1 year old picking on other kids at school

[helppppppp]

I have been noticing a change in my daughters behavior everynight for last 2 months. She yells at me all the time, screams to get what she wants, throws, hits ect. I thought it was the terrible twos. I went to her day care early to observe her behavior for a little while and what I saw was disturbing. She pushed children for no reason, and at one point she hugged a little girl, then grabbed her with two hands by her neck and shoved her back. The day care teacher says this is an on going thing, and they have to keep her seperated from other kids, and even put her in the crib to play. She does not act so severe at home, and I don't know how to correct it. The day care has suggested popping her hands, but I when I have she's hit me right back , I also don't that is effective because most of the time her fighting is at school. I feel her behavior at home is a direct result because she spent most of the day in trouble at day care. PLEASE HELP!!!

[portuguese mom]

She is only one year old. Maybe the issue is the daycare and the over stimulation of her environment.  A director or teacher who suggests popping her hands is not a good care provider.  If she is suggesting to you to do this, it means that she is doing it behind your back to your child.  If you child is hitting you at the age of one, she learned to hit from someone. One year olds do not usually hit yet.  She is probably learning this hitting behavior from someone in her life, amybe at the daycare.  At age of one year, it is time for you and her care provider to start to discipline her via such methods as  one minute time-outs on a chair, but never spank her.  You also need to provide the forum doctor more info. Is your daughter achieving other development milestones? Is she saying "mama"? is she crawling and walking? does she play with age appropriate toys?  A one year old probably will push another child but she will not "grab another kid by the neck with two hands and shove" unless she learned the behavior from someone. I believe that someone is grabbing her and shoving her (either another older kid, staff at the daycare or someone at home).  One year old kids are not violent. Please review her daycare and home setup and make sure it is safe. Good luck.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

If the behavior at home is a dramatic change from the usual, it is very probable that the situation at the daycare setting is not optimum for your daughter. It concerns me that a provider would guide you to hit your child as a solution to aggressive behavior. If your daughter is developing well in all other respects, you might do well to reevaluate whether she should remain at this setting. When children so young (who are otherwise normal in their development) act in an aggressive manner, it is generally because they feel scared, vulnerable, insecure.