Is there something happening at that house that you don't like?  Who is his mother?  Your daughter?  Your daughter in law?  Who else is at that house who might be abusing this child?

You could do a crayon art project with him,  "mommy and me" and get him to draw different things he does with mommy - both good and bad.  You could sit and do your own book next to him,  entitled whatever his name is and you,  and do good and bad.  Include when he was sick or scared or injured and a few good things.  Just see what he draws.

A lot of kids STRONGLY prefer one household,  or one caregiver,  and aren't abused.  I see kids in the grocery store screaming if their mom goes into a different aisle and they are left with their dad in the store and the dad is unsuccessfully trying to placate them,  Mommy will be back in a second,  shhh.

[grammabamma]

I agree with some of what you say, and will try doing the crayon thing. I have tryed talking to him but when I tell him Mommy loves you and wouldmiss you if you stayed here, he gets upset and says Mommy no love me! And the crying when being left only happens when he is going to Mommys house when Daddy is not home. I have dropped off at freinds and other family members when she could not be there. Also, other family members have witnessed and were all shocked at his behavior. I have talked to my son, and he agrees that she ignores him when no one else is around, but he loves her and as long as she dosent physically hurt him I dont think he will do anything.

[gia666]

hi well you never stated what type of abuse you felt yoru grandson was going through or you think he is going through however if you think he is being sexually abused my advice to you is take him to the nearest hospital and get it checked out if you think he is being abused by getting hit then call the authorities i mean if your feel that strongly about it then do something either take the child to the doctors or call cps and they will do an investigation better safe than sorry however just because he wants to stay with you and not go back home doesn't mean he's being abused maybe he doesn't like the rules and if you still think he is being abused and it turns out he's not then be prepared to face the consequences with the parents good luck in your decision

[RockRose]

gramma,  is this woman the child's biological mother,  and she is married to your son,  who is the child's biological dad - is that what the relationship is?

How does he know how she treats the boy "when no one else is around"?  Does he mean when just the three of them are there she doesn't pay any attention to him at all?  Or does he have some way to know that she literally ignores him when it's just the mother and little boy?

I think that in itself would make him scream he doesn't want to go there.  If he literally isn't getting ANY care or attention - and is perhaps being made to stay in his room even -

[grammabamma]

Several months ago my son, the boys dad and mothers husband, caught her cheating. He set up a recorder (no video) to listen to her phone calls. He told me that she was always playing with the 18 month old , but in several 8 hours tapes, had almost no interaction with the 3 year old. She found the recorder, destroyed it and all the tapes

[Jen8950]

Well just b/c she cheated doesn't mean she is abusing her son. I mean really thats a strong allegation. If he really felt it then why doesn't he leave her with the 2 kids. and go to court.
Did he have tapes all over the house, maybe she walked into another room and played with the kids. I mean it's kinda hard to say she has no interaction with a child b/c you can't hear it on a recorder.
Is the mom the biological mother?

[grammabamma]

The cheating has nothing to do with the abuse. It was only mentioned to explain why my son was recording her. They live in a 3 room apartment, so it is unlikely that she would play with the baby in the living/dining/ kitchen, but hide in the bathroom to play wih the 3 year old. Additionally, she has a 7 year old from a previous marraige that she lost custody of for unknown reasons as the file had been sealed. This has a long history that has slowly uncovered itself in the past 6 months. She has madeit clear that she loves babies and really wants nothing to do with any child over the age of 2.

[RockRose]

gramma,    I think this amount  of neglect and coldness is enough to make him resistant to going over there.  Since there wasn't any evidence of abuse on the secretly recorded tapes,  my guess is what is going on is emotional neglect.    That, and the atmosphere in the home is probably pretty prickly with their marriage problems.

Does your son not know why she lost her daughter through the courts?    He really sounds pretty ineffective at making sure his kids are taken care of . . . good that you're there to help and provide some stability.

[grammabamma]

At this point my son is ineffective at almost everything, he is so obsessed with her affair, he no longer works to provide an income, so they are on welfare and whatever other handouts they can get. This is a big reason why I take the boys for 3or 4 days 2 times a month. We had a custody lawyer look into her previous custody with her older child and he said yhat when he looked into it the records were "sealed", meaning, whatever  happened the courts decided that they would not mae available to protect one or more of the people involved. He also indicated that thi is not uncommon in abuse cases. I am thinking about videotaping his next return visit home to be sure that I  am not overreacting

[RockRose]

I think videotaping is a really good idea.  

Best wishes.  It sounds like you're really trying hard to help.