* year old will not go to school

My daughter is 8 and loved school. Since I started back to work part time she is refusing to go to school, I have been working with the principal and her teachers to help her get through this but it only seems to be getting worse., and is starting to effect my 4 year old. I do not know what to do. She is getting physical with me if I try to take her and if I do get her in the van she will open up the door and jump out and take off. My 4 year old is now hiding under furniture with her fingers in her ears. I cannot have my 4 year old go through this and honestly it is very emotionally draing on me and my 8 year old as well. I am a single parent so there is no other person here with me to keep the younger one sheltered. Today I just could not do it anymore so she is at home. She is in her room with no tv and is doing the school work that she would of been doing today if at school. She is not having fun, but I still don't think she will want to go to school tomorrow. What do I do???

[RockRose]

How does she do once she gets to school and gets in her classroom?

I guess I don't understand what changed here.  If you began working part time,  would that be the time she's in school anyway?  Its hard to think that could be the trigger as it wouldn't affect her.  

What would happen if you say why don't you get dressed,  we'll go to school in 1/2 an hour?  Maybe she's willing now?

[RockRose]

I just had a thought.

Is there a dynamic with the girls in the classroom that exclude her,  or maybe it's a challenge every day to maintain her social position with very socially aggressive girls?

[boo5]

If I get her to school she is fine within 5 minutes and participates fully and she plays with her friends, and even comes out smilling telling me all the fun things she had done. The new thing is that yesterday and today she has now gotten physical and I am worried that one of us is going to get hurt or that my neighbours are going to call the police as it has been quite the seen of me carrying her to the van and her grabbing hold of anything she can get her hands onand her screaming at the top of her lungs. She will even get out of the van when it is moving!!! My 4 year old is witnessing this and is showing signs of being traumatized by it. She has lots of friends and the school says that she is showing no sighns of anykind of trouble.

[RockRose]

What a puzzle.  There must be something that's causing her not to want to go - this is not like a case of a 3 year old with separation anxiety.  Have you talked to the school about getting her counseling?  

I wouldn't worry about the neighbors - I bet they understand.  I watched a horrific scene between a mom and a teenage daughter,  and I think we all "get it" when we see this kind of thing.  

[boo5]

Thanks, they are bringing in a counsellor and I am going to go to my family doctor as well and talk to him about it. I know eventually there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, I just hope the tunnel isn't too long. It breaks my heart to see her like  this.

[althepal39]

there must be some connection between your job and her refusing to go to school if this all started since you got the job?  Can you thikn of anything reason she doesn't want you to work?  

[jdtm]

I suspect you are dealing with severe anxiety (perhaps GAD - Generalized Anxiety).  I do know of a school refusal situation similar to your daughter and in her case, the behaviours only got more and more serious.   By the time the child was high school age, she did not attend school at all (and what will happen to any chance of higher education or career is anybody's guess).  Severe anxiety will not disappear nor will a child outgrow it.   Please consider contacting a mental health professional who has experience in treating children with anxiety disorders for help or further advice in this situation.