10 Year Old boy soon to be 11 still sleeping with Dad.

[Dobey]

The boys parents are seperated for 2 years now.  He is very well develop and intelligent boy. He is more grown-up than most kids his age.
He sees both parents basically daily and spents sleeping time half with us dad and half with his mother.
The boy and his dad are more close than any other boy-father relationship that I have seen before.

Him and his dad shares a bed in a seperate room when he is with us.
In the beginning of our relationship I accepted it and felt sorry for the boy an only child.  I understand that he needs his dads comfort, but now after 2 years I feel sick when I go into the room to great my partner before I leave for work.  It just does not feel right and it is having a huge impact on our relationships and my partner does not see it as a problem at all.
My questions are:
Am I wrong to feel this way?
Is it normal for a nearly 11 year old to still sleep with his dad?
Won't he start thinking it is acceptable to sleep with other men as well?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Realtive to your last question, the current behavior will not result in his sleeping with other men. You can rid yourself of that worry; it's only making an unnecessary complication.
Now, about the matter of his sleeping with his father. It is absolutely not a good thing. I take it you are his father's live-in partner. He should be with you, not with his son. His son should be in a separate room, in his own bed, by himself. Perhaps his father should seek a consulation with a mental health clinician whi can advise him on appropriate behavior and help him figure out what need he is satisfying by engaging in this practice. If he can place his son's needs ahead of his woen, he will stop this right away.

[missyb0132]

A related discussion, 11 yr old boy who sleeps with grandma was started.

[mbalasqu]

Hi!!! I have left my partner, because he insists on sleeping with his 11 year old. I feel so sorry she is going through this but going through this experience myself, I have no isues as a woman or as a person. I just think that a child this age is almost a pre-teen and needs their privacy just as a couple needs their's!!! Going through this experience and knowing my partner, he has unresolved issues with his dad who was not there for him therefor my partner chooses to overprotect his son instead of adressing his own issues. Sad to say I myself loved his eleven year old and my partner and chose to leave the relashionship, because this was disturbing to me. I believe you can sleep with a sick child, a child that is having nightmares, but not with a normal and healthy 11 year old. Of all the people here in favor of sleeping with their children, did any here remember them feeling confortable sleeping with their parents??? I grew up very healthy and independent and never did either of my grandparents who raised me or

[JETHCsU]

I have an idea what this is about.  I have a 10 year old going on 11 and has some issues when he is at his dad's house.  For a while the dad's gf now wife was and still is jealous of the relationship they share.  She does not give hugs to her kids or gives any kind of love so when she sees this bonding and reassuring when the two are together well she just doesn't get it since she don't show it herself.  I feel that the woman partner has issues of her own and it goes pretty deep.  It blows my mind when other mom's have issues over something so minor!  Look at yourself.

[May_flower]

..We feel as though our rules are the only rules....Our society says kids should be separated from parents and sleeping in their own beds from babies....WHY? (Only in the western world...I have a daughter who is 10 years and 4 mos. old and she still sleeps with me on a regular basis...their is nothing sick or sexual about it, and It pains me that people are so quick to lable somthing as natural as sleeping with your child as something unhealthy, or Ugly.
She has always had her own bed...has gone thru four of them. the second one after the baby bed, was one of those play house type beds for tottlers and young children, She quite enjoyed playing on it! Then we moved to the "real bed" a full size that she got to pick out a nice pink compforter for...then a few years later on a  shopping spree I got her all new bedroom furniture, including Bunk Beds for when she has sleep Overs....But she still prefers moms bed, and mom doesnt mind. I have been pushed by society to get her out of there because I know this isnt socially acceptable, Hense buying so many beds at different ages....but to hell with it....My daughter and I are a team in every aspect of our lives...Im a single mom and shes an only child and she finds confort and security in sleeping with mom, and mom feels a scence of security in keeping her baby close, warm and safe! I dont think thats an unatural act for a good mom...or dad! Yup shes still my baby!

[Trinity4Life37]

Sounds like you need to wean a young man from your bed then your room. May be you can do as I have done with all four of my children when it came time for them to get out of my bed and my room and in to their own. Right now I have a 3yr. old who's drowning me in pee-pee nightly and I'm just waiting for Income tax money to buy her her own bed. What I did was placed a bed for each child in my room at 4 or 5 yrs old and told them that this bed was all yours and I bought them beautiful covers and pillow cases so they could make up their own. Eventually, I moved their bed from my room into their own room and repeated the beautiful speech that this was your room all by yourself. It works after some time. May be this will work for you.